My ex yelled at me so badly I was having to hold the phone away from my ear :S

He was probably lovely for a year because he was you boyfriend and making an effort to impress you so you would like him. Being friends straight after a break up is never going to work cos you still have all those feelings whizzing around. It takes time to get over someone and you need to give yourself that time. He is trying to make it work with someone new and you're bugging him. Why should you ask him to keep it off Facebook? I understand it hurts, but that is why you cut yourself off, you ignore him for as long as it takes. When you can finally think of him without welling up and you can look back smile and you can know he has a girlfriend and be happy for him, then you are ready to be his friend. I'm not saying you're entirely in the wrong he shouldn't have gone mental ad yelled at you, but I do think it was unfair for you to ask him to talk to his girlfriend about sparing your feelings and I think it was utterly stupid to try and be his friend when you still love him.

Haha, yeah, doesn't surprise me that he's a law students. Let's face it, it's not exactly a career that draws.. shall we say.. particularly inspiring minds.



You can make a noble profession out of it but probably 0.00000001% do.

I know why my ex attacked me, it's because she almost immediately started lying about what she was doing (only found out about this after the break up) and so making me out to be the bad guy was the way she absolved herself of any guilt. I seem to remember she later admitted that I hadn't been anything like she suggested, and instead claimed that I 100% would have acted that way if she's told me where she was going, so she was pre-emptively lying to avoid an argument... yeah, and to this day I think she thinks that's actually a reasonable mindset lmfao!

I was with her for years and throughout the entire period that's how she would behave, she has made many many mistakes in her life and she cannot cope with any feelings of guilt, so she basically lives in a dream world of lies.

It sounds like your ex was similar in some ways. It's just painful when it ends this way because you imagine how things would have been if they hadn't gone to uni or had made different friends or whatever. But you have to remind yourself, these flaws were there all along and if they didn't come out now they'd come out later on. I have known for a long time that my ex was an unstable personality and deeply untrustworthy and it had to end eventually.

So just remind yourself that it's for the best, because it really is. You've probably known that all along. The good thing is that people like this are actually not all that common, most people do have personalities.

Well considering 3 out of 5 of my best girl friends are studying law (and they're doing it for the right reasons) I feel fortunate to know so many of a minority
Maybe that's why my ex is attacking me too, if he makes me into a villain in his head - he doesn't have to feel so bad? I thought that only happened on TV, the old partner is presented as nasty, and so the audience roots for the new couple...and forget the fact they are a cheater and a homewrecker/insert better word hear :P Yes my ex did that, lying to avoid confrontation - I think a lot of people do it tbh! I guess there was a warning signing he was unstable, he drinks to the point he vomits/ has little recollection of the night/ passes out in strange places i.e kitchen counter on a regular basis but I thought all his friends drank a lot, so perhaps it's culturally the norm?
'Most people do have personalities!' Really? I tend to think most people are sheep, do you class that as a personality?

Most people that go to university are recognisably the same person as they were before they went, those kind of complete transformations are usually a sign that a person either has such a weak personality that they simply blow in whatever direction the wind is going in life, or they try for a short time to maintain the illusion of being a proper, mature, well rounded human being and university gives them an opportunity to basically chuck all that in and be a shallow retard for a while.

In the latter case the problem is that university is only a couple years long, and that hyper freshers period even shorter. Those people who are reverting to type when they hit uni may blend in to the student crowd and seem quite normal for a year or two but when they finish their degree and the vast expense of life sweeps out before them they are basically just a shallow, erratic, unstable drone whose innate immaturity sticks out like a sore thumb.

Most people might not be particularly interesting or set the world on fire but if your ex was anything like mine then they were really quite exceptionally bland and directionless and the second they entered a new crowd of people they had a total personality transplant. That is really quite rare.

Everything you say rings true. The only alternative explanation I can think of, is my ex has histrionic personality disorder, he fits the bill, attention seeking, overly dramatic, uses physical appearance to gain attention, lack of empathy, ( and recently) suggestibility. And i saw his old personality when he emailed me helping with my personal statement. There's a type of 'dissocation' with extreme cases of this, where two personalities can co-exist in one indivdual. However, HPD's are usually high functioning doc? :P

LMAO. Are you me? My ex ticks all those boxes, right down the personal statement. When I met this girl she was basically a chav with a reputation, skulking around central London. I helped with everything from GCSEs to (a lesser extent) A levels... practically wrote her personal statement.

Mine was a clear case of a girl that tried to be something she wasn't when she met me, then eventually reverted to type. I did the whole "omg I can't believe people said those things about you!" routine and later discovered one by one that every single thing they had said was pretty much true. So perhaps she doesn't blow with the wind as such, she just tried to be a decent person for a while and failed.

Being a law student in Oxford is certainly no indicator of being high functioning and if your ex can't claim that status either than I guess that rules HPD out. So we're left with vain.. shallow.. attention seeking.. inability to accept guilt.. suggestible..

Oh oh, there's a term for these types of people, let me try and remember what it was..

Oh yeah; dickheads.

I honestly can't even talk about her anymore, I actually wasted 4 years of my life I have nothing to show for it but betrayal and pain and a cynicism for relationships I never had before. We've learnt our lesson, just rule these people out as soon as you meet them and try and avoid ever looking back, just move on as quick as you can. It took me long ass time, I was angry for months and months, but it's just not worth it.