So, my boyfriend comes from a well-off family. I don't mean they are filthy rich or anything, but they have done well for themselves.
His parents provide everything for him. They don't allow him to work. His mum goes shopping with him for clothes. And of course since he lives with them, they provide food etc. I, on the other hand, my parents struggle abit to provide for us. We are not extremely poor, but I wouldn't say we are up there compared to my boyfriend. I have to work two jobs (in summer) and one during uni time to help my mom with bills etc. I'm used to fending for myself and don't rely on anyone for anything.
My boyfriend though comfortable, his parents shame and guilt trip him and his siblings about all the money they give them. Or anything they own. And as a result, he has a very complex relationship with money. He doesn't want to talk money. He is uncomfortable about money. I can't even talk to him about the graveness of my money struggles (not asking for anything from him just wanting to vent) because he will become quesy. So sometimes I feel I'm biting my tongue in this aspect.
Recently, it dawned on me how much I am spending on him and the relationship. I don't mean the kind of spending where I'm buying him stuff that he doesn't want and won't use. I mean the spending where I see him eying something let's say, an animation figurine and it's affordable (in my aspect) I would surprise him with it. And I'm not stretching my pocket, but I'm a firm believer of putting my money where my mouth is. Regardless of the occasion. He is a collector of these things but he feels guilty to buy anything in case the parents confront him about it.
As for him, I can barely remember anything he has got for me. He has bought me Popcorn and chocolate snacks. I was happy for the gesture, but there was no thoughtfulness to it at all. But he recently bought Thanos' gauntlet that costs almost £60 without a flinch!! Yet for my birthday, I just received a card and a savings box with him joking about me needing to save my money. Yet on all the outings, I pay for both of us (if I'm doing well that day) or suggest to go halfsies (on a rainy day) because he shuts down and stares at me when the bill is brought.
Now, my question is, is he stingy with his money (I have seen his account once ) or is he just uncomfortable about spending his money? If it's because he is uncomfortable, does that mean he doesn't love me that much to spend his money on me at all? I can't possibly have a money conversation with him because he will squirm thinking he is being confronted (or lectured as he puts it when his parents talk to him) about money. What can I do? I feel my needs are not being met in a way.