Haven't told my parents I've dropped out of med
I left med school as I didn't like it all and was really struggling with my mental health, but haven't been able to tell my south Asian parents, they think I'm still on the course. They would be really mad and take it out on my siblings.
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
Original post by Anonymous #1
I left med school as I didn't like it all and was really struggling with my mental health, but haven't been able to tell my south Asian parents, they think I'm still on the course. They would be really mad and take it out on my siblings.
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
In fact, I once faced a similar problem. I wanted to quit my university studies and move to another city. I was really worried about how to tell my parents. I kept it a secret for half a year, and then one day I just came to them and told them how important this decision was for me. I explained everything and said that I loved them very much. Of course, at first they were shocked and did not understand the situation, but then they understood everything and thanked me for my sincerity. Just remember that these are your parents and they love you anyway, just be sincere with them and they will understand and accept the situation.
Original post by mia_davis
In fact, I once faced a similar problem. I wanted to quit my university studies and move to another city. I was really worried about how to tell my parents. I kept it a secret for half a year, and then one day I just came to them and told them how important this decision was for me. I explained everything and said that I loved them very much. Of course, at first they were shocked and did not understand the situation, but then they understood everything and thanked me for my sincerity. Just remember that these are your parents and they love you anyway, just be sincere with them and they will understand and accept the situation.
Thanks for your reply, I'm really glad things worked out for you, but I know for a fact that my parents would never understand with their mentality. I'll always be a failure to them and the don't understand mental health either. I don't mind them hating me but my siblings are still in school and I know my parents will be harsher on them because of this so it's not as simple as just telling them unfortunately.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I left med school as I didn't like it all and was really struggling with my mental health, but haven't been able to tell my south Asian parents, they think I'm still on the course. They would be really mad and take it out on my siblings.
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
Honestly you’ve got 4 options.
1.) tell them get it over with and deal with the consequences
2.) keep lying until you are meant to graduate
3.) get a decent life plan/career options (ideally in a field they’d like but anything you find success in would work) and then tell them.
4.) reenroll/reapply for medicine (obviously not ideal for your situation)
Unfortunately there’s not really anything else I can think of and I understand that none of those options are any good
Have you formally withdrawn?
I would strongly recommend asking to suspend your studies for a year instead of withdrawing - even if you've formally withdrawn it's usually possible to get it switched to a suspension. If you're struggling with your mental health then you liekly aren't making good decisions right now - so keep your options as wide open as possible. A suspension is a lot easier to explain to your parents than dropping out - "I'm really unhappy and so I'm going to take some time away to try to sort that out and once it is I'll go back" (even if what you need to be happy is to do something else entirely) - it plants the seed with them that you're not happy and even the most ambitious/strict parents aren't likely to want to make you miserable deliberately.
Make sure your university know you're leaving for mental health reasons - that way they'll be able to extend your SFE funding for an additional 60 days after your leave date - and they'll be able to help with providing evidence to SFE that you have compelling personal reasons for leaving so that you can get funding in future for this or another degree.
Have you spoken to your university counselling service and your GP about how you're feeling?
I would strongly recommend asking to suspend your studies for a year instead of withdrawing - even if you've formally withdrawn it's usually possible to get it switched to a suspension. If you're struggling with your mental health then you liekly aren't making good decisions right now - so keep your options as wide open as possible. A suspension is a lot easier to explain to your parents than dropping out - "I'm really unhappy and so I'm going to take some time away to try to sort that out and once it is I'll go back" (even if what you need to be happy is to do something else entirely) - it plants the seed with them that you're not happy and even the most ambitious/strict parents aren't likely to want to make you miserable deliberately.
Make sure your university know you're leaving for mental health reasons - that way they'll be able to extend your SFE funding for an additional 60 days after your leave date - and they'll be able to help with providing evidence to SFE that you have compelling personal reasons for leaving so that you can get funding in future for this or another degree.
Have you spoken to your university counselling service and your GP about how you're feeling?
Original post by Anonymous #2
Honestly you’ve got 4 options.
1.) tell them get it over with and deal with the consequences
2.) keep lying until you are meant to graduate
3.) get a decent life plan/career options (ideally in a field they’d like but anything you find success in would work) and then tell them.
4.) reenroll/reapply for medicine (obviously not ideal for your situation)
Unfortunately there’s not really anything else I can think of and I understand that none of those options are any good
1.) tell them get it over with and deal with the consequences
2.) keep lying until you are meant to graduate
3.) get a decent life plan/career options (ideally in a field they’d like but anything you find success in would work) and then tell them.
4.) reenroll/reapply for medicine (obviously not ideal for your situation)
Unfortunately there’s not really anything else I can think of and I understand that none of those options are any good
The plan was to do number 3 first but I have about three years now to graduate and am not sure I'll be able to find success in that time.
So then it was 1 but I'd probably have to keep up the pretence of having a med degree even after graduation, or tell them much much later when my siblings have all grown up and moved out. But there's a risk of them finding out and the guilt eating me up.
I would honestly not mind 4 at the moment but I highly doubt I'd be allowed back in after dropping out.
It just feels like I'm trapped from all corners, 1 is the most reasonable option but I know the fallout is going to be so bad, I don't even know exactly how bad things could go but I'm worried.
Original post by PQ
Have you formally withdrawn?
I would strongly recommend asking to suspend your studies for a year instead of withdrawing - even if you've formally withdrawn it's usually possible to get it switched to a suspension. If you're struggling with your mental health then you liekly aren't making good decisions right now - so keep your options as wide open as possible. A suspension is a lot easier to explain to your parents than dropping out - "I'm really unhappy and so I'm going to take some time away to try to sort that out and once it is I'll go back" (even if what you need to be happy is to do something else entirely) - it plants the seed with them that you're not happy and even the most ambitious/strict parents aren't likely to want to make you miserable deliberately.
Make sure your university know you're leaving for mental health reasons - that way they'll be able to extend your SFE funding for an additional 60 days after your leave date - and they'll be able to help with providing evidence to SFE that you have compelling personal reasons for leaving so that you can get funding in future for this or another degree.
Have you spoken to your university counselling service and your GP about how you're feeling?
I would strongly recommend asking to suspend your studies for a year instead of withdrawing - even if you've formally withdrawn it's usually possible to get it switched to a suspension. If you're struggling with your mental health then you liekly aren't making good decisions right now - so keep your options as wide open as possible. A suspension is a lot easier to explain to your parents than dropping out - "I'm really unhappy and so I'm going to take some time away to try to sort that out and once it is I'll go back" (even if what you need to be happy is to do something else entirely) - it plants the seed with them that you're not happy and even the most ambitious/strict parents aren't likely to want to make you miserable deliberately.
Make sure your university know you're leaving for mental health reasons - that way they'll be able to extend your SFE funding for an additional 60 days after your leave date - and they'll be able to help with providing evidence to SFE that you have compelling personal reasons for leaving so that you can get funding in future for this or another degree.
Have you spoken to your university counselling service and your GP about how you're feeling?
I have formally withdrawn, I withdrew last year after a temporary leave period and am now on a new course which I basically transferred to out of desperacy so I wasn't out of education completely. So I really don't think they'll allow me back on for a suspension. It would definitely be the ideal option at this stage though.
I'm planning on speaking to them about it regardless but think it's very unlikely.
I do wish I had had more support to try and stay on the course, once I was put on the leave I didn't really have any contact with the school.
Do you have any close family such as uncles, aunt, cousin who you can talk openly and get their help to work with your parents may be? keep such a big secret will not helpful for mental health so better to get that out ASAP
Original post by Anonymous #3
Do you have any close family such as uncles, aunt, cousin who you can talk openly and get their help to work with your parents may be? keep such a big secret will not helpful for mental health so better to get that out ASAP
No I don't have any family I can tell, only two of my friends know but it's not like they can do much. It is really affecting my mental health even more, everything just seems so pointless and I feel stupid and lost
Original post by Anonymous #1
No I don't have any family I can tell, only two of my friends know but it's not like they can do much. It is really affecting my mental health even more, everything just seems so pointless and I feel stupid and lost
First ..Nothing is pointless or stupid, it was an experience which you will get over with the time. I think best is to sit with your two friends come up with a plan and then share the news with your parents. Please be aware that they may upset, angry etc and that is part of the response you can expect.. but that too will eventually fade out. Because no matter these things they will love you. So the last thing you should do is a keep this a secret from them.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I left med school as I didn't like it all and was really struggling with my mental health, but haven't been able to tell my south Asian parents, they think I'm still on the course. They would be really mad and take it out on my siblings.
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
I want to break it to them somehow but would need to do it in a way that isn't too harsh. Telling them I've been lyin for a year would not go down well.
Any ideas for other ways I could tell them I'm not on the course?
Hi,
I hope you don't mind my commenting. Unfortunately generally the longer you leave these things the worse they become. The longer you lie to them (and I completely understand why you are) the more upset they'll likely be. I do understand the burden of expectation but ultimately they'll want you to be happy. With regard to your siblings, obviously I can't talk definitively because I don't know the situation like you do - but perhaps if you preempt things by telling them something to the affect of "this was my decision and I understand why you're disappointed but this hasn't got anything to do with [my siblings] and please don't take out your frustration on them". Often people don't realise they're doing these things and if you're able to make them aware of it (directly or indirectly) they might not be quite as bad as they would otherwise. Incidentally, take it from me, working in healthcare day after day is extremely hard - if you don't think it was for you, it's best to make that decision early before you fall into the "sunk cost" trap. Lots of people go into Medicine because either others want them to or because they think it's what you do if you're good at A-Level Sciences, trust me, on their own, it's a mistake.
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