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Help! I have a secret bf how do I tell my parents

So
I'm 19 my bf is 23 turning 24
I'm in a secret relationship my family don't know anything about it
Dating is strictly forbidden and is a general rule that we won't without my parents actually ever saying it
My bfs family knows about me never met them though
This is my first 'proper' relationship no ****ing about etc since he has told me he wants us to go far and well get married soon etc
To add to the pickle we're of different religions! Also since he's my first idk how to tell my parents, also things are complicated between me and him I love him like mad but idk if it's real love not puppy love.
We've been together 2 and a half years undercover me deleting our messages saving his contact in another name and meeting and sleeping together secretly etc.

It's getting to the point where I have to tell my family or else my bf will leave me.
Help
What should I do
Any ideas my parents would kill me if they found out so I need to tell them

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Reply 1

Withengar

Let me get this straight.

You're 19 and your boyfriend is almost 24 and you can't tell you parents that you're dating someone? There's no such thing as dating being "strictly forbidden", it's just isn't. You're living in a modern, liberal, Western society, not a medieval backwater. Your parents can't tell you whether or not you can or can not date. It's entirely up to you and what you want and feel, not their decision at all.

There's no real issue in people being different religions - just ignore religion! Focus on yourself, your relationship, your life and what you want and need, not antiquated principles of some backwards religion or your parents.

Period.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

But I'm afraid of a reaction
I don't want to lose my family or be disowned I'm afraid it could get physical

Reply 3

username2769500

Don't tell them. I only found out last week my cousin used to date An Irish Rugby flanker - Stephen Ferris - but then I learned of a conflict of interest because they are in the armed services and I was always wondering why the rugby coaches were picking on the poor kid who is the same size as a lot of rugby players by naturally being told to go out loads lol so I got really pissed off. I'll not speak to them much now. You might want to consider a similar situation as above could happen.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

Withengar

Original post by Anonymous

But I'm afraid of a reaction
I don't want to lose my family or be disowned I'm afraid it could get physical

Disowned? Get physical? What is it, 1250? What in the world are you talking about? You are living in a modern, Western society! You have rights, legal protections! Ignore your antiquated religious upbringing and focus on the facts.

What is a family? It's not just people you're related to - it's a group of people who loves you, supports you, helps you and is there for you. If your family can't be that for you, then they're not much of a family. In that case, you shouldn't feel at all bad about leaving them behind.

Please seek some sort of help. There are people who can aid you in your situation. Your life isn't some religion or your seemingly abusive family. Please move on from that. Best of luck.

Reply 5

Eternalflames

Are you South Asian/other strict ethnic minority?

Reply 6

Rhythmical

I'm guessing you are of South Asian descent brought up in a Muslim household. If so, eventually your parents will find out, regardless if you tell them or not. It's up to you, you can either tell them, wait for their reaction but it isn't going to go down well. You need to consider, do you love your boyfriend enough to envision a future as you may need to think about the possibility of moving away from home.

I'm not a muslim

Original post by Anonymous

I'm not a muslim

What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.

Reply 9

gabriellakhan

Original post by WoodyMKC

What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.

Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?

Reply 10

Eternalflames

Original post by WoodyMKC

What are you then? Just saying, I don't know of any religion that puts more of a restriction on this sort of thing than Islam.

Original post by gabriellakhan

Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?

Hindus and Sikhs are also strict about who their children marry. Some do feel ashamed if the children do not marry within the community, to a person of their liking.

Reply 11

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by gabriellakhan

Maybe she's not Muslim but her parents are?

Pretty much everyone who has asked about it has asked whether or not her parents or family are Muslim. Her response to that was "I'm not a Muslim" which I'm guessing was meant as "No, we're not" :wink:

Reply 12

kaylababesxx

u dont have to tell them its none of their business i have a bf but ive kept it a secret from my parents for a year otherwise if thye knew they;d be calling me all the time if i was with him and pestering me and wanting to meet him they also dont want me having sex

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

I'm south Asian but my family are quite strict I'm expecting to get an arranged marriage etc
My bf is a muslim but tbh thier probably the un most muslim family they do everything against Islam

Reply 14

Devify

Try treading the waters by saying there's this guy you really like? See how they react to the idea of you dating someone first.

Since your bf knows about the situation (I assume). If your parents want to meet him first " before you try dating" just go with that. I can't really suggest much else. They need to know, should've known already considering how long you've been dating.

Reply 15

Eternalflames

Original post by Anonymous

I'm south Asian but my family are quite strict I'm expecting to get an arranged marriage etc
My bf is a muslim but tbh thier probably the un most muslim family they do everything against Islam