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Can I win my ex back?

Hi guys

Had a bit of a shock on Tuesday night when my boyfriend met up with me and said we can't be together anymore, after over 3 years. He says we've both changed and don't have anything in common (which is completely untrue) and he's broken my heart. He's starting uni next week and he doesn't want any contact with me anymore, which is going to be hard as we have the same friends. We were always one of those "forever" couples and I've loved him for 7 years. He's been my best friend for those 7 years and now I've lost both. He kept saying we'll both find other people that will make us happy but I REALLY don't want any other guy to even look at me, the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.

I havent been eating, or sleeping and have kept myself busy doing long days at work just so I don't get a second to think about anything. I've been feeling pretty suicidal if I'm honest. I've been wishing I'm pregnant or ill just so he has to talk to me.

I really want him back and I just wondered if there was any way we could be together again, and be as happy as we were for 7 blissful years. We planned so much together and now I feel like I don't have a future without him.

I promise I'm not trolling, I just really need some advice- we were both each other's first relationship so I've never been through this before.

Sorry it's such a long post :frown:

Reply 1

DiZZeeKiD

Sorry, but I think you need to accept the fact that it's over and move on with your life. I broke up with my ex after nearly 5 years together, we had the same friends etc etc, but sometimes it's just not meant to be and you can't make him feel something that he doesn't. It will get easier.

Reply 2

tinshed

I am sorry but if someone wants to be with you they will make it clear. but clearly he does not so you need ride it out and it will get better I promise. it happens to everyone. if he is a decent guy then he will give you closure if you ask him.

Reply 3

InnerTemple

Sorry. I had my first ever (proper) break up this year too.

As for winning him back: I would not recommend it. He has made his intentions clear and as much as you feel he has made a mistake, it would be unwise to attempt to make things as they once were.

It is time for you to begin the process of moving on. Everyone will approach this in their own way however:

1) Keeping busy is good. Work and friends are particularly useful.
2) Don't be afraid of thinking about the past. I was desperate to move on and tried to block out memories which really did not work.
3) Keep eating and make sure you try and get some rest.
4) Make new friends and talk to as many people as you can. I PM'd a few people on here and just talking things over was quite helpful.

After a while you may come to the conclusion that him not wanting to talk is a blessing - at least for the time being. Don't make the mistake(s) I made - don't pester him. Leave things be. When you are feeling better you then have the option of being friends or at least dropping a line and having some contact.

Remember that things will get better. I started having very weird dreams at one point but it all passes. Look to the future :smile:

Reply 4

Nepene

You can. Just keep talking to him like normal on the phone. Joke about things, make him laugh, make him happy. If you still have the skills to make him happy then he'll think about you a lot. That will poison him for other girls and massively increase your chances of retaining him. I've seen this several times in university. A guy or girl is completely obsessed with someone back home. In theory they're seeing other people but in practise they still love each other absolutely.

You have to be damn sexy, though.

Reply 5

SugarPuffs

It sounds like he's wanting to be single before he heads off to uni so he can go around and shag girls freely without worrying about you.

It's a very hard thing to get over, but you have to focus on moving on and getting over him. He broke up with you honourably and states why, so that should give you a bit of closure on your past and relationship with him.