Am I in the Wrong? (Bad Roommates)
I took over someone's flat lease this year and moved in with her roommates (a group of best friends) who I'd just met. Right now, I'm considering moving out because the situation in the place is awful. Sorry for the long post.
Because we are all at home doing online school, it's important to keep quiet during class/study hours. However, they are incredibly loud and yell all the time in the common living area and all night until 6 am!! The walls in our flat are very thin, so I can hear everything in my room even when the door's closed. I've told them to keep it down multiple times, however, they physically cannot. Their boyfriends and another guy live in the flat below us, and they are over all the time. It was uncomfortable for me to wake up with guys I barely knew in our apartment 24/7, however, I got used to it. It's gotten to the point where we have 2 extra roommates because they're boyfriends are here all the time.
Because they're constantly talking very loud/yelling, they decided to spend the weekdays downstairs in the guys' flat and the weekends in ours. I thought that was a good plan, however, they still come upstairs between 2am-5 am and constantly talk and yell in the living room.
They're also extremely messy and leave food open overnight, trash everywhere, and I have to clean the entire apartment, pick up their hair on the ground, and just clean constantly for it to be liveable. They took up the entire fridge, pantry, and cupboard space with all of their food/snacks and gave me a tiny corner to put my things. They also leave all of their extra food around the counter surfaces, but I have stated that we have enough cupboard space to put the items inside and that we should leave the kitchen counters relatively open so that there's space to clean. However, they refused to put their stuff inside.
On Saturday, my roommates cornered me and said that I was being unreasonable for asking them to keep it down at 2 am on school nights, and even 4 am on weekends. They also brought up random instances where I would cook at 11 am, and they said that "they could hear me use the pots and that wakes them up." Then, the other guy that lives downstairs started yelling at me and blamed me for being horrible in this entire situation. He was eavesdropping on our conversation and said that "everything they said went through one ear and out the other" and that my reactions to what they said "ticket him off," even though I was being completely understanding and kind to what they said. I started crying, and he said that he wouldn't apologize to me because what he did was "necessary."
My sleep, mental health, and ability to study has been extremely deteriorated due to this living situation. I feel extremely uncomfortable around all of them, and they make it seem like it's me vs. them, I'm very ostracized because I don't have their sleep schedule. I also choose to study and prioritize school, however, they rarely study or when they do, they choose to do work at 4 am.
TLDR: I have been asking them to keep it quiet when I am in meetings, and past midnight and they said that "they can't change that because they live here, so they can do whatever they want and it's unfair for me to ask that." I will definitely be moving out, but I just want to know if this is normal and something that I need to adapt to as a roommate in general?
Because we are all at home doing online school, it's important to keep quiet during class/study hours. However, they are incredibly loud and yell all the time in the common living area and all night until 6 am!! The walls in our flat are very thin, so I can hear everything in my room even when the door's closed. I've told them to keep it down multiple times, however, they physically cannot. Their boyfriends and another guy live in the flat below us, and they are over all the time. It was uncomfortable for me to wake up with guys I barely knew in our apartment 24/7, however, I got used to it. It's gotten to the point where we have 2 extra roommates because they're boyfriends are here all the time.
Because they're constantly talking very loud/yelling, they decided to spend the weekdays downstairs in the guys' flat and the weekends in ours. I thought that was a good plan, however, they still come upstairs between 2am-5 am and constantly talk and yell in the living room.
They're also extremely messy and leave food open overnight, trash everywhere, and I have to clean the entire apartment, pick up their hair on the ground, and just clean constantly for it to be liveable. They took up the entire fridge, pantry, and cupboard space with all of their food/snacks and gave me a tiny corner to put my things. They also leave all of their extra food around the counter surfaces, but I have stated that we have enough cupboard space to put the items inside and that we should leave the kitchen counters relatively open so that there's space to clean. However, they refused to put their stuff inside.
On Saturday, my roommates cornered me and said that I was being unreasonable for asking them to keep it down at 2 am on school nights, and even 4 am on weekends. They also brought up random instances where I would cook at 11 am, and they said that "they could hear me use the pots and that wakes them up." Then, the other guy that lives downstairs started yelling at me and blamed me for being horrible in this entire situation. He was eavesdropping on our conversation and said that "everything they said went through one ear and out the other" and that my reactions to what they said "ticket him off," even though I was being completely understanding and kind to what they said. I started crying, and he said that he wouldn't apologize to me because what he did was "necessary."
My sleep, mental health, and ability to study has been extremely deteriorated due to this living situation. I feel extremely uncomfortable around all of them, and they make it seem like it's me vs. them, I'm very ostracized because I don't have their sleep schedule. I also choose to study and prioritize school, however, they rarely study or when they do, they choose to do work at 4 am.
TLDR: I have been asking them to keep it quiet when I am in meetings, and past midnight and they said that "they can't change that because they live here, so they can do whatever they want and it's unfair for me to ask that." I will definitely be moving out, but I just want to know if this is normal and something that I need to adapt to as a roommate in general?
Original post by Anonymous
Hope you're not asian
I’m that’s racist wtf. OP has valid concerns and honestly I don’t think their roommates are being very reasonable.
Um that’s racist wth. OP has valid concerns and honestly I don’t think their roommates are being very reasonable.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m that’s racist wtf. OP has valid concerns and honestly I don’t think their roommates are being very reasonable.
I agree absolutely that OP has valid concern and the things OP is going through is really tough if I would have been in that place would leave the apartment immediately but it was a guess because I had one experience with an asian flatmate where he had lot of reservation about stuffs which was not apt in my opinion. He should have lived in a studio apartment instead with flatmates because that suits his personality and also when you live with others you need to adjust.
You've tried reasoning with them and it won't take, better to move on. It's not like this is something you have to deal with throughout life and should learn while young, you won't need to live with several other people later in lifewhen you get your own place or somewhere shared with a friend or something. This stress isn't worth it.
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I agree absolutely that OP has valid concern and the things OP is going through is really tough if I would have been in that place would leave the apartment immediately but it was a guess because I had one experience with an asian flatmate where he had lot of reservation about stuffs which was not apt in my opinion. He should have lived in a studio apartment instead with flatmates because that suits his personality and also when you live with others you need to adjust.
Yes but they need to be reasonable aswell and I don't think they are.
Original post by Bio 7
Yes but they need to be reasonable aswell and I don't think they are.
Couldn't agree more that's why wrote that OP should leave the apartment immediately. No point in living with those kind of people.
@ The anonymous person -- don't know what being Asian has anything to do with this, but funny enough, we are all Asian in the apartment.
Thank you all for your help, talking to the leasing office about it! Good to know that this won't be something that should be dealt with in any apartment living situation...
Thank you all for your help, talking to the leasing office about it! Good to know that this won't be something that should be dealt with in any apartment living situation...
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