I don't feel like I belong in my country

I'm a 17 years old female from an extremely strict Arab country. I have lived in the UK for 5 years so far but I'm not a British citizen and I can't be- the 5 years were all for study purposes.


I was born and raised in my country for 12 years and during all that time I was happy. I was fine with covering everyhting except my face, praying, fasting, etc. I wasn't doing any of this because I was religious; I only did it because everyone around me was doing it too. When I was younger, I didn't see the point of believing in a god but whenever I questioned, everyone led me to believe that there was something wrong with me not with the belief itself and I was convinced that this was the case. I did not know any other way of living.

Then we moved to the UK. I continued to live as a religious Muslim for the next 2 years without ever wondering why I believe what I believe in and why I do whatever the religion I was born into tells me to do. I feel like after those initial 2 years, my eyes suddenly opened and I just wanted to decide everything for myself.

My belief has now changed completely; I don't believe in any god, I completely lost my faith. But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

I hate the Arab society. I go back to my country every summer holiday but I honestly feel like I don't belong to that place. I know that I will have to go back at some point, but just thinking about living among people who would shun me if they knew I don't believe in any religion makes me unhappy.

I don't know what to do...

The number of people that feel miserable because of the religion of peace and love is worrying.

Hey. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. If it helps, I am going through a very similar situation and neither have I told my parents got the implications involved. You mentioned you are 17, are you going to go to university in the near future? Because that will give you the independence you want to break free.

I know it's difficult but it may be worth speaking to someone working in a charity or organisation who is used to this, to give you advice and support.

I am also available if you want a chat via PM.

But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

its people like you who make Islam seem like an oppressive religion

Thank you. I applied to universities that are close close to home and the course I want to study is quite long compared to other courses so that means at least 6 more years with my parents... I think I will just wait until I finish uni.

Why did you apply to unis close to you place?

It's not a problem with Islam in itself; I just don't believe in any god or religion.

I don't know... It was a stupid decision.

I also applied abroad but I will stay in the UK if I get an offer from a UK uni. Since medicine is very competitive, I might end up having to go study in a different country anyway.

I'm a 17 years old female from an extremely strict Arab country. I have lived in the UK for 5 years so far but I'm not a British citizen and I can't be- the 5 years were all for study purposes.


I was born and raised in my country for 12 years and during all that time I was happy. I was fine with covering everyhting except my face, praying, fasting, etc. I wasn't doing any of this because I was religious; I only did it because everyone around me was doing it too. When I was younger, I didn't see the point of believing in a god but whenever I questioned, everyone led me to believe that there was something wrong with me not with the belief itself and I was convinced that this was the case. I did not know any other way of living.

Then we moved to the UK. I continued to live as a religious Muslim for the next 2 years without ever wondering why I believe what I believe in and why I do whatever the religion I was born into tells me to do. I feel like after those initial 2 years, my eyes suddenly opened and I just wanted to decide everything for myself.

My belief has now changed completely; I don't believe in any god, I completely lost my faith. But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

I hate the Arab society. I go back to my country every summer holiday but I honestly feel like I don't belong to that place. I know that I will have to go back at some point, but just thinking about living among people who would shun me if they knew I don't believe in any religion makes me unhappy.

I don't know what to do...

There might be a possibility, if you have good grades, for you to transfer to another uni after your first year. You should check other unis' website.

I don't know where you have applied to, but unis abroad don't accept many foreign students in Medicine.