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I don't want friend at university

Chances are if your friend is choosing the same uni purley to hang around with you she's in for a shock. She'll probably realise things don't work that way and although it sounds horrible if she isn't there to do some work i'd be surprised if she gets through her first year...

Reply 21

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

sorry to hear :frown:

Thanks. Returns :hugs:

We used to be friends but now we're not. I've lost 2 other friends because of her manipulativeness too. :mad:

Sometimes she acts like nothing has happened though as she doesn't get the subtlety of being ignored but I've tried to hold off from going on a rant and rage even though she's hurt me too much. Talking hasn't worked or ignoring so even though she doesn't listen to me it might blow up pretty soon. :frown:

Reply 22

Amon.

Just tell her you don't like her and don't like the idea of her picking the same uni as you. You only have a few more months at school together so it doesn't matter if she hates you.

Reply 23

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

sorry to hear :frown:

Well my friendship is REALLY screwed up, because my friend thinks that I am the OP because i am going to do Law too, and I'm exactly in the same situation. I can't convince her otherwise, even by pointing out that i am anonymous 2 not 1. Our relationship is further complicated but i won't hijack your thread.

Reply 24

El Scotto

15

Anonymous

I know it sounds quite selfish, but I don't wish for my friend to attend the same university as me. She intentionally chose the same universities as me in a bid to keep us together. At school this particular friend keeps me back from doing work because she just can't shut up - and she knows I am wanting to do Law and I need to work to achieve this.

I know I might seem like quite the bitch over this but I don't want her to go, because I know for a fact I will get nothing done, since she does nothing herself.

Has anyone any ideas on how I'm going to tell her I don't want her without sounding extremely harsh?

Sounds like excuses to me. You only get distracted if you let yourself be distracted. If you're mentally strong enough to tell your friend you dont want her to goto the same uni as you, you're mentally strong enough to tell her when you need some time to yourself to do your work.

Which of the two seems the easier option?

and you can change 'mentally strong' for 'bitch' if you like.

Reply 25

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Me too.

And to the OP, I know exactly how you feel. Except that now she's not my friend but she's still really possessive, a stalker of me and manipulative. :bawling:

Same, I have the possessive friend problem. Law requires a lot of networking and she won't leave going on about it.

Reply 26

Anonymous #1

OP

xXMessedUpXx

Chances are if your friend is choosing the same uni purley to hang around with you she's in for a shock. She'll probably realise things don't work that way and although it sounds horrible if she isn't there to do some work i'd be surprised if she gets through her first year...

Thats exactly what i've been trying to say, shes only going to university to muck about and to hang around with me and to go out and party. She's apparently choosing the "easiest" course which is "apparently pyschology" (Those are not my words I know how hard it is for pyschology)

Reply 27

Laika

1

What are you 'she's in for a shock' people on about? I never understood this over-dramatizing of University life, it would be perfectly easy to go to University with your existing friends and remain that way.

Reply 28

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

Same, I have the possessive friend problem. Law requires a lot of networking and she won't leave going on about it.

maybe we should talk about it together.

Reply 29

dogtanian

16

Laika

What are you 'she's in for a shock' people on about? I never understood this over-dramatizing of University life, it would be perfectly easy to go to University with your existing friends and remain that way.

I've drifted away from friends, and I did so very quickly. We're still mates, but we're just not as close.

None of us were that fussed, because we were prepared for it to happen, but if she's putting pressure on the OP and making her resent the friendship, she'll crash with a bump. If she's clingy, the OP is less likely to want to stay friends. If she's chilled, they'll probably stay mates as well as doing their own thing.

Course, being clingy is going to make any drifting apart worse for her.

I'm sorry, but anyone who goes into university deciding that they're going to live with their friend from college and they'll be best busds forever needs their priorities sorting. There's a lot more to do that's important. Like settling into a new life and making new friends. Yes make time for existing friends. But don't cling to them and rely on them, or expect them to do the same.

Reply 30

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Well my friendship is REALLY screwed up, because my friend thinks that I am the OP because i am going to do Law too, and I'm exactly in the same situation. I can't convince her otherwise, even by pointing out that i am anonymous 2 not 1. Our relationship is further complicated but i won't hijack your thread.

Has anyone got any ideas how I can prove that i am not the OP? This has all been worsened by the fact that there's been a lot of tension over the past couple of days anyway.

Reply 31

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Anonymous

Has anyone got any ideas how I can prove that i am not the OP? This has all been worsened by the fact that there's been a lot of tension over the past couple of days anyway.

Alright I'll not be anonymous anymore - I am the thread starter.

Reply 32

Laika

1

dogtanian

I'm sorry, but anyone who goes into university deciding that they're going to live with their friend from college and they'll be best busds forever needs their priorities sorting. There's a lot more to do that's important. Like settling into a new life and making new friends. Yes make time for existing friends. But don't cling to them and rely on them, or expect them to do the same.

I don't understand this attitude though. Fair enough if people want to do that it's a great oppurtunity but I don't get all the expectations people have. It's pretty dogmatic - 'you will drift away from your old friends, meet amazing new people and party every night..it's the student way'. Yes it's true for some people but I don't see what's so bad about wanting to remain close to your existing friends if you actually do value them as people. It's just weird as basically you'll just be trading in your old friends for new ones anyway so what's the difference? I mean I moved miles away from all my friends so I'm not in that position but I just don't understand why there's so much expectation to overhaul your life.

Reply 33

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

Has anyone got any ideas how I can prove that i am not the OP? This has all been worsened by the fact that there's been a lot of tension over the past couple of days anyway.

Yes, I have an idea. Write your post out as Anomynous 2 with a spelling mistake or something in it then write another post saying the correction but forget to put the anon feature on. Your friend will see that then you will think "oops! I forgot to post anon". then edit your post so it is anon then she will see that it is indeed you that is Anon 2.

Reply 34

Mad_Monkey59

2

Anonymous

I know it sounds quite selfish, but I don't wish for my friend to attend the same university as me. She intentionally chose the same universities as me in a bid to keep us together. At school this particular friend keeps me back from doing work because she just can't shut up - and she knows I am wanting to do Law and I need to work to achieve this.

I know I might seem like quite the bitch over this but I don't want her to go, because I know for a fact I will get nothing done, since she does nothing herself.

Has anyone any ideas on how I'm going to tell her I don't want her without sounding extremely harsh?

Well considering you have to be good at work to be able to get onto a law course, the chances are, if your fears are well founded, that she won't achieve good enough qualifications to get onto any law course, let alone the one you are applying for.

Reply 35

~Kirsty~

1

well one of my friends had this problem with someone else, and she lied to her friend when accepting choice, said she ahd accepted offers from somewhere else when she hadn't really, in a bid to get the friend to put something else down as their first choice. When it gets to results day, you can say you changed your mind and asked the uni you want to go to to see if there were places at clearing, and you got in that way.

Reply 36

dogtanian

16

I'm not saying it's the student way and that you WILL drift apart from friends.

But the OP's friend is causing strain on the friendship by being so clingy. If you're chilled out about it, you'll probably stay friends. But the OP will resent the friendship if she carries on in such a clingy way. So I reckon that they're far more likely to drift apart.

Of course it isn't a certainty that you'll never see your friends again, far from it. but this situation can only make it more likely. Like I said, I was put in a similar position. We ended up drifting apart even before the getting to uni stage. Her behaviour beforehand was the main factor, in my eyes. Maybe I was being self centred in thinking she was copying me. But either way, whether it was my paranoia/big headedness, or her decision to copy my every academic move, we aren't very good friends any more.

Reply 37

Anonymous #2

~*~ Tammy

Alright I'll not be anonymous anymore - I am the thread starter.

Thank you, I hope she sees sense now!

Reply 38

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Mad_Monkey59

Well considering you have to be good at work to be able to get onto a law course, the chances are, if your fears are well founded, that she won't achieve good enough qualifications to get onto any law course, let alone the one you are applying for.

shes doing a pyschology course instead not law - to her law is a "stupid course" and she sees no sense in it whatsoever.

Reply 39

edd_85

Don't think you really need to worry. I go to the same uni as one of my friends, i was a little concerned at first, sometimes its nice to have a clean break, but its never been a problem, to be honest its a bonus to have a friend from before around sometimes. Uni really is a big place, i lived 50yards from my mate but if i wanted to i could avoid him quite easily. One of my housemates's best friends lived 50 yards away, yet she hardly saw her, not intentionally, just everyone makes their own friends and does their stuff. Even if u go to uni wanting to hang out loads it probably wont happen, and if u want a bit of space it wont be very hard to find it, may as well say nothing and stay friends imo.

I don't want friend at university

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