Biphobic girlfriend

I've been together with my girlfriend for about 1 year and things are great.

However after the Christmas break and we got back to Uni after spending time with our families she spoke about one of her former schoolmates coming out as Bisexual. No big deal right? Well that's when she started ranting about how these "lesbian tourists" are just straight girls wanting to experiment and aren't really gay, etc.

The thing is, that I'm Bisexual. I never mentioned my sexuality at the time when I met my girlfriend as I didn't think this was a big deal, but now I'm feeling awkward knowing she has these opinions and if I bring it up with her, maybe she'll break up with me.

I'm really not sure what to do.

Reply 1

Appirition

19

Two people can be together in a really strong relationship but still have diffetent or opposing views on a few things.
There's perhaps two ways you can deal with this
1 Have an in-depth conversation with her about bisexuality in general, initially to try to understand her point of view, with you putting 'a different' point of view but without saying it's your own personal view.
2 Unless you rwally feel the need to talk about it, you could generally avoid the subject and just accept this is one thing that you two think differently about.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Appirition

Two people can be together in a really strong relationship but still have diffetent or opposing views on a few things.
There's perhaps two ways you can deal with this
1 Have an in-depth conversation with her about bisexuality in general, initially to try to understand her point of view, with you putting 'a different' point of view but without saying it's your own personal view.
2 Unless you rwally feel the need to talk about it, you could generally avoid the subject and just accept this is one thing that you two think differently about.

The problem with option 2 is that OP's girlfriend is actively against a community which OP is part of. If you met an outspokenly, strongly racist girl dating a black person, you'd be unlikely to just tell them that it's something they can just accept that they "think differently" about. The girlfriend is undermining OP's identity and is bigoted about something OP cannot change in themselves.

OP, I'd sit down with her and talk to her about bisexuality. You don't have to tell her you're bisexual, but if you explain your perspective and talk to her about why she feels like this, you might uncover the issue and get to the root of the problem. It may be that she's had a bad experience with a bisexual person before or simply that she just doesn't understand bisexuality and therefore rails against it due to a lack of understanding. If you do some research beforehand and prepare what you're going to say, it should go civilly and may yield good results.

Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone whom you can trust and talk to about anything. Your sexuality is a pretty big deal and if your girlfriend has bigoted, outdated opinions on your sexuality, you shouldn't just have to deal with it. This is an issue with her mindset, not yours.

Reply 3

Appirition

19

Original post by Anonymous

The problem with option 2 is that OP's girlfriend is actively against a community which OP is part of. If you met an outspokenly, strongly racist girl dating a black person, you'd be unlikely to just tell them that it's something they can just accept that they "think differently" about. The girlfriend is undermining OP's identity and is bigoted about something OP cannot change in themselves.

OP, I'd sit down with her and talk to her about bisexuality. You don't have to tell her you're bisexual, but if you explain your perspective and talk to her about why she feels like this, you might uncover the issue and get to the root of the problem. It may be that she's had a bad experience with a bisexual person before or simply that she just doesn't understand bisexuality and therefore rails against it due to a lack of understanding. If you do some research beforehand and prepare what you're going to say, it should go civilly and may yield good results.

Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone whom you can trust and talk to about anything. Your sexuality is a pretty big deal and if your girlfriend has bigoted, outdated opinions on your sexuality, you shouldn't just have to deal with it. This is an issue with her mindset, not yours.

I agree with everything you've said.
I was simply trying to give a couple of very different options as possible things for the OP to consider.

If she were to break-up with you for it then your relationship likely was bound to end eventually anyway. Don't date someone who can't accept you as you are.

You might find that she quickly changes her tune once she realises the person she's dating is bi.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I've been together with my girlfriend for about 1 year and things are great.

However after the Christmas break and we got back to Uni after spending time with our families she spoke about one of her former schoolmates coming out as Bisexual. No big deal right? Well that's when she started ranting about how these "lesbian tourists" are just straight girls wanting to experiment and aren't really gay, etc.

The thing is, that I'm Bisexual. I never mentioned my sexuality at the time when I met my girlfriend as I didn't think this was a big deal, but now I'm feeling awkward knowing she has these opinions and if I bring it up with her, maybe she'll break up with me.

I'm really not sure what to do.

kill her.

Reply 6

Sammylou40

20

You can still have a relationship whilst holding different views. Sometimes people are down on things they don’t understand and she doesn’t have experience. Hopefully her views will change as she matured a bit more
However, now you’ve been together for a year it might be time to tell her about the real you. She may use those conversations with you to educate herself or she may end it. But you don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are.

Reply 7

ct4321

5

Hi so I'm a girl and personally I know many people who share the same view as your girlfriend which is of course a big misconception. I think that because you have been dating her for over a year, you clearly trust her and have a good connection with her. Personally, I would tell her and explain to her that you are bisexual and that it is not an experiment and if she does break up with you she is clearly not the girl or boy to be with. She is entitled to her own opinion about bisexuality and LGBT plus but relationships are all about acceptance even if she doesn't understand the concept of being bisexual, I think it's super important to let her know. It might be awkward and hard to tell her but I think you need to tell her xxxxxxx good luck

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

So.... I told her and at first she reacted with a bit of shock. She then started to ask me about if I had relationships with men, if I really loved her, if I'm just using her to experiment with!!! Eventually she calmed down and spoke at length about it and did say she felt bad about all the things she said about Bisexual girls after talking to me.

So good news is that we're still together.

Thanks to everyone for their help.

Reply 9

Appirition

19

Original post by Anonymous

So.... I told her and at first she reacted with a bit of shock. She then started to ask me about if I had relationships with men, if I really loved her, if I'm just using her to experiment with!!! Eventually she calmed down and spoke at length about it and did say she felt bad about all the things she said about Bisexual girls after talking to me.

So good news is that we're still together.

Thanks to everyone for their help.