It seems I'm unable to bond with people

Hi, I just don't really have an emotional connection with any of my friends. We can't really tell each other secrets, we laugh rarely with each other, conversations are often pretty dead. It's like I'm so terrified of how I come across that I just try to be perfect. I avoid showing negative feelings like sadness and anger. Actually me and my friends don't talk about feelings. I just overthink EVERYTHING. I started a new job a couple of months ago and there are several nice people. I don't know how to move beyond small talk as I'm worried about coming off as weird. But I'm scared they'll start thinking I'm boring. I just can't do banter, I worry too much about offending or creeping out the other person. When I was a kid I could have emotional connections with my friends because I was just myself. But now I worry too much about how I come across because I really don't want to end up with no friends. I am 17 and this started when I was about 14. I'm going to uni next year and I really want to be able to make proper friends. Everyone says 'oh you'll make friends' but then again everyone said that about secondary school and I didn't. I don't know whether I'm at fault or whether I just haven't found anyone I click with. Any advice?

Reply 1

shawn_o1

21

Your thought processes are hindering you. You're trying to not be yourself because you think being yourself won't be "accepted" by mainstream society. That's why your friendships are non-existent at the moment.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

Mr JB

2

Original post by Abcdefghijk123

I just don't really have an emotional connection with any of my friends.

99% of the people on here don't have any friends to have an emotional connection with. Consider yourself lucky you have friends in the first instance. The closest most people on here have got to other people are their parents and the people who had their photographs taken for university prospectuses.

Reply 3

Abcdefghijk123

OP

20

Original post by shawn_o1

Your thought processes are hindering you. You're trying to not be yourself because you think being yourself won't be "accepted" by mainstream society. That's why your friendships are non-existent at the moment.

Thanks, I will really need to work on that before I get to uni

Reply 4

Abcdefghijk123

OP

20

Original post by Mr JB

99% of the people on here don't have any friends to have an emotional connection with. Consider yourself lucky you have friends in the first instance. The closest most people on here have got to other people are their parents and the people who had their photographs taken for university prospectuses.

lol I think 99% might be a slight exaggeration but ok and yeah I guess I am pretty lucky, could be worse

It seems I'm unable to bond with people

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