Hello
A few weeks ago I met a girl. We're both 23 and we started to text 4-5 hours each day. I loved her, why wouldn't I after all, she is really beautiful and is kind with me. I was shocked when I knew she had feelings for me too... Every time I love a girl, she doesn't like me back. I'm so happy she feels the same way. It's the first time it's happened to me.
Anyway, 2 days ago she invited me at her place for the 4th time. One thing led to another, and I understood it was gonna be our first time. Well first time for her with me but first time for me, period. I asked her if she was ready to do it, she said yes, then asked if she had condoms she said no. She told me it was up to me what to do, she didn't mind. I said I was sorry but I wouldn't have unprotected sex with her (way too risky with her).
She invited me again last night. This time I had bought some. She wanted to do it in the dark. We started to kiss and do things for about 20min. Everything was fine. Then I tried to put the condom on. I couldn't see anything, I'm already no expert to do that in the light so it was even harder. I lost it. And I was never able to get it up again... I was so embarrassed. She said it was ok and comforted me but nothing she could have said would have made me feel better. It was supposed to be one of the best moments in my life and it turned out to be one of the worst.
What's done is done. But I don't want it to happen again. The stress, the condom and perhaps the darkness are the reasons why I ****ed up. Next time I can ask her to do it in the light but what else can I do to make sure it won't happen again?
Thanks a lot