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I don't think I'm very attracted to my boyfriend Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did consider this myself actually. It's also weird things like how he can't talk to strangers, even if he is lost, he will point blank refuse to ask anybody for directions, even if it means delaying our plans because he thinks it makes him look 'weird'. He did tell me his ex was quite controlling and made him feel like ****, and said that was why he struggles to make decisions as to where we should go out etc and express himself, so I let it go and thought okay, fair enough and supported him. I just wish he would understand that I'm nothing like his ex and I don't ever plan to be because that's not who I am.
    If he can't improve/ doesn't at least try to, then he'll have a negative impact on your life, and drag you both down.

    Excuse my bluntness.
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    I think the only way to go is to leave him because sex and sexual attraction is a major part of a relationship!
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    Damn.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    If he can't improve/ doesn't at least try to, then he'll have a negative impact on your life, and drag you both down.

    Excuse my bluntness.
    I know, and I agree. I'm going to continue meeting up with him, and see if anything changes, as mentioned before, I think I need to be patient and let him come out of his comfort zone maybe. I'm not surprised that I find the thought of being affectionate with him now strange, as though I'm crossing friend boundaries because that's what he changed the dynamics of our relationship to when he didn't make any effort to get close to me and it felt like we were simply friends.

    Over text, if we hadn't seen each other in a while, he'd tell me constantly that he couldn't wait to kiss me and hug me and tell me how much he missed me, then when we really did hang out, it was more 'erm yeah, not going to hug you or anything.. bit awkward in public' so I was sort of offended and it put a bit of a downer on the day to be honest, and we ended up keeping our distance. :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know, and I agree. I'm going to continue meeting up with him, and see if anything changes, as mentioned before, I think I need to be patient and let him come out of his comfort zone maybe. I'm not surprised that I find the thought of being affectionate with him now strange, as though I'm crossing friend boundaries because that's what he changed the dynamics of our relationship to when he didn't make any effort to get close to me and it felt like we were simply friends.

    Over text, if we hadn't seen each other in a while, he'd tell me constantly that he couldn't wait to kiss me and hug me and tell me how much he missed me, then when we really did hang out, it was more 'erm yeah, not going to hug you or anything.. bit awkward in public' so I was sort of offended and it put a bit of a downer on the day to be honest, and we ended up keeping our distance. :/
    Is it just in public?
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    The fact that you're even questioning is a bad sign.
    You should probably end it before you do something stupid with that other guy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think the only way to go is to leave him because sex and sexual attraction is a major part of a relationship!
    I can't imagine being sexual with my boyfriend, I think that is because he can barely hold my hand at the moment so getting us to that stage just feels way off and strange to even contemplate. With the guy I was very attracted to at work however, I could easily imagine our relationship being sexual and he just seemed so more confident, and he was quite touchy in a platonic way so I feel like could be a physically affectionate guy too perhaps, and I just thought of what he was, and what my boyfriend wasn't and started feeling doubtful and unfulfilled.

    My boyfriend just built himself up to be this very affectionate guy constantly messaging me telling me how many times he'll kiss me, hug me etc, to the point when he specifically stated he didn't care who saw us, he would have no issue kissing me in public, then told me to my face that he wasn't going to hug me as it was too awkward in public lol. So when we hang out and none of his words are reflected, I feel really let down and as though he is all talk, no action.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't be happy with that at all, but I don't want to leave him because apart from the affection and minor looks issue, the relationship functions well. We have great conversations, humour.. all of that. He depends on me massively, and leaving him would literally break him, he's so fragile which I've learned from incidents in the past. I wouldn't want to leave him either because I feel I'd regret leaving somebody so selfless, and as kind as he is, and I do love him. I just wish I could get rid of the negative thoughts.
    I'm not sure what you're hoping to get from this thread then? As you seem to have your mind made up that you don't want to leave him, and just by seeing your responses you seem pretty defiant you don't want to leave him... so dont.
    As i said, only your call to make
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    I was in one of these types of relationships for a short time. We both were not attracted to each other and found the idea of anything physical quite strange, so we never did anything physical. We split up after a few months and thought it was for the best, and we are still friends now. To me, it felt like we were never in a relationship at all.
    And to be honest, I don't really like public physical affection with anyone too, so I don't see that as anything major. Some people like to keep everything in the bedroom. I mean he is affectionate in your own homes isn't he?
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    Is it just in public?
    No, he told me he is quite intimidated by me in general so even when we're alone, we'll just sit and talk and keep our distances like friends would, so opposite each other sitting by a table for example. We don't sit really physically close together, arm around me or anything lol. I don't even try to initiate anything publicly because I don't want to make him uncomfortable, which then leads to me being turned off being affectionate at all towards him. Whenever I try to bring up issues like this with him (even if it's over text), he gets really depressed and emotional (like I said he's really fragile and he won't cope if I ever left him), so I don't even want to bring it up tbh.

    I haven't spoken to him properly in a few days as we've both been busy with work and I don't know, I didn't miss him or think about him much, I actually felt quite free and had more time to focus on myself. I'm not sure if I'd miss him a lot more if it had been a few weeks etc but these few days have been great.
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    it honestly doesn't sound like you're in a relationship with him, he seems more like a best friend
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    (Original post by Emma-)
    I'm not sure what you're hoping to get from this thread then? As you seem to have your mind made up that you don't want to leave him, and just by seeing your responses you seem pretty defiant you don't want to leave him... so dont.
    As i said, only your call to make
    I'm not sure really, I just wanted some more opinions. A part of me doesn't want to leave him, but reading some of my responses to other posters, I sound like I do because the relationship doesn't satisfy me so I keep looking elsewhere which isn't right. At the same time, I don't want to talk to my boyfriend about it, because he'd probably do something rash and fly off the handle as he has done so in the past (over a minor quarrel) so I'm trying to get over my issues by discussing it here I suppose.
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    (Original post by jawsontheflooor)
    it honestly doesn't sound like you're in a relationship with him, he seems more like a best friend
    Yes, he does exactly
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, he told me he is quite intimidated by me in general so even when we're alone, we'll just sit and talk and keep our distances like friends would, so opposite each other sitting by a table for example. We don't sit really physically close together, arm around me or anything lol. I don't even try to initiate anything publicly because I don't want to make him uncomfortable, which then leads to me being turned off being affectionate at all towards him. Whenever I try to bring up issues like this with him (even if it's over text), he gets really depressed and emotional (like I said he's really fragile and he won't cope if I ever left him), so I don't even want to bring it up tbh.

    I haven't spoken to him properly in a few days as we've both been busy with work and I don't know, I didn't miss him or think about him much, I actually felt quite free and had more time to focus on myself. I'm not sure if I'd miss him a lot more if it had been a few weeks etc but these few days have been great.
    That's emotional blackmailing, he probably doesn't do it intentionally but his life is not your responsibility.

    A good friend he may be but it seems to me that he has quickly become more of a burden to you than a partner.
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    I agree with what jawsonthefloor said, it sounds like you're just close friends. You aren't intimate in any way, you don't kiss or hold hands even, so what about your relationship is even a relationship? It's more than just calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. If I were you I'd discuss your feelings on this with him and consider having him as just a super good friend.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    That's emotional blackmailing, he probably doesn't do it intentionally but his life is not your responsibility.

    A good friend he may be but it seems to me that he has quickly become more of a burden to you than a partner.
    His girlfriend was emotionally abusive towards him, controlled him and made him very insecure he says. Our relationship has been very smooth sailing so far and I treat him with a lot of respect, and I feel like this relationship is very good for him mentally and so he dotes on me a lot as well as heavily depending on me emotionally, and for me to take it all away and break him stops me doing it. I don't really feel trapped or anything because he is a great guy (apart from the obvious affection/attraction issues I've mentioned).

    I don't want to just leave him and then turn around and think that, that was the biggest mistake I've ever made because he has such a beautiful character, and then for him to be too hurt to take me back. I like how my boyfriend is into his own hobbies, is sensible, open-minded etc we're very compatible personality-wise. I just keep feeling 50/50 in favour of him and against him because I love him but we have big issues, everything is just so muddled up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    His girlfriend was emotionally abusive towards him, controlled him and made him very insecure he says. Our relationship has been very smooth sailing so far and I treat him with a lot of respect, and I feel like this relationship is very good for him mentally and so he dotes on me a lot as well as heavily depending on me emotionally, and for me to take it all away and break him stops me doing it. I don't really feel trapped or anything because he is a great guy (apart from the obvious affection/attraction issues I've mentioned).

    I don't want to just leave him and then turn around and think that, that was the biggest mistake I've ever made because he has such a beautiful character, and then for him to be too hurt to take me back. I like how my boyfriend is into his own hobbies, is sensible, open-minded etc we're very compatible personality-wise. I just keep feeling 50/50 in favour of him and against him because I love him but we have big issues, everything is just so muddled up.
    Fair enough, seems alright when you put it like that.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    I agree with what jawsonthefloor said, it sounds like you're just close friends. You aren't intimate in any way, you don't kiss or hold hands even, so what about your relationship is even a relationship? It's more than just calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. If I were you I'd discuss your feelings on this with him and consider having him as just a super good friend.
    This is exactly what I felt when I was in this position. The boyfriend/girlfriend thing became more of just a thing to say to our friends that we are in a relationship.
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    have you ever tried initiating a kiss with him, instead of waiting for him to? I know you said you like it when the guy takes control but just try touching him at least, holding his hand? hugging him? physically comforting him it doesn't necessarily have to be sexual
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't imagine being sexual with my boyfriend, I think that is because he can barely hold my hand at the moment so getting us to that stage just feels way off and strange to even contemplate. With the guy I was very attracted to at work however, I could easily imagine our relationship being sexual and he just seemed so more confident, and he was quite touchy in a platonic way so I feel like could be a physically affectionate guy too perhaps, and I just thought of what he was, and what my boyfriend wasn't and started feeling doubtful and unfulfilled.

    My boyfriend just built himself up to be this very affectionate guy constantly messaging me telling me how many times he'll kiss me, hug me etc, to the point when he specifically stated he didn't care who saw us, he would have no issue kissing me in public, then told me to my face that he wasn't going to hug me as it was too awkward in public lol. So when we hang out and none of his words are reflected, I feel really let down and as though he is all talk, no action.
    Ive never known a relationship like this. Has he ever kissed you? I mean most people I know are having sex on the their first date.
 
 
 
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