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Boyfriend said sex was boring and I wasn't good at it Watch

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    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    Well, you seem to be automatically dismissing her side of the story.
    No, I just take it all with a grain of salt. I basically don't believe anyone's ********, because it's always exaggerated poorly-remembered nonsense. The number of ******** stories I've heard from situations I was actually in, that get exaggerated and twisted and completely ******, with what people apparently "said"... it's ridiculous. I am thankfully unmoved by people's crap any more. It's a major hobby of most girls, and many men, to ***** about others, and most people are easily taken in by that and will hate on the subject as well, but I just really don't go for that kind of stuff. There's never any substance to it, and there's ALWAYS another side to the story.

    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    The fact of the matter remains, he must have been pretty damn tactless, or she wouldn't be so upset. If he'd brought up bedroom problems constructively with tact and understanding, she'd feel relaxed enough mentally to start experimenting, and wouldn't be upset now.
    OR, we could say that she must be pretty damn pathetic. He was clearly not tactful enough for her particular emotional disposition, and she was clearly too emotionally vulnerable for his particular level of tact. We have to wonder if there was a possible/reasonable way he could have mentioned it that wouldn't have set her off. In my experience, that just isn't possible - girls will go ape **** about sensitive issue like this, if you breathe a single word about them.

    How do you think he could he have phrased it that wouldn't have got her/the average girl incredibly upset?

    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    Saying that she was bad because she hadn't orgasmed is an extremely ignorant thing to say, I can't see how anyone can dispute that.
    Again, we absolutely need to see his actual words - it's not clear what he said at all. He may well have been saying that he was concerned that she didn't orgasm and hoped that she could, or maybe just trying to back-track after seeing her start crying over his initial comments. Anyone who has dealt with girls knows what ridiculous interpretations they settle on, regardless of what the guy actually says.

    I just find the whole thing so damn pathetic. Even if the dude was a bit direct with his words (which is a good thing, imo), then why do we congratulate OP for collapsing into a blubbering wreck and being unable to talk to him about it? She could have just asked what he meant, answered his concerns, and so on - but instead breaks down and tears up for TSR.
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    I am 100% serious when I ask this.

    Does he have a mental disorder?
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    Pretty sure everyone on the first page is on their period. Jesus Christ.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically he said "you're not very good at sex are you" and when I got upset, he saidhe meant I was bad because I haven't orgasmed from having sex yet (how does that mean I'm bad? Some girls don't get off from sex right?)

    Then LATER, he said that it was boring. I got upset again and he says we only do "boring positions". We've only been having sex for a month, and I was a virgin until then, I'm still getting used to it.....

    I feel really un-confident now and refused to have sex with him later on when he tried, then he said I was "taking it too seriously and being too sensitive", and that it was "only a joke."

    Meh Am I being too sensitive? What would you do???
    He is an absolute freak. A ********. Get rid now, because if you don't you will be wasting you life staying with him until it eventually ends, which it will. This isn't being nasty, it's just the truth. Nobody who genuinely cares about you would say stuff like that. Dump the fool.:cool:
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    errr dump
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    DO NOT WANT!

    i.e. dump.
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    Even from an arrogant shallow teenage male perspective ( Me ), he's a **** and he passed the line, absolutely no consideration to your feelings what so ever.
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    Why is everyone saying "you deserve better than him/this", as if they actually know the person? Also, they may be absolutely perfect together, but he ****** up once and everyone is screaming "DUMP - HE'S A **** AND I'M RIGHT IN SAYING THIS!!1!!ONE!1"

    After almost every response I want a Jerry Springer audience to applaud, whilst I lone black woman clicks her fingers and says "mmm hmm."
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    cut off his penis.
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    sounds liek a (unt
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    dump his ass or if not tell him he must be **** at sex if he hasn't made you orgasm! or better yet tell him he has a small knob and that you don't experiment because he isn't to good at the first position still
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    listen darls wt u need to do is get sum knives 2nite and cut his ******* balls off then his knob as well, cuz ur emotions are his responsibility innit so ******* kill him while he sleeps, then dump him
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    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    No, I just take it all with a grain of salt.

    Exactly, which basically means that you don't believe any of what she's saying.You don't know that he didn't say what she said he did. Just because there's another side of the story, it doesn't mean that you should just dismiss out of hand the original one.

    OR, we could say that she must be pretty damn pathetic. He was clearly not tactful enough for her particular emotional disposition, and she was clearly too emotionally vulnerable for his particular level of tact. We have to wonder if there was a possible/reasonable way he could have mentioned it that wouldn't have set her off. In my experience, that just isn't possible - girls will go ape **** about sensitive issue like this, if you breathe a single word about them.

    Wow, sounds like you've had some bad experiences. Doesn't mean that we all fly off the handle/break down at the slightest criticism though, or that if this girl did, it was for no good reason.

    How do you think he could he have phrased it that wouldn't have got her/the average girl incredibly upset?

    Obviously I don't know exactly what aspect of what she was or wasn't doing that he didn't like, but say if he was getting bored of missionary and her not doing enough, then the next time they were in bed, he could first of all just do lots of foreplay to get her really horny. As well as doing stuff to her that she liked, he could get her to do stuff to him that he liked by saying things like 'I love it when you do *such-and-such*, you really turn me on, you're so good at this'. Then, when they're both really horny, he could say 'I'd like to try something new, I think you'll love it', and ask her to climb on top of him in cowgirl position. He'd be telling her how sexy she looks, and once she gets going, how much she turns him on. That way, she's relaxed and confident and feeling good, and this should have a positive affect on the sex for both sides.

    I honestly don't see how any girl could possibly be offended if their BF did the above. Yet if he started complaining about her, and taking it personally if she didn't orgasm (not realising that it's not under her control), then it's easy to see how she would be offended. Nobody likes having their sexual prowess criticised, especially if it's done like a great big slap in the face with no tact at all.


    Again, we absolutely need to see his actual words - it's not clear what he said at all. He may well have been saying that he was concerned that she didn't orgasm and hoped that she could, or maybe just trying to back-track after seeing her start crying over his initial comments. Anyone who has dealt with girls knows what ridiculous interpretations they settle on, regardless of what the guy actually says.

    Yet if he had shown concern and understanding then she wouldn't have got so upset would she? Mildly offended, maybe, but it wouldn't be grounds for anything more. And again, you're stereotyping, and you don't know the OP either, so how do you know if she gets upset a lot or not?

    I just find the whole thing so damn pathetic. Even if the dude was a bit direct with his words (which is a good thing, imo), then why do we congratulate OP for collapsing into a blubbering wreck and being unable to talk to him about it? She could have just asked what he meant, answered his concerns, and so on - but instead breaks down and tears up for TSR.
    We're not congratulating OP for being upset, we can just see why she is. Even if her BF didn't use those exact words, then it still sounds like he was acting a lot more than just 'a bit direct'.
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    Well, you boyfriend is just being..... Out of order tbh. To me, sex isn't just "sex", its about making love to that person. I make love to my soulmate, because I love the everything about her, everything... She is everything, and all I want to do is make her feel the best, because she is amazing. Well, that's how I see it, I hate guys like this, he's just using you for his own sexual gain..Stubborn, either he sorts himself out, or he's gone. Relationships, you treat the other person the way you wanted to be treated. So make him feel how you feel...
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    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    Exactly, which basically means that you don't believe any of what she's saying.
    Or, and this is just a crazy idea really, perhaps it means what I actually said! :eek3:

    I don't disbelieve her, I just don't accept her version of events as being particularly accurate, especially since they're so vague, indirect and lacking of details. If we had the guy coming on here instead of her, with all you sheep supporting him and saying she was being over-sensitive, then I'd be pretty suspicious of his story as well.
    If you only recognise two possible states - complete belief in what she says, or "not believing any of what she's saying", that that won't make any sense to you, unfortunately, and I suppose you'll just have to just make up some other answer for me that you can process.


    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    We're not congratulating OP for being upset, we can just see why she is. Even if her BF didn't use those exact words, then it still sounds like he was acting a lot more than just 'a bit direct'.
    It sure looks like you are. This whole forum section is such a miserable place, everyone being encouraged to blame other people for their shortcomings and emotional difficulties. It's not something I believe in at all. If she got upset, that's a problem with her mind, not the noises that came out of his mouth. Doesn't it strike you as a really undesirable situation to be so manipulable by mere words? That he can speak a few sounds and invoke this devastating feeling in her. It's pathetic, and it's one thing I'm glad I never experience.
    I take responsibility for how I feel - it's never anyone else's fault but my own.


    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    Yet if he had shown concern and understanding then she wouldn't have got so upset would she? Mildly offended, maybe, but it wouldn't be grounds for anything more.
    It's all relative, though. Hell, I'll just copy from my last post:

    He was clearly not tactful enough for her particular emotional disposition, and she was clearly too emotionally vulnerable for his particular level of tact.

    Does that make sense? What he said and his choice of phrasing, and her emotional state/ability to deal with criticism, were poorly matched in this case. That's all there is to it. If she wasn't such a baby, she wouldn't have got upset, and if he wasn't so frank about it then she wouldn't have got upset either.

    (Original post by FormerlyHistoryStudent)
    And again, you're stereotyping, and you don't know the OP either, so how do you know if she gets upset a lot or not?
    Well, I'm not sure I ever said that she did, but as it happens, I'd bet a lot of money on her getting upset often. As often as any normal girl. Which is a lot.
    Getting upset by this tells us that she is a typical girl with zero self confidence, whose state of mind rests on a knife-edge waiting to be tipped by whatever compliment or criticism happens to come their way (real or imagined).
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    Tell him to go **** himself. Quite literally.
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    He sounds like an idiot who is probably trying to compensate for the fact he hasn't been able to make you orgasm yet by trying to somehow pass the blame onto you. It's total bull**** don't fall for it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically he said "you're not very good at sex are you" and when I got upset, he saidhe meant I was bad because I haven't orgasmed from having sex yet (how does that mean I'm bad? Some girls don't get off from sex right?)

    Then LATER, he said that it was boring. I got upset again and he says we only do "boring positions". We've only been having sex for a month, and I was a virgin until then, I'm still getting used to it.....

    I feel really un-confident now and refused to have sex with him later on when he tried, then he said I was "taking it too seriously and being too sensitive", and that it was "only a joke."

    Meh Am I being too sensitive? What would you do???
    Completely withholding sex actually sounds like a pretty funny way to solve this. But yeah, he's being pretty harsh.

    If you want to improve, watch some porn or something and take note.
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    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    If we had the guy coming on here instead of her, with all you sheep supporting him and saying she was being over-sensitive, then I'd be pretty suspicious of his story as well.
    If you only recognise two possible states - complete belief in what she says, or "not believing any of what she's saying", that that won't make any sense to you, unfortunately, and I suppose you'll just have to just make up some other answer for me that you can process.

    :rolleyes: I've already agreed that there's two sides to the story, and I'd like to hear the other one too actually, but that still shouldn't mean that you should just assume that she's being silly and over-emotional for no good reason.

    It sure looks like you are. This whole forum section is such a miserable place, everyone being encouraged to blame other people for their shortcomings and emotional difficulties. It's not something I believe in at all. If she got upset, that's a problem with her mind, not the noises that came out of his mouth. Doesn't it strike you as a really undesirable situation to be so manipulable by mere words? That he can speak a few sounds and invoke this devastating feeling in her. It's pathetic, and it's one thing I'm glad I never experience.
    I take responsibility for how I feel - it's never anyone else's fault but my own.

    Jesus Christ. I barely ever post in this subforum, and once I do I come to realise why I stopped doing so in the first place. You can't seem to say anything without other people jumping on you causing arguments.

    So if your girlfriend laughed at your prowess in bed, or told you outright that you didn't satisfy her at all and were boring in bed, you wouldn't mind? Or if she insulted your tastes or possessions or parents? After all, it's just words, isn't it. :rolleyes: Yeah right.


    It's all relative, though. Hell, I'll just copy from my last post:

    He was clearly not tactful enough for her particular emotional disposition, and she was clearly too emotionally vulnerable for his particular level of tact.

    Does that make sense? What he said and his choice of phrasing, and her emotional state/ability to deal with criticism, were poorly matched in this case. That's all there is to it. If she wasn't such a baby, she wouldn't have got upset, and if he wasn't so frank about it then she wouldn't have got upset either.
    Yet again you're assuming a hell of a lot about her, basing your view on stereotypes. You don't seem to see any problem with people being blunt and insensitive, even when it's obviously offensive and likely to hurt other people. You just blame it all on the person they're being insensitive to. Do you not see any value in tact or diplomacy?
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    Answer is obvious, he feels humiliated for not making you orgasm and so he is blaming you for his inability to use his penis in efficient ways. Don't get too worked up over it, you've only been at it a month, it most definitely isn't you who is the problem in the room of bed.
 
 
 
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