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    A few basic facts. I'm a girl. Mid-twenties. Working in a very sociable job in the entertainment business. Involving a lot of actors.

    I started a job back in the summer of last year and in my first couple of weeks there, I had to work with one colleague quite often (let's call her Tasha) and thus she became my first 'work friend' at this job. I was new at work and just wanted to form bonds with people. She happened to be someone I was working with regularly and she seemed nice and we had a few laughs at work... So we became friends.

    As the weeks passed, I got to know other colleagues and spend time with other people at work and suddenly made several other friends there. Slowly, I started to spend more and more time with the other friends and although I still had time for the first friend (Tasha), I found myself enjoying hanging out (either at work or outside work) a lot more with the other friends instead of with Tasha. I even felt myself enjoying myself more if I was hanging out with a group of friends and Tasha wasn't even there!

    The problem is... Tasha is quiet. She's opened up to me about this and tells me she finds it annoying when people make jokes about her being quiet etc. I've never done it myself and try and 'defend' her when people joke about it. I feel bad for her. She's just naturally quiet but she's really nice. I'm the opposite of quiet, though. I talk a LOT, am pretty weird, always up for doing crazy things etc... And so most of my friends before starting this job have been people similar to me in that sense - extroverted people? Loud people? Friendly people? People who love being around people basically and have their own opinions about things etc. I've never been friends with someone so quiet before. And I'm finding it difficult.

    At first, I didn't know how quiet she was. She seemed friendly and I enjoyed getting to know her. But now, I literally never know what to talk to her about... It sounds bad, but she bores me. Every time I see her, she asks the same questions... "what are you doing tomorrow?" or just talks about boring work stuff (even when I hang out with her outside work). The friendship isn't going anywhere and I don't feel excited when I spend time with her. And I feel bad about it. She's meant to be one of my 'best workmates' or at least she thinks she is (I'm defo hers), but I sometimes actively walk around work trying to avoid her, other times subconsciously find myself spending most of my time chatting to every single colleague there except her.

    So here's the problem. I feel bad about this. But I also feel bad for myself too. Which is probably very selfish of me. This girl (Tasha) was my first friend at work and has been nothing but nice to me. I'll always appreciate her helping me in my first few weeks.

    But the truth is, I just find her boring/annoying now. I sometimes feel like she just wants me around as an 'entertainer'... Cuz it's always me doing all the talking/jokes/making her laugh... never the other way around. She literally never says anything that makes me laugh... I know that's not the only basis of friendship but I've never experienced a friendship like this. And I'm finding it difficult.

    I've overheard some of my colleagues saying she's "weird" or that they can't trust her because she's so quiet... It makes me sad. But then, I can't blame my colleagues either.

    I can't say Tasha doesn't make an effort... I guess she's just naturally quiet (I often have to ask her to repeat things cuz her voice alone is very soft and almost princess like and I can't hear her properly sometimes!). And she can't change it.

    I have to decline a lot of her casual invitations every day (things like asking me to go for lunch with her, hanging out after work etc) because I simply never feel like going. On occasion, I do still 'hang out' with her but it's always 'effort' for me and I end up spending most of my time on my phone anyway. It's never really 'fun'.

    I can pretty much joke with every single one of my colleagues and know a lot of fun/interesting things about them. When writing Christmas cards last month, I realised how 'boring' and 'standard' my card to Tasha was compared to all my other workmates. With everyone else, I had an 'in joke' or something 'personalised' or funny I could put in their cards... Fun memories at work or whatever. With her, I couldn't think of ANYTHING, but a standard "Merry Christmas" etc. I know this is probably a stupid thing to even mention, but I like making personal connections with people and writing Christmas cards made me realise how much of a 'lack of true connection' there is between me and Tasha.

    Now if you've managed to read this far... I guess I'd like some advice on how to handle this. Maybe even similar experiences? Sorry if this bored you. I just needed to share this as it's been bothering me at work for a while now!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At first, I didn't know how quiet she was. She seemed friendly and I enjoyed getting to know her. But now, I literally never know what to talk to her about... It sounds bad, but she bores me. Every time I see her, she asks the same questions... "what are you doing tomorrow?" or just talks about boring work stuff (even when I hang out with her outside work). The friendship isn't going anywhere and I don't feel excited when I spend time with her.
    Some of my friends would ask me the same question and I find it nice, and I appreciate the fact that they even took the effort to ask!

    You've formulated a friendship inside an office environment; what do you expect? Asking you about nursery?

    But the truth is, I just find her boring/annoying now. I sometimes feel like she just wants me around as an 'entertainer'... Cuz it's always me doing all the talking/jokes/making her laugh... never the other way around. She literally never says anything that makes me laugh... I know that's not the only basis of friendship but I've never experienced a friendship like this. And I'm finding it difficult.
    She doesn't make you laugh but at least she keeps you company; I'm not entirely sure your demands in a friendship is reasonable really

    I've overheard some of my colleagues saying she's "weird" or that they can't trust her because she's so quiet... It makes me sad. But then, I can't blame my colleagues either.
    Office politics ...
    I think it's them who can't be trusted. I'm sure Tasha has never said anything bad about them isn't it?

    realise how much of a 'lack of true connection' there is between me and Tasha.

    Now if you've managed to read this far... I guess I'd like some advice on how to handle this. Maybe even similar experiences? Sorry if this bored you. I just needed to share this as it's been bothering me at work for a while now!
    If you can make her laugh then I'm sure there's a topic there somewhere that you could talk about. Expand them; perhaps it could help with your conversation with her.
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    Thank you for the response. I must stress that this isn't an office based job... It's a very sociable/customer service based job. Most of my colleagues are performers - which could be why 'Tasha' stands out so much. Because they're all very extroverted 'out there' people and she's not (even though she IS a performer too).

    You're absolutely right. She's definitely never said or done anything for them to not trust her. Maybe her quietness just makes people feel uncomfortable.

    You make good points about just her company being nice. It is definitely nice, but only for short times as then it gets awkward when neither of us has anything to say.

    I meant the questions are repetitive. Of course it's nice to be asked that every now and again, but when the conversations ONLY ever revolve around 'what are you doing tomorrow' - particularly when the answer is more often than not: 'coming to work' is a bit annoying.
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    Just because she was the first friend you made there, it doesn't mean you're obligated to remain her good friend. Some people don't gel together as well as others. You've met other people and you've moved on. Stop worrying about it. Speak to her when she starts the conversation and don't **** her off with your other colleagues and just leave it at that.
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    You work with actors?
    Screw all of this.

    Do you know Daniel Radcliffe? :eek:
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    (Original post by Veggiechic6)
    Just because she was the first friend you made there, it doesn't mean you're obligated to remain her good friend. Some people don't gel together as well as others. You've met other people and you've moved on. Stop worrying about it. Speak to her when she starts the conversation and don't **** her off with your other colleagues and just leave it at that.
    Pretty much this.

    I'm not sure what else you can be expected to do.
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    (Original post by Veggiechic6)
    Just because she was the first friend you made there, it doesn't mean you're obligated to remain her good friend. Some people don't gel together as well as others. You've met other people and you've moved on. Stop worrying about it. Speak to her when she starts the conversation and don't **** her off with your other colleagues and just leave it at that.
    Exactly.

    OP, it's a bit like your school days. The friends you started school with are likely to be different to the ones you finished school with.

    Not everybody gets a long with the first person they meet, and thats okay.
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    I guess you have been very lucky so far and have been able to go through life giggling and laughing.

    As time goes on, sometimes perhaps inevitably, bad things happen in life and this is when you evaluate people on a different level than just whether they are entertaining.

    Think, could you rely on her to help you if you were in trouble? Would she listen carefully to what you had to say? Would she drop everything and go round to your house if you'd had an accident?

    What about your other 'friends'? Are they just up for a good time? Would they just forget about you if you were ill? What about if someone close to you died? Would they be embarrassed and not know what to say or do?

    When we are young ( and inexperienced) we tend not to know how to rate people, except in a very superficial way. Whether they are up for a laugh. As long term friends this is not going to be enough. You need people who have more to them than that.
 
 
 
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