The Student Room Group

How does one forgive themselves?

I had microcheated/cheated on my girlfriend. I had immediate regret and guilt from it and I told her. She has forgiven me but I can’t seem to forgive myself and move forward from it. I don’t feel happy internally. I’ve had these compulsions of breaking up with her in hope I feel better, but at the same time I have fear that I’ve let go of someone who I feel is very special to me.
What in the world is microcheating?
Reply 2
You have to look at the reasons why you cheated in the first place? Was this a deliberate decision to chase someone else or were you off your face and acting on impulse?

Your definition of 'microcheated' is interesting, almost minimalising the act. This is a breach of trust. What do you want out of a relationship? You might be someone who always has to keep looking for 'the grass is greener' over the fence and you are unlikely to change. For her sake I would consider leaving her because you know you are going to do this 'again' and 'again' and 'again' You will end up just 'using' her.

Your gf deserves so much more. Until you understand that you should not commit to a one to one relationship but just decide whether you are mature enough and settled enough to commit to anyone just yet? Play the field and find what makes you happy but know yourself first, be honest with others and then decide.
Reply 3
Original post by Muttly
You have to look at the reasons why you cheated in the first place? Was this a deliberate decision to chase someone else or were you off your face and acting on impulse?

Your definition of 'microcheated' is interesting, almost minimalising the act. This is a breach of trust. What do you want out of a relationship? You might be someone who always has to keep looking for 'the grass is greener' over the fence and you are unlikely to change. For her sake I would consider leaving her because you know you are going to do this 'again' and 'again' and 'again' You will end up just 'using' her.

Your gf deserves so much more. Until you understand that you should not commit to a one to one relationship but just decide whether you are mature enough and settled enough to commit to anyone just yet? Play the field and find what makes you happy but know yourself first, be honest with others and then decide.


I cheated to impress my friends at the time and it was something I instantly regret. What do you mean that I will keep doing it again?
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I cheated to impress my friends at the time and it was something I instantly regret. What do you mean that I will keep doing it again?

Why do you need to impress your friends? That was a deliberate decision? If you are insecure and look to gain esteem from doing acts that you need approval from those around you you are more likely to keep repeating the behaviour.
She deserves better than someone who would cheat on them just to impress some friends. Cheating indicates a general dissatisfaction with a relationship.
And cheating, however "micro" it is, is still cheating.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I cheated to impress my friends at the time and it was something I instantly regret.

Makes a change from the usual "I cheated because I was drunk", but it's the same kind of excuse; deflecting blame and trying to suggest some other agency is responsible for your behaviour. And what is 'microcheating' anyway, other than just plain ol' cheating? Are you the idiot who misjudged your friends or do you need to ditch them and make some new ones?

If you are really that reckless and selfish, you're going to keep repeating your mistakes and making excuses for them. You are incredibly lucky to have a girlfriend who has forgiven you; either grow up and value what you have or breakup and let her be truly happy.

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