20, good looking, male, never had a girlfriend, at uni and nothing has changed

I'm 20 years old and without meaning to come across as arrogant or cocky I think in terms of physical appearance I am attractive (6'1, muscly but skinny, stylish, blue eyes, nice skin/hair) and in terms of personality I am confident, open-minded, genuine, easy to talk to, have plenty of hobbies such as sports, a strong passion in hip hop and music and i love travelling too.

I get plenty of attention if I were to go out clubbing but I am against the idea of one night stands (i've had them in the past but after a long period of celibacy and a lot of meditation I realised the concept of it that a girl can just take off her clothes to a random guy is vile).

However as much as I've tried to find a girlfriend (without coming across as too keen to her) I've never had one even still.

I am on a sport course and play rugby so I'm mainly around guys all the time. I live with 11 people - Massive house - 2 are girls so the only time I really get to meet other girls is when they invite female friends over for nights out. I chat to them but my guy housemates are 'lads' and just try and pull them which most of the time I do which pisses me off because I can never have a chat with them because the girls are looking to pull too. I used to pull them and stuff but I'm against it now so I wouldn't and they would care more about my housemates that flirt with them and get with them in clubs. It also sucks that my housemates are VERY attractive (one literally gets attention from every girl you see out, another is a hollister model, another is literally the guy that will chat to every girl in sight, one is obsessed with the gym so has the perfect body and spends a lot of time on his looks).

What can I do? I see my housemates as a threat when there are new girls over. And it seems that at uni every girl gets 10x more attention from guys as they know the 'sex culture'.

Youre arrogant

The idea that a girl can take her clothes off for any guy is vile... But not vice versa?

Maybe it's the vaguely mysoginistic and superior attitude turning girls off.

If I misunderstood your sentiment- then well, relax, the right girl will come along.

Reply 3

dylantombides

OP

19

Original post by Uw0tm8_

Youre arrogant

You cannot say that purely off a threat without knowing a person

Reply 4

AB25

10

Original post by dylantombides

I'm 20 years old and without meaning to come across as arrogant or cocky I think in terms of physical appearance I am attractive (6'1, muscly but skinny, stylish, blue eyes, nice skin/hair) and in terms of personality I am confident, open-minded, genuine, easy to talk to, have plenty of hobbies such as sports, a strong passion in hip hop and music and i love travelling too.

I get plenty of attention if I were to go out clubbing but I am against the idea of one night stands (i've had them in the past but after a long period of celibacy and a lot of meditation I realised the concept of it that a girl can just take off her clothes to a random guy is vile).

However as much as I've tried to find a girlfriend (without coming across as too keen to her) I've never had one even still.

I am on a sport course and play rugby so I'm mainly around guys all the time. I live with 11 people - Massive house - 2 are girls so the only time I really get to meet other girls is when they invite female friends over for nights out. I chat to them but my guy housemates are 'lads' and just try and pull them which most of the time I do which pisses me off because I can never have a chat with them because the girls are looking to pull too. I used to pull them and stuff but I'm against it now so I wouldn't and they would care more about my housemates that flirt with them and get with them in clubs. It also sucks that my housemates are VERY attractive (one literally gets attention from every girl you see out, another is a hollister model, another is literally the guy that will chat to every girl in sight, one is obsessed with the gym so has the perfect body and spends a lot of time on his looks).

What can I do? I see my housemates as a threat when there are new girls over. And it seems that at uni every girl gets 10x more attention from guys as they know the 'sex culture'.

You think the concept of a woman having a one night stand is "vile" yet you've had one night stands yourself. What about the concept of a man taking his clothes off for a randomer? Is that still "vile", as you so eloquently put it? Why can't anyone, regardless of their gender, just sleep with who they please, one night stand or otherwise?

Reply 5

Uw0tm8_

11

Original post by dylantombides

You cannot say that purely off a threat without knowing a person

How else do you expect people on this site to help you? I doubt every single user knows you

Reply 6

dylantombides

OP

19

Original post by AB25

You think the concept of a woman having a one night stand is "vile" yet you've had one night stands yourself. What about the concept of a man taking his clothes off for a randomer? Is that still "vile", as you so eloquently put it? Why can't anyone, regardless of their gender, just sleep with who they please, one night stand or otherwise?

I USED to have one night stands, then I went through a period where I've really changed a lot in life. Since then I've avoided them and would never go back with a girl I truly didn't have strong feelings for. Yes that is vile for a man to do it too. They can if they would like; there's nothing stopping them and they have full rights to do as they please, but I personally see it as completely morally wrong.

Reply 7

dylantombides

OP

19

Original post by Uw0tm8_

How else do you expect people on this site to help you? I doubt every single user knows you

By providing detail in my post? Obviously it is not as ideal as people that have known me in person for a long time but it is as close as I can get for useful/valid advice

Reply 8

Kaiju

16

if you're above average and consistently failing to get a gf i'd argue that the problem is likely with your mentality
this would be backed up by your insecurity about other guys "stealing" girls from you

protip:
stop going for girls who're won over easily by looks
if they're the type who actually enjoy talking to people and these guys are as intent on pulling as you say they are, eventually one'll see through it and turn them down
would you really want one of the type of girls they're getting w/ in clubs anyway?

Reply 9

Black Cat

20

You're not looking at the right places stop trying it with your housemates friends, go to places like starbucks, networking events, lectures and seminars, library etc. Those are the places where you can strike up a normal convos with people and perhaps get to know them and make something out of it.

Reply 10

dylantombides

OP

19

Original post by Kaiju

if you're above average and consistently failing to get a gf i'd argue that the problem is likely with your mentality
this would be backed up by your insecurity about other guys "stealing" girls from you

protip:
stop going for girls who're won over easily by looks
if they're the type who actually enjoy talking to people and these guys are as intent on pulling as you say they are, eventually one'll see through it and turn them down
would you really want one of the type of girls they're getting w/ in clubs anyway?

Well my housemates are probably better looking. And I don't know how many girls at uni are looking for a boyfriend. Plus I'm very picky. It's more the fact that if a girl enters the room, they'll instantly run over to her to chat (which i think is a bit needy). And if I ever go over to chat my housemates rush over to join in the conversation and 'fight for words' against me. I then think it's stupid and walk off competing like that.

- So many girls base so much of it on looks. Think that's just how it is in the modern day
- At Uni, pretty much every attractive girl along the line has got with guys in clubs at some point. I think it goes back to my original point where I said I hate the concept of one night stands. So to find a girl that is attractive, would not do one night stands, is single and is interested back at me is quite challenging especially when there are so many other guys that'll be interested too

Reply 11

dylantombides

OP

19

Original post by Black Cat

You're not looking at the right places stop trying it with your housemates friends, go to places like starbucks, networking events, lectures and seminars, library etc. Those are the places where you can strike up a normal convos with people and perhaps get to know them and make something out of it.

Lectures and seminars are pretty much all guys. I can't see how I'd start a conversation off with a stranger in the library! Plus I'd want to do work and I take it they will too. I hate hot drinks so starbucks is out of the question.

Reply 12

e aí rapaz

16

I don't really understand how you can only meet people in your house. I was on a male sports team, and I knew all the netball/volleyball/hockey girls through sports nights, parties, around campus. These were mostly chances to socialise in groups but it was very easy to make a chance to socialise alone if I wanted to with someone. You also meet girls through your course, through any other hobbies or activities you take part in, etc etc.

"attractive"

Original post by dylantombides

I then think it's stupid and walk off competing like that.

- So many girls base so much of it on looks. Think that's just how it is in the modern day
- At Uni, pretty much every attractive girl along the line has got with guys in clubs at some point. I think it goes back to my original point where I said I hate the concept of one night stands. So to find a girl that is attractive, would not do one night stands, is single and is interested back at me is quite challenging especially when there are so many other guys that'll be interested too

This is my point - if the girls aren't seeing through this, they're probably not worth the time.
Maybe I'm just ridiculously picky too but then I'm also not complaining about it. I'm completely fine to sit around as an individual and if someone happens to stumble in that fits the bill, great.

Yeah, they do - but again, are these the type of girls you'd want to have a LTrelationship with? I wouldn't.
If a girl is commenting on my looks a lot or seems overly shallow they jump right onto the "casual" list.
We're in the same boat in that I generally don't see the point in one night stands, but if I -was- to go for it that's all they'd be looking at. I don't think it's healthy to want a relationship with people who probably aren't the right ones to make it work.

Yeah, that's true. The majority of people at Uni will go through at least one phase of it but that doesn't necessarily translate into people being serial ONS'ers. A key thing to note is that some people are into ONS -until- they meet someone and immediately afterwards become ONS-averse. It's hard and especially in the Uni club environment you're looking for a minority but those people do exist.

Relax, brah. Stop trying to get a girlfriend, work on becoming a complete individual (a desire for anything not immediately accessible is a recipe for insecurities) and you'll probably end up with more female attention than you can shake a stick at.

Reply 15

louieee

18

you place too much emphasis on looks. Mentioned in your title, first paragraph was near 100% about it, and then the only thing you talk about about your mates is there looks to. There are more important things to focus on here.