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I'm not suicidal - but I don't feel I want to live anymore watch

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    I'm a 17 year old teenage girl, and just pretty depressed about life in general. I've never been popular, but used to have a good group of friends. However since I started secondary school, I'd found it hard to make friends, and my old friends and I have drifted apart. I have days where I feel "ok", but that's just it, ok. I know everyone has ups and downs in life, but for me it's more down than up. The only thing that makes my life half-worth living is the fact that I'm doing well at school / college. I'm friendly to people, however I feel my depression is stopping me form closer bonds with them. I try not to look sad, and fake happiness when I can, however I feel like crying a lot of the time. Everything I have ever wanted has always seemed so far away, or close but like I can't reach it. Like I said, I have aquaintances that will speak to me when their real friends are in class or not in college, or to ask me for help with work, but when I asked if they wanted to meet up out of college, they said something about being really busy in the up and coming weeks. This was just after the exam period. My friends from my swim club are the same. They're nice but they have enough friends already to care to make new ones and socialise with me. If I don't get As at AS I think I might just give up on life altogether. If I could die without family knowing or noticing at all, and leave no visible trace of my disappearance, I would. I'm not considering suicide, but I definately don't want to carry on living like this. I know people say "It will get better when you start uni" but I thought it would change when I started college. Ironically I want to be a doctor. Not because I'm academic or because my parents want me to, but because I feel the need to help others to get better, and overcome their illnesses. In a way I feel it would compensate for my lack of my mental wellbeing. I don't know if that's confusing, sorry if it is. I've tried not to go on, but it's hard to explain how I feel in a short post. Help would be much appreciated.
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    Being sociable is not that important as you make it. Dont risk your life just because you personally think you dont have any friends.

    Have a chat to your classmates about random stuff, help them with their work and just start conversations anywhere you want. I did that and now I speak to everyone in my classes - before it was only 3 to 5 people.
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    It's so hard to read..your depressed an all but can you seperate thing into paragraphs.

    Life is like that so you'll have to learn how to survive. You want to become a doctor then work for it!
    Everyone reaches a low point sometime in their lives but just get on with it because tomorrow is a brand new day.
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    Don't let it beat you. The world needs more people like you, willing to help others... To give in is to do everyone else an injustice and I reckon that if you care about people as you say you do you won't want to let that happen!
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    Are you attending a sixth form college/followed through from high school? A change of environment may well make a big difference.

    A lot of us have been here in similar situations and the fact of the matter is there is no easy answer or solution, which is just what you need to know to make you feel better.

    Little things that can help though like reviewing your diet and exercise (i'm assuming by swim club you do regular exercise which helps). Hormones could play a large role in this as well, even if it's not an up-down rollercoaster they're still messing with you a lot.

    Infact, I don't think this type of thing entirely goes away, or rather it will take a while. Keep your head up and muddle through. I still don't have any close friends, my best friends are on the internet, just someone to spam and put a smile on your face.
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    I used to feel exactly the same way as you (in fact I think you've pretty much encapsulated my feelings perfectly as they were when I was 17) but, I'll try to give you an idea of how things have progressed since then.

    I used to think that life was all about being happy - but by "happy" I meant feeling like was on cloud no.9 all the time. Surely if I was "happy", I'd always be elated? If I'm honest, I thought this would come through finding the perfect girl for me. But as I've experienced more and matured more, I've realised a few things:

    a.) You change a lot between the ages of 17 and 25, both in your personal feelings, and in your circumstances. Seriously. You may not think it now but in 7/8 years time you will look back and realise what a difference a few years have made.
    b.) There is much, so much more to life than the opposite sex (I know you've not mentioned it in your own post, but this was probably the single most important thing to me when I was 17, so I felt the need to mention it). Obviously being in a relationship can be great, but it's only a small part of who you are - and as you mature this will become more and more apparent (you will naturally become more independent, more so than you think)
    c.) Your life gets better as you get more control over it. Ok, so you're still at school at the moment. Soon you'll be at Uni, and you'll be much more free than you were before. Once you finish Uni, you'll be a doctor, and this is not only a fascinating and challenging career in itself, but is well respected and makes you feel you're making a positive contribution to society (another factor which will increase in importance as you grow older). As other people start to show more interest in you, so your own esteem will grow
    d.) You'll mellow as you mature. At this time, you'll probably feel like I'm being a condescending prick. But I'll tell you how it is. When you're a teenager (in fact 17 years old is probably the worst time), everything is emotionally exaggerated. When you're sad, you're depressed. When you've had a particularly bad day, you're close to suicide. This will change. Continue on and as simply as it's said, you'll just find yourself more content with life.
    e.) You'll gain much more "direction" in life, and as your focus shifts towards achieving your goals, you'll be more influenced by those ambitions, and with a strong purpose in life, you'll feel much happier.

    At the end of the day, I'd just say push through it - life will get better and you will get happier
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    I think I understand what you mean....life has just become boring and nothing at all seems to interest you anymore and you don't really have any firm friends, but just sort of float around......

    I went through this phase for a bit after major personal event that affected everything in my life....but then I realised that there is no point living like this as you might as well be dead...I now have many friends, do well (by TSR standards) in school and although every now and again I think of what could have been if said event didn't happen, I have generally accepted the **** hand I've been dealt and get on with life.......incidently, I too want to be a doctor
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I used to feel exactly the same way as you (in fact I think you've pretty much encapsulated my feelings perfectly as they were when I was 17) but, I'll try to give you an idea of how things have progressed since then.

    I used to think that life was all about being happy - but by "happy" I meant feeling like was on cloud no.9 all the time. Surely if I was "happy", I'd always be elated? If I'm honest, I thought this would come through finding the perfect girl for me. But as I've experienced more and matured more, I've realised a few things:

    a.) You change a lot between the ages of 17 and 25, both in your personal feelings, and in your circumstances. Seriously. You may not think it now but in 7/8 years time you will look back and realise what a difference a few years have made.
    b.) There is much, so much more to life than the opposite sex (I know you've not mentioned it in your own post, but this was probably the single most important thing to me when I was 17, so I felt the need to mention it). Obviously being in a relationship can be great, but it's only a small part of who you are - and as you mature this will become more and more apparent (you will naturally become more independent, more so than you think)
    c.) Your life gets better as you get more control over it. Ok, so you're still at school at the moment. Soon you'll be at Uni, and you'll be much more free than you were before. Once you finish Uni, you'll be a doctor, and this is not only a fascinating and challenging career in itself, but is well respected and makes you feel you're making a positive contribution to society (another factor which will increase in importance as you grow older). As other people start to show more interest in you, so your own esteem will grow
    d.) You'll mellow as you mature. At this time, you'll probably feel like I'm being a condescending prick. But I'll tell you how it is. When you're a teenager (in fact 17 years old is probably the worst time), everything is emotionally exaggerated. When you're sad, you're depressed. When you've had a particularly bad day, you're close to suicide. This will change. Continue on and as simply as it's said, you'll just find yourself more content with life.
    e.) You'll gain much more "direction" in life, and as your focus shifts towards achieving your goals, you'll be more influenced by those ambitions, and with a strong purpose in life, you'll feel much happier.

    At the end of the day, I'd just say push through it - life will get better and you will get happier
    this person is very very very right.
    read this post again and take in what is being said.

    never live your life to please others....always do what you want and what you need to do because in 3 or 4 years time you will prob not even know thoes people.
    everyone you know is prob a teenager. teenager are strange creatures. being friends with them is a dangerouse game because they are so emotionally unstable. thats is why in time it will get better. the hormones in your friends will calm down and you will too and every thing will be so much easier. it is just part of the messy game that is growing up.

    if you are really struggling please go and see your doctor (dont worry she is not allowed to tell any one you are of age) she may be able to orginise some help, or even just listen. doctors dont always give out drugs they can be good listeners to (esp GPs )
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    I know what you mean. I've had so many bad things happen in my life even though I try to make things good and it makes me wonder why I even bother.
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    (Original post by x y z)
    I know what you mean. I've had so many bad things happen in my life even though I try to make things good and it makes me wonder why I even bother.
    I can relate to this.
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    Sounds like depression to me. I suggest you go see a doctor so you get to talk about this with a professional. And don't feel embarrassed about it. It is not strange at all these days for a person to see a psychiatrist for example.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I used to feel exactly the same way as you (in fact I think you've pretty much encapsulated my feelings perfectly as they were when I was 17) but, I'll try to give you an idea of how things have progressed since then.

    I used to think that life was all about being happy - but by "happy" I meant feeling like was on cloud no.9 all the time. Surely if I was "happy", I'd always be elated? If I'm honest, I thought this would come through finding the perfect girl for me. But as I've experienced more and matured more, I've realised a few things:

    a.) You change a lot between the ages of 17 and 25, both in your personal feelings, and in your circumstances. Seriously. You may not think it now but in 7/8 years time you will look back and realise what a difference a few years have made.
    b.) There is much, so much more to life than the opposite sex (I know you've not mentioned it in your own post, but this was probably the single most important thing to me when I was 17, so I felt the need to mention it). Obviously being in a relationship can be great, but it's only a small part of who you are - and as you mature this will become more and more apparent (you will naturally become more independent, more so than you think)
    c.) Your life gets better as you get more control over it. Ok, so you're still at school at the moment. Soon you'll be at Uni, and you'll be much more free than you were before. Once you finish Uni, you'll be a doctor, and this is not only a fascinating and challenging career in itself, but is well respected and makes you feel you're making a positive contribution to society (another factor which will increase in importance as you grow older). As other people start to show more interest in you, so your own esteem will grow
    d.) You'll mellow as you mature. At this time, you'll probably feel like I'm being a condescending prick. But I'll tell you how it is. When you're a teenager (in fact 17 years old is probably the worst time), everything is emotionally exaggerated. When you're sad, you're depressed. When you've had a particularly bad day, you're close to suicide. This will change. Continue on and as simply as it's said, you'll just find yourself more content with life.
    e.) You'll gain much more "direction" in life, and as your focus shifts towards achieving your goals, you'll be more influenced by those ambitions, and with a strong purpose in life, you'll feel much happier.

    At the end of the day, I'd just say push through it - life will get better and you will get happier
    Thanks. It's just I've felt like this on and off for years. For ever since I can remember really. Before it was about home and family problems (parents were quite strict and although not physically abusive, I feel the did sometimes overstep the mark with physical discipline). I do have the odd happy moment, but I'd say it's split 90% sadness / feeling of indifference and 10% happy. (I'd say the happiness only really comes from exam success, sad I know. If I had more in my life I'd look forward to it more, but for now, I'm clinging on to the only thing that truly can and does give me happiness.
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    What I got from the post is this;
    Don't have many friends.

    If you have your health, good prospects to achieve want you want in a career, a roof over your head and a full stomach, life is worth living. You need some perspective, you are actually a very lucky person. Some people cannot afford the education they want and in a much worse scenario than yourself. I am not saying you don't have reason to be unhappy, but life is what you make it and you need to get some confidence, get on with it, and worry about friends later. You have a brilliant opportunity to make a difference and you will meet people along the way and make friends, but don't wallow in self pity, you have nothing to gain from that.
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    (Original post by ABeautifulMind)
    What I got from the post is this;
    Don't have many friends.

    If you have your health, good prospects to achieve want you want in a career, a roof over your head and a full stomach, life is worth living. You need some perspective, you are actually a very lucky person. Some people cannot afford the education they want and in a much worse scenario than yourself. I am not saying you don't have reason to be unhappy, but life is what you make it and you need to get some confidence, get on with it, and worry about friends later. You have a brilliant opportunity to make a difference and you will meet people along the way and make friends, but don't wallow in self pity, you have nothing to gain from that.
    thanks. it just feels like when i feel everything is going badly, i get up in the morning thinking there's no point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks. it just feels like when i feel everything is going badly, i get up in the morning thinking there's no point.

    Well you need to think differently don't you? I know its easier said than done but it IS possible. Find yourself something to get up for. Think of those people you want to help! How about a small part time job? The gym? Do a little charity work? Tutor people who are struggling in your course? The possibilities are endless! I may sound like a coming down on you a bit hard and i'm not making light of your situation, but I have been there myself and the few friends I had turned on me and I had to learn some real lessons fast. Life is what YOU make it, not anyone else. The only people that are worthy of being your friend will go out their way to spend time with you. Don't chase people who don't.
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    " I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either." - Robbie Williams - Feel.
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    We are human beings.
    If there is one thing my father left with me is that if you want something there is nothing that can stop you getting it apart from how much you actually want it?
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    (Original post by Maturity)
    " I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either." - Robbie Williams - Feel.
    I didn't realise they were the lyrics to that track. Well I guess that pretty much sums up my life, sadly...
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    (Original post by Starless Eyes)
    I can relate to this.
    surely its better to still act good even if the outcomes are bad? I admire that!
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    (Original post by Steverockin)
    surely its better to still act good even if the outcomes are bad? I admire that!
    :yep:
 
 
 
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