what do I do? (relationship advice from random strangers required)
ok, so i've been with my current boyfriend for just under 2 months, i knew him for just under a month before that (met through mutual aquaintances at a party).
so at first, it was LOVELY. he was everything my (not very good) ex boyfriend wasn't, he was really nice to me, when we went out he paid (novel for me, trust me), and he cleared time for me.
the last bit has now become a problem. he pointed out at the start that he had a very busy life, he is involved in politics, is in several bands, goes to gigs all the time, teaches piano, volunteers at the local pool, as well as school work. we don't go to the same school, he lives about 15 miles away but there are bus/train links between where we live which you can get for under £5. but initially, this didn't seem a big deal, because spare days/afternoons he had he'd let me know,and we'd meet up, and it would be lovely.
but now things have changed. we have got into a pattern of meeting up only once a week, for about 3 hours. and i just can't cope with it. we don't text anymore (long story involving him not having access to a phone all the time) and we only meet up once a week. that itself is horrible, i do stuff too, but obviously i'm nowhere NEAR as busy as he is, so it does feel like i spend a lot of time sitting around at home thinking about missing him, whilst he basically goes out and doesn't bother thinking about me. but also now, if he has a spare day/afternoon he doesn't even tell me, he goes and does other stuff with other people, or does homework, and doesn't let me know.
it's clear that i am not his number 1 priority, and i know it's horrible and selfish of me, but what do i do?
i mentioned to him about it over facebook chat last night, but he just shrugged it off and said 'well, do more stuff, then you won't think about it too much'
in THEORY i am meant to see him on tuesday, but that might not work out...it ALWAYS seems like it's me who pushes to organise meeting up and stuff, but now i've run out of money he'd have to come here, and that might not happen...but do i mention my worries on tuesday, and risk ruining the 1 time i'll see him in the next fortnight (i have uni interviews the week after so won't see him), and potentially the whole relationship? or do i just deal with it? how?
AHHHHH.
so at first, it was LOVELY. he was everything my (not very good) ex boyfriend wasn't, he was really nice to me, when we went out he paid (novel for me, trust me), and he cleared time for me.
the last bit has now become a problem. he pointed out at the start that he had a very busy life, he is involved in politics, is in several bands, goes to gigs all the time, teaches piano, volunteers at the local pool, as well as school work. we don't go to the same school, he lives about 15 miles away but there are bus/train links between where we live which you can get for under £5. but initially, this didn't seem a big deal, because spare days/afternoons he had he'd let me know,and we'd meet up, and it would be lovely.
but now things have changed. we have got into a pattern of meeting up only once a week, for about 3 hours. and i just can't cope with it. we don't text anymore (long story involving him not having access to a phone all the time) and we only meet up once a week. that itself is horrible, i do stuff too, but obviously i'm nowhere NEAR as busy as he is, so it does feel like i spend a lot of time sitting around at home thinking about missing him, whilst he basically goes out and doesn't bother thinking about me. but also now, if he has a spare day/afternoon he doesn't even tell me, he goes and does other stuff with other people, or does homework, and doesn't let me know.
it's clear that i am not his number 1 priority, and i know it's horrible and selfish of me, but what do i do?
i mentioned to him about it over facebook chat last night, but he just shrugged it off and said 'well, do more stuff, then you won't think about it too much'
in THEORY i am meant to see him on tuesday, but that might not work out...it ALWAYS seems like it's me who pushes to organise meeting up and stuff, but now i've run out of money he'd have to come here, and that might not happen...but do i mention my worries on tuesday, and risk ruining the 1 time i'll see him in the next fortnight (i have uni interviews the week after so won't see him), and potentially the whole relationship? or do i just deal with it? how?
AHHHHH.
Talk to him, not random strangers.
Yes, I think talk to him about it when you meet up, and mention that you tried to bring it up on facebook but felt like he wasn't taking it very seriously, whereas for you this is clearly a relationship-threatening issue.
Also, if his idea is for you to do an equal amount of stuff to keep you busy so that you don't think of him, it sounds like you two would NEVER meet up!
If he's open to it I suggest trying to make sure you schedule in time together, even over the phone/skype, or even just trying to come up with ways that he'd have access to a phone. If the idea of this really puts him off then maybe it's time for a re-think
Also, if his idea is for you to do an equal amount of stuff to keep you busy so that you don't think of him, it sounds like you two would NEVER meet up!
If he's open to it I suggest trying to make sure you schedule in time together, even over the phone/skype, or even just trying to come up with ways that he'd have access to a phone. If the idea of this really puts him off then maybe it's time for a re-think
Original post by Anonymous
ok, so i've been with my current boyfriend for just under 2 months, i knew him for just under a month before that (met through mutual aquaintances at a party).
so at first, it was LOVELY. he was everything my (not very good) ex boyfriend wasn't, he was really nice to me, when we went out he paid (novel for me, trust me), and he cleared time for me.
the last bit has now become a problem. he pointed out at the start that he had a very busy life, he is involved in politics, is in several bands, goes to gigs all the time, teaches piano, volunteers at the local pool, as well as school work. we don't go to the same school, he lives about 15 miles away but there are bus/train links between where we live which you can get for under £5. but initially, this didn't seem a big deal, because spare days/afternoons he had he'd let me know,and we'd meet up, and it would be lovely.
but now things have changed. we have got into a pattern of meeting up only once a week, for about 3 hours. and i just can't cope with it. we don't text anymore (long story involving him not having access to a phone all the time) and we only meet up once a week. that itself is horrible, i do stuff too, but obviously i'm nowhere NEAR as busy as he is, so it does feel like i spend a lot of time sitting around at home thinking about missing him, whilst he basically goes out and doesn't bother thinking about me. but also now, if he has a spare day/afternoon he doesn't even tell me, he goes and does other stuff with other people, or does homework, and doesn't let me know.
it's clear that i am not his number 1 priority, and i know it's horrible and selfish of me, but what do i do?
i mentioned to him about it over facebook chat last night, but he just shrugged it off and said 'well, do more stuff, then you won't think about it too much'
in THEORY i am meant to see him on tuesday, but that might not work out...it ALWAYS seems like it's me who pushes to organise meeting up and stuff, but now i've run out of money he'd have to come here, and that might not happen...but do i mention my worries on tuesday, and risk ruining the 1 time i'll see him in the next fortnight (i have uni interviews the week after so won't see him), and potentially the whole relationship? or do i just deal with it? how?
AHHHHH.
so at first, it was LOVELY. he was everything my (not very good) ex boyfriend wasn't, he was really nice to me, when we went out he paid (novel for me, trust me), and he cleared time for me.
the last bit has now become a problem. he pointed out at the start that he had a very busy life, he is involved in politics, is in several bands, goes to gigs all the time, teaches piano, volunteers at the local pool, as well as school work. we don't go to the same school, he lives about 15 miles away but there are bus/train links between where we live which you can get for under £5. but initially, this didn't seem a big deal, because spare days/afternoons he had he'd let me know,and we'd meet up, and it would be lovely.
but now things have changed. we have got into a pattern of meeting up only once a week, for about 3 hours. and i just can't cope with it. we don't text anymore (long story involving him not having access to a phone all the time) and we only meet up once a week. that itself is horrible, i do stuff too, but obviously i'm nowhere NEAR as busy as he is, so it does feel like i spend a lot of time sitting around at home thinking about missing him, whilst he basically goes out and doesn't bother thinking about me. but also now, if he has a spare day/afternoon he doesn't even tell me, he goes and does other stuff with other people, or does homework, and doesn't let me know.
it's clear that i am not his number 1 priority, and i know it's horrible and selfish of me, but what do i do?
i mentioned to him about it over facebook chat last night, but he just shrugged it off and said 'well, do more stuff, then you won't think about it too much'
in THEORY i am meant to see him on tuesday, but that might not work out...it ALWAYS seems like it's me who pushes to organise meeting up and stuff, but now i've run out of money he'd have to come here, and that might not happen...but do i mention my worries on tuesday, and risk ruining the 1 time i'll see him in the next fortnight (i have uni interviews the week after so won't see him), and potentially the whole relationship? or do i just deal with it? how?
AHHHHH.
Why wont women listen to men when they speak?? He told you already what you have to do. If you stop caring and stop sitting around waiting for him, I am sure he's going to go back to make you his first priority. Either that or he'll break up with you.
Care to try??
Ok, well here are a few things to think about...
I'm guessing you're both 17 or so? And you say you've been seeing him for just under two months? Don't you think it would be a bit full-on if you were each others' first priority?
If he's got that busy a schedule, then it is natural that he is going to want to see his friends when he finds the time to, and his girlfriend too, but the fact remains that he wants and needs to see his friends. He should have time for both as well as his work and commitments, but that is a different matter.
It sounds to me like this guy is really wearing the trousers in your relationship. Ok, so he's busy, but even from just reading your post, I don't like the way he just texts you when he wants - this is all on his terms. It doesn't really sound like he is respecting or even considering your plans and commitments. Do you always say yes to whatever he suggests? Maybe you should play it a bit cool with him and then see if he comes running, or even better, talk to him about it.
I'm guessing you're both 17 or so? And you say you've been seeing him for just under two months? Don't you think it would be a bit full-on if you were each others' first priority?
If he's got that busy a schedule, then it is natural that he is going to want to see his friends when he finds the time to, and his girlfriend too, but the fact remains that he wants and needs to see his friends. He should have time for both as well as his work and commitments, but that is a different matter.
It sounds to me like this guy is really wearing the trousers in your relationship. Ok, so he's busy, but even from just reading your post, I don't like the way he just texts you when he wants - this is all on his terms. It doesn't really sound like he is respecting or even considering your plans and commitments. Do you always say yes to whatever he suggests? Maybe you should play it a bit cool with him and then see if he comes running, or even better, talk to him about it.
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