I don't feel this way all the time, but every so often, I get this awful awful crippling feeling that nothing in my life is meaningful, and it just makes me want to stop everything and stand still/sleep.
I feel that most of my friendships are based on me talking random crap, and laughing at things that aren't funny, and then they laugh, and we share a moment, an "inside-joke" but it means nothing.
The rest of my friends, the ones I talk about my feelings to, can't be there in real life for me, and I feel like, they almost don't exist apart from on my computer screen. I feel like I drain them when I talk to them because, despite sometimes maintaining a positive vibe, when I do talk deeply with them, it always leads down to some awful conclusions that we can't explain away.
As for my life beyond my relationships, I don't know why I'm doing my degree, I chose it because I was supposed to be good at it, from my results at a-level, but I'm not. I feel like I could be if I applied myself, but I have no motivation.. I feel like I'd be living the same way on the inside whether I came out with a 2.2 or a 1st, I've thought about doing a second degree after this one, but I don't know whether that will help.
I just don't feel interested in anything any more, nothing makes me excited because I feel it's so pointless.
I need help with my thought process, or something, I just want to have an existence that doesn't leave me questioning why I'm even trying.
I'm sorry for bringing your mood down.
x