Have crush on flatmate, should I tell her?

So I am in my first year at university and as per the norm I live in a flat with 4 other first years (3 girls and 1 boy). One of the girls in particular I get along with really well and always have a good time with. There haven't been many signs saying she likes me back, tbh I doubt she likes me any more then a friend. But anyway I fancy the pants off of her, and really am considering telling her. I mean part of me wants to hope that she might give me a chance and it will be ok, but another part of me knows dating a flatmate could end horribly considering how close we live with each other. Also If I do tell her and she turns me down I don't want things to be awkward (I've had that before with another crush in college, and I do not want it again because it's still awkward). I just don't know what to do about it. I spend most days thinking about her, especially at night at this sort of time(2am onwards). I'm constantly checking social media to see if there's any chance I can interact with her (I.e. Reply to a tweet or snapchat etc.). Ahhhh I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated :smile:

sorry for the long post .

Reply 1

Ndella

18

I'm in the same situation as you and I'm considering telling him once I come back, so I completely understand. Perhaps give subtle hints that you like her instead of outright saying it and see how she reacts. If it isn't positive, you'll have to let it go.

Reply 2

Messiah Complex

3

Why not? Everyone says don't mess around or get involved with flatmates but it didn't bother me in my first year of university. I slept with two flatmates in first year halls and there was no issues whatsoever.

Reply 3

themoldypeaches

5

I don't think you should tell her if you have not had any signs that she likes you. If she didn't live with you, it would be different. Things will probably be too uncomfortable for you both after you have said it. That said, you should develop your friendship, maybe once she knows more about you and spends more time with you she will begin to fall for you? It is just a possibility, after becoming closer she might just see you as a friend and your desire might turn platonic too. You don't know unless you give it a go.

Reply 4

Temporality

17

Tempting as it is, don't check social media for her or pine after her so much. Don't give off the air that you worship her - if you pine after her too much she will probably soon be able to pick up desperate vibes, and i dont mean that in a mean way - it is easy for all of us to appear desperate when we like someone. Anyway, you don't want to appear too available or too keen, that will be a turn off. Instead focus on being intriguing, and being self confident around her. Don't give all your life details away at once. If you want the girl you have to play it cool and mysterious. And I don't mean you have to go all James Bond on her, just focus on things you are passionate about and when the situation arises which it will, show you are an interesting and smart individual. Carry yourself with confidence and independence. These things are more likely to make her interested in you than pining or running after her. That's what life experience has taught me anywau

Reply 5

XMaramena

22

Don't **** where you eat.

Either she'll take you up on it but the relationship probably won't last, or she'll knock you down straight away.

Either way, it won't be long until you're stuck in an awkward house.

Reply 6

Dilzo999

19

Original post by XMaramena

Don't **** where you eat.

Either she'll take you up on it but the relationship probably won't last, or she'll knock you down straight away.

Either way, it won't be long until you're stuck in an awkward house.

I've seen this happen and people just forget about it a week later.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

10,000 hours

Never miss out on a chance to do what you really want to do, buddy. Believe me, it's the things we haven't done that we do regret and not those we did. Having said that, dating your flatmate wouldn't be a good idea at all for the reasons you mentioned above. :smile:

My advice would be to try to get close to her, so that hopefully by the end of next year, you should be able to ask her out.

Reply 8

taylorg292

8

Original post by Anonymous

So I am in my first year at university and as per the norm I live in a flat with 4 other first years (3 girls and 1 boy). One of the girls in particular I get along with really well and always have a good time with. There haven't been many signs saying she likes me back, tbh I doubt she likes me any more then a friend. But anyway I fancy the pants off of her, and really am considering telling her. I mean part of me wants to hope that she might give me a chance and it will be ok, but another part of me knows dating a flatmate could end horribly considering how close we live with each other. Also If I do tell her and she turns me down I don't want things to be awkward (I've had that before with another crush in college, and I do not want it again because it's still awkward). I just don't know what to do about it. I spend most days thinking about her, especially at night at this sort of time(2am onwards). I'm constantly checking social media to see if there's any chance I can interact with her (I.e. Reply to a tweet or snapchat etc.). Ahhhh I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated :smile:

sorry for the long post .

From experience - don't! Either way if she ends up reciprocating your feelings or not it will end up as an awkward situation. I'm guessing you've only known each other for 3 months, and living together as well can make relationships super intense and make you fancy each other. I was seeing a guy in my flat for 2 weeks and we were really good friends before, once it ended it became super awkward and we have never been friends since. Wait until the end of first year and if you still really like her (and you aren't living together in 2nd year), broach the subject.

Reply 9

zKlown

19

Original post by Anonymous

So I am in my first year at university and as per the norm I live in a flat with 4 other first years (3 girls and 1 boy). One of the girls in particular I get along with really well and always have a good time with. There haven't been many signs saying she likes me back, tbh I doubt she likes me any more then a friend. But anyway I fancy the pants off of her, and really am considering telling her. I mean part of me wants to hope that she might give me a chance and it will be ok, but another part of me knows dating a flatmate could end horribly considering how close we live with each other. Also If I do tell her and she turns me down I don't want things to be awkward (I've had that before with another crush in college, and I do not want it again because it's still awkward). I just don't know what to do about it. I spend most days thinking about her, especially at night at this sort of time(2am onwards). I'm constantly checking social media to see if there's any chance I can interact with her (I.e. Reply to a tweet or snapchat etc.). Ahhhh I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated :smile:

sorry for the long post .

Come on OP, you know the rules round here, where the piks at?

Nah but seriously, you should ask her. Live life with no regrets.

Wish I could take my own advice like lol

Reply 10

Zarek

21

Sadly, and counter intuitively, living with girls is bad news. There is always one you fancy the pants off and either they aren't interested, or they are and it ends badly - probably in both instances you have to contend with the jealousy of them bringing a bf back to your living place. Far more laddish fun to be had by sharing with guys in your 2nd year. Anyway, in answer to your question, I would test the water with more flirting etc. and only go for it if there is some encouragement. Otherwise best to (frustratingly) just remain friends. Good luck, by the way.

Reply 11

Le Nombre

16

Original post by Anonymous

I just don't know what to do about it. I spend most days thinking about her, especially at night at this sort of time(2am onwards). I'm constantly checking social media to see if there's any chance I can interact with her (I.e. Reply to a tweet or snapchat etc.). Ahhhh I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated :smile:

sorry for the long post .

Mate you are coming over massively, massively desperate. Unless you look like Ryan Gosling with the wit of Groucho Marx she will not be wet for you.

Just act normally around her, maybe occasionally blow her off for no reason, and you might get somewhere.

Reply 12

MagicNMedicine

20

Original post by Anonymous

I spend most days thinking about her, especially at night at this sort of time(2am onwards). I'm constantly checking social media to see if there's any chance I can interact with her (I.e. Reply to a tweet or snapchat etc.). Ahhhh I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated :smile:

Advice....don't do this for starters, if you are constantly looking for ways to interact with her on social media she will quickly find you irritating and start to think you are a bit of a loser.

I understand why people give the standard response "just do it have no regrets" but I agree with themoldypeaches here, if she hasn't given you any signs that she is interested in you then you are better not to say anything. As you are living together the costs of rejection are higher than they would be if you weren't, it will make things awkward for both of you and you will be left with that rejection through the year. It would still be worth asking the question if you felt that she was giving you some realistic signs, but if she isn't, then leave it.

You can be friendly and slightly flirty with her and see how she reacts, there are ways to test the water of someone's interest without outright telling them.

I sense from your original post that the situation here is that you fancy her, she doesn't fancy you and this has happened to you before (eg with the crush in college), you come over as a bit needy and weak and probably just need to focus on improving yourself for a while and making yourself a more confident, secure and attractive personality and then you will have a better platform from which to get interest from girls.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

I think you're coming off a bit keen, and this could be off putting for her. But to be honest I'd make sure she definitely liked you before trying anything because as you said if she rejects you it's just awkward. I'm a first year too and I kissed my flatmate and ended up in bed with him, luckily we're really good friends so there's no awkwardness and we just laugh about it now. But that's really rare.

Plus you could make things very awkward for the rest of the people you live with. What if you do go out and they feel uncomfortable, or you have a fight and they witness it. It's not really worth it is it?

Reply 14

Mworswick

4

You don't know how lucky you are to even have an option! Try being gay and fancying someone, with the knowledge that there is 0 chance they will like you back

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

OK so from the various responses I'm gonna try and appear less needy, maybe talk to her less and even blow her off maybe. I'm also gonna try and be more flirty (any ideas? I'm not exactly the master of romance). Depending on how things develop I'll decide weather to tell her or not.It's not that there haven't been any signs at all,there have, but they're very rare. Like when she's drunk she gets REALLY REALLY touchy. One night we fell asleep in the same bed, but to my knowledge nothing else happened.
Anyways thanks for the responses, I think it helps more just to talk to people about it as well.
Cheers :smile:

Reply 16

bittr n swt

3

Original post by XMaramena

Don't **** where you eat.

Either she'll take you up on it but the relationship probably won't last, or she'll knock you down straight away.

Either way, it won't be long until you're stuck in an awkward house.

Exactly. Plenty of girls about don't do anything you'll regret

Many people get real touchy when drunk not a big deal

Have crush on flatmate, should I tell her?

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