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Worried that my girlfriend might be cheating
I've been going out with my girlfriend now for the past 6 months. Most of that time has been amazing, although we've had a few rough patches and an interesting history. We started off living together in halls and quickly made friends. We quickly became best friends and the sexual tension between us built up, until one night she came back to my room, we made out. Soon after that we both lost our virginity to one another and we kept having casual sex for a whilst remaining good friends for a while.
After a while I told her that I didn't want any commitments and we agreed just to keep our friends with benefits arrangement. I made out with a few girls but I didn't sleep with anyone else during this time and she then told me that she wanted me exclusively. I told her that I couldn't agree and we broke off the arrangement. Our friendship broke down and we were both upset and stressed, and a week or so later I met up with a girl one night (Who'd be cheated on by her boyfriend and broke up with him) and we ended up having sex. The next day, my girlfriend-to-be said that she'd heard that this girl was round last night and she asked me if anything happened and I just straight up told her that we had sex and then she broke down crying and went home for the weekend.
Just before the end of spring term we made up as friends one night, but ended up going back to my room and making out (But we never had sex). From then until the end of term we kept being in eachothers rooms and spending time with eachother but she didn't want to have sex. I went back home for the Spring and in the middle of the holiday I realised (doh!) how much of a dickhead I'd been and how I'd let down an opportunity for an amazing relationship with someone who I couldn't keep my hands off and whom I connected with so strongly. So after I went to visit her, and she came to visit me, I told her that I wanted to put the past behind us, that I'd be trying to supress my feelings for her, and that I was prepared to commit and she accepted.
After that things went brilliantly! Until 4 weeks into the relationship she was drunk and in tears and came knocking on my door at 3 in the morning to tell me that she'd cheated on me with another guy, and that she'd made out with him in a club, but that she got a taxi home straight away to come and see me and that she was sorry. When I asked her why she seemed hesistant to give a reason, but when I probed a bit she told me that she didn't feel like I appreciated her and she wanted to see if I'd care if she did go and cheat on me. I told her to get some sleep and that we'd talk about it when we were both sober in the morning. I tried to think about her reasoning and I saw that I perhaps didn't compliment her enough and that I may have at times, not really appreciated some of things that she did for me enough. I told her that it wasn't an excuse and that she should have come and told me, but that I was willing to see if we could work things out and that we have to stay completely open about all our thoughts and feelings with eachother.
Summer term ended and she went back home whilst I stayed at university with a summer job, but she came up and stayed with me for a very large part of the summer (We never spent more than 2 weeks apart) and I visited her a few weekends. Things between us got better and feelings grew stronger and not long into the summer she popped the "L" word and I told her that I loved her too.
So despite a rocky past, that brings us up until last week, which before I've never questioned that she might have cheated on me. I went to visit her one weekend and we had a really good time, anyway, the night before I left after we had sex she counted the number of condoms we had to try and figure out how many times we'd had sex the previous weekend when she came to see me (A lot of times lol!) and we had 4 left.
I went back to where I was staying and to my job for a week. During this time she acted a bit strange at points when we were chatting online, she said that she didn't feel very well and was a bit grumpy on a couple of occassions in the week and seemed unlike her usual self. We also usually chatted over webcam but for the whole week she wouldn't come on camera, except for on one occassion when she was showing me her new hair cut. I told her a few dirty things whilst she was away, which she usually really likes and plays along with, but she didn't really seem very bothered and just ignored them. She then told a few of my friends who are also living at uni over the summer that she was coming up for the weekend days before she told me (Which didn't really bother me too much). But then she didn't come up on the day she said she would and said that she didn't feel like making the drive and spent all day watching pride & prejudice and eating sweets (Which I could understand, given it's about 3 hours).
So when she did come up we had a pretty nice time, but her sex drive was wayyy off what it usually is. The last time she saw me after spending time apart we'd had sex about a good 3-4 times in one day / night. During foreplay she seemed a little bit distracted and much slower than usual (As if her head was elsewhere), and when we were having sex she asked me if I'd grown (Nice compliment, but she doesn't usually say that). Anyway, just before she went we went over to the house she's living at next year, had sex once and then I was just doodling about and looked inside her condom box and noticed that there was only 2 condoms, meaning that one had gone missing. It only dawned on me after she left, so I had a look at my chatlogs from the other day and saw that she told me that we had 4 condoms left as well (Not the number we did have), so I texted her and asked her about it and she said that she didn't count before she came and that there were 3.
I'm not sure what to do now? I'm 99.9% sure she hasn't been cheating on me, but that 0.1% of me is eating away at my thoughts. There's the possibility that we had sex again after we counted the condoms but I forgot? I'm perhaps worrying more than other people would about this given that my last girlfriend cheated on me 4 times and I never knew till we broke up (But in retrospective that seemed pretty obvious).
Thanks if you've read this! Sorry for the essay, but this is pretty much the full story without any partial truths.
After a while I told her that I didn't want any commitments and we agreed just to keep our friends with benefits arrangement. I made out with a few girls but I didn't sleep with anyone else during this time and she then told me that she wanted me exclusively. I told her that I couldn't agree and we broke off the arrangement. Our friendship broke down and we were both upset and stressed, and a week or so later I met up with a girl one night (Who'd be cheated on by her boyfriend and broke up with him) and we ended up having sex. The next day, my girlfriend-to-be said that she'd heard that this girl was round last night and she asked me if anything happened and I just straight up told her that we had sex and then she broke down crying and went home for the weekend.
Just before the end of spring term we made up as friends one night, but ended up going back to my room and making out (But we never had sex). From then until the end of term we kept being in eachothers rooms and spending time with eachother but she didn't want to have sex. I went back home for the Spring and in the middle of the holiday I realised (doh!) how much of a dickhead I'd been and how I'd let down an opportunity for an amazing relationship with someone who I couldn't keep my hands off and whom I connected with so strongly. So after I went to visit her, and she came to visit me, I told her that I wanted to put the past behind us, that I'd be trying to supress my feelings for her, and that I was prepared to commit and she accepted.
After that things went brilliantly! Until 4 weeks into the relationship she was drunk and in tears and came knocking on my door at 3 in the morning to tell me that she'd cheated on me with another guy, and that she'd made out with him in a club, but that she got a taxi home straight away to come and see me and that she was sorry. When I asked her why she seemed hesistant to give a reason, but when I probed a bit she told me that she didn't feel like I appreciated her and she wanted to see if I'd care if she did go and cheat on me. I told her to get some sleep and that we'd talk about it when we were both sober in the morning. I tried to think about her reasoning and I saw that I perhaps didn't compliment her enough and that I may have at times, not really appreciated some of things that she did for me enough. I told her that it wasn't an excuse and that she should have come and told me, but that I was willing to see if we could work things out and that we have to stay completely open about all our thoughts and feelings with eachother.
Summer term ended and she went back home whilst I stayed at university with a summer job, but she came up and stayed with me for a very large part of the summer (We never spent more than 2 weeks apart) and I visited her a few weekends. Things between us got better and feelings grew stronger and not long into the summer she popped the "L" word and I told her that I loved her too.
So despite a rocky past, that brings us up until last week, which before I've never questioned that she might have cheated on me. I went to visit her one weekend and we had a really good time, anyway, the night before I left after we had sex she counted the number of condoms we had to try and figure out how many times we'd had sex the previous weekend when she came to see me (A lot of times lol!) and we had 4 left.
I went back to where I was staying and to my job for a week. During this time she acted a bit strange at points when we were chatting online, she said that she didn't feel very well and was a bit grumpy on a couple of occassions in the week and seemed unlike her usual self. We also usually chatted over webcam but for the whole week she wouldn't come on camera, except for on one occassion when she was showing me her new hair cut. I told her a few dirty things whilst she was away, which she usually really likes and plays along with, but she didn't really seem very bothered and just ignored them. She then told a few of my friends who are also living at uni over the summer that she was coming up for the weekend days before she told me (Which didn't really bother me too much). But then she didn't come up on the day she said she would and said that she didn't feel like making the drive and spent all day watching pride & prejudice and eating sweets (Which I could understand, given it's about 3 hours).
So when she did come up we had a pretty nice time, but her sex drive was wayyy off what it usually is. The last time she saw me after spending time apart we'd had sex about a good 3-4 times in one day / night. During foreplay she seemed a little bit distracted and much slower than usual (As if her head was elsewhere), and when we were having sex she asked me if I'd grown (Nice compliment, but she doesn't usually say that). Anyway, just before she went we went over to the house she's living at next year, had sex once and then I was just doodling about and looked inside her condom box and noticed that there was only 2 condoms, meaning that one had gone missing. It only dawned on me after she left, so I had a look at my chatlogs from the other day and saw that she told me that we had 4 condoms left as well (Not the number we did have), so I texted her and asked her about it and she said that she didn't count before she came and that there were 3.
I'm not sure what to do now? I'm 99.9% sure she hasn't been cheating on me, but that 0.1% of me is eating away at my thoughts. There's the possibility that we had sex again after we counted the condoms but I forgot? I'm perhaps worrying more than other people would about this given that my last girlfriend cheated on me 4 times and I never knew till we broke up (But in retrospective that seemed pretty obvious).
Thanks if you've read this! Sorry for the essay, but this is pretty much the full story without any partial truths.
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