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My ex yelled at me so badly I was having to hold the phone away from my ear :S watch

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    (Original post by hippieglitter)
    He was probably lovely for a year because he was you boyfriend and making an effort to impress you so you would like him. Being friends straight after a break up is never going to work cos you still have all those feelings whizzing around. It takes time to get over someone and you need to give yourself that time. He is trying to make it work with someone new and you're bugging him. Why should you ask him to keep it off Facebook? I understand it hurts, but that is why you cut yourself off, you ignore him for as long as it takes. When you can finally think of him without welling up and you can look back smile and you can know he has a girlfriend and be happy for him, then you are ready to be his friend. I'm not saying you're entirely in the wrong he shouldn't have gone mental ad yelled at you, but I do think it was unfair for you to ask him to talk to his girlfriend about sparing your feelings and I think it was utterly stupid to try and be his friend when you still love him.
    If it was a standard relationship I would agree with you. But the fact is, he had an affair with her, cheated on me with her. I thought most people would have some shame and not publisise that anyway. And like I said, keeping it of facebook is because it's the only method of free contact, I shouldn't have to pay, because they can't be happy with the fact they're together and be a little patient as to not rub salt into raw wounds. Yes it's not a small ask, but neither is believing he can be a good friend.
    Even without this, one of my best friends, ended her relationship, that was only about a month before she went to uni, she and her housemate fell for eachother - they only made it public last week, because she wanted to not hurt her old guy and was going to wait till the christmas holidays to talk to him, but then he got into a relationship so she knew it'd be ok, so it's not unheard of for people to be sensitive towards eachother.
    But that's what I was trying to do, if i could see she could have have a bit of respect/sensitivity, then I'd know she wasn't all bad and I could be happy for him. They can't put right what they did, but they try and minimize my hurt when it's not neccessery to put it on facebook straight away, a lot of people date for a couple of months first anyway. I'm not in love with him anymore, I don't want him him back, but maybe you're right I'm definitely not over the cheating.
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    UPDATE: He texted me last night, like nothing had happened saying he was looking at my personal statement and would email when he was done and to text him today and have a google chat if I want (I was so shocked after the yelling, that I only vaguely remember that after I'd calmed him down, that we talked about it and I sent it to him) The email sent three hours after he sent the text, did he literally spend three hours on it??? Again the email asked me to text him. I didn't until like an hour ago, I kind of made a Jekyll and Hyde analogy and told him, in case he didn't hear himself, what he did but at the end said that Dr Jeykll seems to be back and I hope that he's the one that responds so we can clear the air and I could send a nice thank you text. I am awaiting reply but still very confused... one day he's abusive the next he wants to be extremely helpful? I hope he apologies I didn't want to demand one because i'd rather he realised, but do you think it'll be obvious enough?
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    (Original post by Ciaran88)
    Haha, yeah, doesn't surprise me that he's a law students. Let's face it, it's not exactly a career that draws.. shall we say.. particularly inspiring minds.



    You can make a noble profession out of it but probably 0.00000001% do.

    I know why my ex attacked me, it's because she almost immediately started lying about what she was doing (only found out about this after the break up) and so making me out to be the bad guy was the way she absolved herself of any guilt. I seem to remember she later admitted that I hadn't been anything like she suggested, and instead claimed that I 100% would have acted that way if she's told me where she was going, so she was pre-emptively lying to avoid an argument... yeah, and to this day I think she thinks that's actually a reasonable mindset lmfao!

    I was with her for years and throughout the entire period that's how she would behave, she has made many many mistakes in her life and she cannot cope with any feelings of guilt, so she basically lives in a dream world of lies.

    It sounds like your ex was similar in some ways. It's just painful when it ends this way because you imagine how things would have been if they hadn't gone to uni or had made different friends or whatever. But you have to remind yourself, these flaws were there all along and if they didn't come out now they'd come out later on. I have known for a long time that my ex was an unstable personality and deeply untrustworthy and it had to end eventually.

    So just remind yourself that it's for the best, because it really is. You've probably known that all along. The good thing is that people like this are actually not all that common, most people do have personalities.
    Well considering 3 out of 5 of my best girl friends are studying law (and they're doing it for the right reasons) I feel fortunate to know so many of a minority
    Maybe that's why my ex is attacking me too, if he makes me into a villain in his head - he doesn't have to feel so bad? I thought that only happened on TV, the old partner is presented as nasty, and so the audience roots for the new couple...and forget the fact they are a cheater and a homewrecker/insert better word hear :P Yes my ex did that, lying to avoid confrontation - I think a lot of people do it tbh! I guess there was a warning signing he was unstable, he drinks to the point he vomits/ has little recollection of the night/ passes out in strange places i.e kitchen counter on a regular basis but I thought all his friends drank a lot, so perhaps it's culturally the norm?
    'Most people do have personalities!' Really? I tend to think most people are sheep, do you class that as a personality?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well considering 3 out of 5 of my best girl friends are studying law (and they're doing it for the right reasons) I feel fortunate to know so many of a minority
    Maybe that's why my ex is attacking me too, if he makes me into a villain in his head - he doesn't have to feel so bad? I thought that only happened on TV, the old partner is presented as nasty, and so the audience roots for the new couple...and forget the fact they are a cheater and a homewrecker/insert better word hear :P Yes my ex did that, lying to avoid confrontation - I think a lot of people do it tbh! I guess there was a warning signing he was unstable, he drinks to the point he vomits/ has little recollection of the night/ passes out in strange places i.e kitchen counter on a regular basis but I thought all his friends drank a lot, so perhaps it's culturally the norm?
    'Most people do have personalities!' Really? I tend to think most people are sheep, do you class that as a personality?
    Most people that go to university are recognisably the same person as they were before they went, those kind of complete transformations are usually a sign that a person either has such a weak personality that they simply blow in whatever direction the wind is going in life, or they try for a short time to maintain the illusion of being a proper, mature, well rounded human being and university gives them an opportunity to basically chuck all that in and be a shallow retard for a while.

    In the latter case the problem is that university is only a couple years long, and that hyper freshers period even shorter. Those people who are reverting to type when they hit uni may blend in to the student crowd and seem quite normal for a year or two but when they finish their degree and the vast expense of life sweeps out before them they are basically just a shallow, erratic, unstable drone whose innate immaturity sticks out like a sore thumb.

    Most people might not be particularly interesting or set the world on fire but if your ex was anything like mine then they were really quite exceptionally bland and directionless and the second they entered a new crowd of people they had a total personality transplant. That is really quite rare.
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    (Original post by Ciaran88)
    Most people that go to university are recognisably the same person as they were before they went, those kind of complete transformations are usually a sign that a person either has such a weak personality that they simply blow in whatever direction the wind is going in life, or they try for a short time to maintain the illusion of being a proper, mature, well rounded human being and university gives them an opportunity to basically chuck all that in and be a shallow retard for a while.

    In the latter case the problem is that university is only a couple years long, and that hyper freshers period even shorter. Those people who are reverting to type when they hit uni may blend in to the student crowd and seem quite normal for a year or two but when they finish their degree and the vast expense of life sweeps out before them they are basically just a shallow, erratic, unstable drone whose innate immaturity sticks out like a sore thumb.

    Most people might not be particularly interesting or set the world on fire but if your ex was anything like mine then they were really quite exceptionally bland and directionless and the second they entered a new crowd of people they had a total personality transplant. That is really quite rare.
    Everything you say rings true. The only alternative explanation I can think of, is my ex has histrionic personality disorder, he fits the bill, attention seeking, overly dramatic, uses physical appearance to gain attention, lack of empathy, ( and recently) suggestibility. And i saw his old personality when he emailed me helping with my personal statement. There's a type of 'dissocation' with extreme cases of this, where two personalities can co-exist in one indivdual. However, HPD's are usually high functioning doc? :P

    Oh and adding to your sentiment about law students... I went with my ex to a law social, one guy was talking about how he couldn't wait till daddy died as he's inheriting the yacht. 0_0 We actually didn't socialise at all with any of them, as they all seemed to be talking about money in a braggy way.
    But but... cyclizine doesn't work on me... :P
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Everything you say rings true. The only alternative explanation I can think of, is my ex has histrionic personality disorder, he fits the bill, attention seeking, overly dramatic, uses physical appearance to gain attention, lack of empathy, ( and recently) suggestibility. And i saw his old personality when he emailed me helping with my personal statement. There's a type of 'dissocation' with extreme cases of this, where two personalities can co-exist in one indivdual. However, HPD's are usually high functioning doc? :P
    LMAO. Are you me? My ex ticks all those boxes, right down the personal statement. When I met this girl she was basically a chav with a reputation, skulking around central London. I helped with everything from GCSEs to (a lesser extent) A levels... practically wrote her personal statement.

    Mine was a clear case of a girl that tried to be something she wasn't when she met me, then eventually reverted to type. I did the whole "omg I can't believe people said those things about you!" routine and later discovered one by one that every single thing they had said was pretty much true. So perhaps she doesn't blow with the wind as such, she just tried to be a decent person for a while and failed.

    Being a law student in Oxford is certainly no indicator of being high functioning and if your ex can't claim that status either than I guess that rules HPD out. So we're left with vain.. shallow.. attention seeking.. inability to accept guilt.. suggestible..

    Oh oh, there's a term for these types of people, let me try and remember what it was..

    Oh yeah; ********s.

    I honestly can't even talk about her anymore, I actually wasted 4 years of my life I have nothing to show for it but betrayal and pain and a cynicism for relationships I never had before. We've learnt our lesson, just rule these people out as soon as you meet them and try and avoid ever looking back, just move on as quick as you can. It took me long ass time, I was angry for months and months, but it's just not worth it.
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    He sounds like a douche. Ignore him.
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    (Original post by Ciaran88)
    LMAO. Are you me? My ex ticks all those boxes, right down the personal statement. When I met this girl she was basically a chav with a reputation, skulking around central London. I helped with everything from GCSEs to (a lesser extent) A levels... practically wrote her personal statement.

    Mine was a clear case of a girl that tried to be something she wasn't when she met me, then eventually reverted to type. I did the whole "omg I can't believe people said those things about you!" routine and later discovered one by one that every single thing they had said was pretty much true. So perhaps she doesn't blow with the wind as such, she just tried to be a decent person for a while and failed.

    Being a law student in Oxford is certainly no indicator of being high functioning and if your ex can't claim that status either than I guess that rules HPD out. So we're left with vain.. shallow.. attention seeking.. inability to accept guilt.. suggestible..

    Oh oh, there's a term for these types of people, let me try and remember what it was..

    Oh yeah; ********s.

    I honestly can't even talk about her anymore, I actually wasted 4 years of my life I have nothing to show for it but betrayal and pain and a cynicism for relationships I never had before. We've learnt our lesson, just rule these people out as soon as you meet them and try and avoid ever looking back, just move on as quick as you can. It took me long ass time, I was angry for months and months, but it's just not worth it.
    LMAO! It is freaky how similiar the situations are, and I even wanted to be a doctor (however developed my own health problems and wouldn't be considered fit to practice now)

    Well with that, it was more the other way round. I went to a girls school, and he the boys. I got on the wrong side of a catty girl (I was friends with her boyfriend at the time, one contributing factor was he was a complete douche g-d knows why and told her my um chest was bigger than hers) and she spread a lot of rumours about me. He met me at a party, and didn't even recongise me as the infamous name because one of the rumours was that I'm obese. (I was eight and a half stone at the time, eight now.. well I guess that's one positive of a breakup :P) But when his friends realised who I was, they started on him, and he stood up for me, and continually stuck up for me throughout the relationship (who knew rumours would keep circulating for three years...) Which is yet another reason why I thought he had substance, a few other guys had liked me from that school but were too scared of the flack they'd get...I thought he was different.

    Wow, it sounds like you put in so much time to help her get where she is, whereas he didn't need any support academically, I was his emotional support though, and I did see him too often - he would have seen me everyday had I agreed.

    I think he is high functioning, his attention seeking behaviours, mean he's overly affectionate, really funny, brilliant dancer and everyone thinks he's just such a lovely guy... and he can be. He's doing alright at uni, good part time job, good friends, girlfriend - everything in his life is functional.

    Well what I now have to show, is going to be more expensive insurance! He sent me a text, changing the plans around for tommorow which confused me and pissed me off and I was running late for school...I reversed into a parked car. Yes it's my fault still I know. I ended up missing school because I was shaken up, I've never hit anything before. But you're right, I'm feeling the inner cynic, it just feels so messed up, that they're the cheater yet they get everything, whilst we're left with pain and distrust, I really hope I don't muck up my a-levels I'm finding it so hard to concentrate on work, and haven't been able to eat properly since he yelled at me.
 
 
 
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