Bullying in University - How common/severe is it?
I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
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That sounds awful. Have you tried talking to this person about what is upsetting them? Neither of you can continue living like this for another few months surely.
University isn't like high school and bullying isn't so prevalent. However I think it unfortunately happens more than people think as it's usually in halls and people don't see or hear about it. This can range from low level stuff like being ignored and passive aggressive comments to threats and really nasty behaviour. I think most people grow out of this stuff when they leave high school but unfortunately for some they don't grow up and when they get to university they form a sort of pack mentality to bond with their flatmates and unfortunately people don't feel secure enough to stand up to those characters.
This sounds horrendous! I'm not at university but my friend (23) is. She was bullied in high school, she thought Uni would be better. It wasn't, there was this one person that just wouldn't leave her alone for whatever reason. My mate got so fed up she dropped out during her second semester because everything the uni "tried to do" (which really wasnt a lot) didnt work or deter her bully.
She changed uni and is now at OB and isnt being bullied and is very happy. Hopefully you'll sort this out and wont need to dropout or go out of your way to avoid someone so detrimental to your life! Best of Luck!
She changed uni and is now at OB and isnt being bullied and is very happy. Hopefully you'll sort this out and wont need to dropout or go out of your way to avoid someone so detrimental to your life! Best of Luck!
That is really bad. i can understand where you are coming from. i live with 3 other people. all of which isolating me. we have fallen out a few times becasue they have stolen food and drink of me a couple of times but now they are just filthy. and live like animals. they isolate me and have casued for their friends who they have round all the time to do the same, i only have one friend and i have had to resort to keeping my things at hers and cooking at hers. it got really bad when everyone (about 10 or so people) had a go at me for something trivia and thus csued for me to have a majour panic attack. since then they have pretended as though i dont exsist, i hate it. and i cant move out as i need someone to say they will move into my room before i can move out. I have dealt with bullying in the pass and it resulted in bad phases for me. i was told that by coming to uni that the people will be more mature and adults. its not true.
Original post by LunaM06
I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
Are you living in halls? If so, I would ask for an urgent flat move. Explain you have been threatened and say you don't feel safe living with this person.
If you're living in private accommodation, I would contact your landlord or letting agent and explain your situation. Have a look in your contract- they may make provision for harassment of other tenants. Again, explain you have been threatened and you don't feel safe living with them.
I wouldn't consider this situation bullying as such- and you certainly don't have to just put up with it. Keep a record of any threats you receive, and next time they behave in a physically threatening way, I would consider calling the police.
Don't minimise this. It sounds like the other person is escalating in levels of aggression, and you need to take steps to keep yourself safe. If, at any time, you feel at risk of physical harm, call the police.
how to deal with bullying? smack the living **** out the little ****
In all seriousness though, the situation that the OP is describing is different to being frozen out by her flatmates or low level nastiness from coursemates- both these do happen and they're not nice at all. However, usually the target isn't in any physical danger and I would say physical bullying of the kind seen in secondary schools is pretty rare at uni level (and the consequences are or should be very severe).
This is targeted harassment from one person, who she also lives with, and said person seems pretty volatile. I don't think trying to talk it over or trying to make things up with them is a good idea. Protecting your physical safety is always the most important thing.
That said, around this time of year, there are often spaces available to move flats in halls, so even if you just haven't gelled that well with your flatmates, it might be something to look into.
This is targeted harassment from one person, who she also lives with, and said person seems pretty volatile. I don't think trying to talk it over or trying to make things up with them is a good idea. Protecting your physical safety is always the most important thing.
That said, around this time of year, there are often spaces available to move flats in halls, so even if you just haven't gelled that well with your flatmates, it might be something to look into.
Original post by LunaM06
I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
lift weights then batter them
Go on the attack!
Call the mandem if u cant do it urself
Call the mandem if u cant do it urself
1. Keep a precise log of everything he does. Each time he turns off the light when you're in the room, each time he turns up the TV, each time he threatens you: with times and dates. This will put you in control of the situation.
2. Get your flatmates on board, ask them to be witnesses if this sort of thing continues. One idiot can bully three people but his testimony is not worth as much as three people's so when it comes to further complaints (if they are required - and they probably will be) be ready with the evidence.
3. I notice that when this guy feels threatened he goes on the 'attack' he will do this until you have him cornered and then he will crumble - he sounds like a narcissist. I've dealt with them before. They keep pushing and then they fold. You need to escalate this matter at every turn, he has to realise that trying to make things worse for you makes things worse for him. Have no sympathy and don't try to understand him; he certainly doesn't extend any sympathy to you.
4. Check your lease. What are the severance provisions? I'm not saying you should leave - but it helps to know your position, this is taking control again As the parachute regiment says 'Knowledge dispels fear'
5. Mention this to your tutor/supervisor/department. This is bound to be affecting your concentration and they need to know.
6. Talk to your parents and get them on board.
7. Finally, continue the procedure you have started with student services and don't take no for an answer if this is continuing to happen. Get the Student Union involved if necessary. Escalate when he does. Do not be afraid to push to have him removed from Uni if that is required BUT all this depends on having the evidence.
SO; start that log, do the recording and put yourself in control. It may be a rough ride but this might just be one of your best learning experiences at University.
I hope he's reading this because he should realise that he's not actually in control. Behaving like an ******** at Uni is simply counter-productive and just jeopardises his degree. It's a really poor risk/return.
What subject are you reading, btw?
2. Get your flatmates on board, ask them to be witnesses if this sort of thing continues. One idiot can bully three people but his testimony is not worth as much as three people's so when it comes to further complaints (if they are required - and they probably will be) be ready with the evidence.
3. I notice that when this guy feels threatened he goes on the 'attack' he will do this until you have him cornered and then he will crumble - he sounds like a narcissist. I've dealt with them before. They keep pushing and then they fold. You need to escalate this matter at every turn, he has to realise that trying to make things worse for you makes things worse for him. Have no sympathy and don't try to understand him; he certainly doesn't extend any sympathy to you.
4. Check your lease. What are the severance provisions? I'm not saying you should leave - but it helps to know your position, this is taking control again As the parachute regiment says 'Knowledge dispels fear'
5. Mention this to your tutor/supervisor/department. This is bound to be affecting your concentration and they need to know.
6. Talk to your parents and get them on board.
7. Finally, continue the procedure you have started with student services and don't take no for an answer if this is continuing to happen. Get the Student Union involved if necessary. Escalate when he does. Do not be afraid to push to have him removed from Uni if that is required BUT all this depends on having the evidence.
SO; start that log, do the recording and put yourself in control. It may be a rough ride but this might just be one of your best learning experiences at University.
I hope he's reading this because he should realise that he's not actually in control. Behaving like an ******** at Uni is simply counter-productive and just jeopardises his degree. It's a really poor risk/return.
What subject are you reading, btw?
(edited 8 years ago)
I didn't know people got bullied at uni. Oh no. Now I'm not so excited for it. I thought that was the type of **** people left behind at highschool??
Original post by Stychomythia
3. I notice that when this guy feels threatened he goes on the 'attack' he will do this until you have him cornered and then he will crumble - he sounds like a narcissist. I've dealt with them before. They keep pushing and then they fold. You need to escalate this matter at every turn, he has to realise that trying to make things worse for you makes things worse for him. Have no sympathy and don't try to understand him; he certainly doesn't extend any sympathy to you.
3. I notice that when this guy feels threatened he goes on the 'attack' he will do this until you have him cornered and then he will crumble - he sounds like a narcissist. I've dealt with them before. They keep pushing and then they fold. You need to escalate this matter at every turn, he has to realise that trying to make things worse for you makes things worse for him. Have no sympathy and don't try to understand him; he certainly doesn't extend any sympathy to you.
I agree with all your advice except maybe this point. Maybe he will crumble if OP pushes back, but you can't know that for sure and the guy involved certainly sounds like he has the potential to be really dangerous. I really think the best thing she can do is focus all her energies on getting out of this living situation ASAP, rather than trying to make him back down.
Original post by Wolfegirl98
I didn't know people got bullied at uni. Oh no. Now I'm not so excited for it. I thought that was the type of **** people left behind at highschool??
People get bullied in all stages of life, including at work and at uni. It gets rarer as people get older and more mature, and often the consequences are a lot more severe (e.g. getting kicked off your degree, losing your job, getting a criminal record for harassment). However, it is rarer at uni because you're usually not stuck with people in the way you are at school, and it's much easier just to avoid people you don't get on with. People are more mature and more willing to accept differences.
The sort of behaviour described in the OP is not common or normal at all and isn't really comparable to highschool bullying.
That said, passive-aggressiveness, freezing out by flatmates, low level teasing type behaviour can happen, and if you have to live with it, it's not nice. Usually, if you live in halls, you can request to move flats if things get really bad and escape the problem.
Thats madness. I'm at uni and EVERYONE is always kind for each other, even complete strangers. Like everyone will always hold doors open for you, if someone is needing to grab lunch and they've got their laptop setup, usually they'll ask someone like 'could you keep an eye on my stuff for a bit?'
Also everyone always tries to help out the international students that may not be too confident with talking English. Even a few times I've finished my lunch and I've left someone on the tabling I was eating at and everytime the next person always chases after me to give me it back lol.
I've never seen anyone being bullied at all at uni. As someone mentioned above uni is nothing like high school. Non of this drama, tantrums, gossip. Everyone wants to succeed and everyone just does their own thing.
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Also everyone always tries to help out the international students that may not be too confident with talking English. Even a few times I've finished my lunch and I've left someone on the tabling I was eating at and everytime the next person always chases after me to give me it back lol.
I've never seen anyone being bullied at all at uni. As someone mentioned above uni is nothing like high school. Non of this drama, tantrums, gossip. Everyone wants to succeed and everyone just does their own thing.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Wolfegirl98
I didn't know people got bullied at uni. Oh no. Now I'm not so excited for it. I thought that was the type of **** people left behind at highschool??
In my experience bullying in university is rare, Wolfegirl: I'd still be excited for Uni for all the right reasons!
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by LunaM06
I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
Report that persons text. That won't be tolerated in university it's not like college/sith form. You can't send aggresive texts like that and get away with, they will be dealt with harshly depending on who you report it to. But you will have to probably follow it up tho.
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