Parents favour brother over sister and me...

I don't know if it's because he's their only son, the youngest or whatever, but he gets preferential treatment all the time. For example, they sent him to private school (10k a year), prepare special meals for him when he comes home from uni (whereas my sister and I never do) etc. It's not that I think state schools are bad either, rather the fact my parents think they're not good enough for him but are for us. As if to say he's worth the expense but we're not. My brother and sister no longer speak (I think friction from this has something to do with it).
Anyone else have parents like this and how do you deal with it?

Reply 1

Kittiara

16

I know that my younger sister is my parents' favourite. It's very clear. It's something I have learned to live with, and I don't hold it against my sister, as it's not her fault.

If it becomes problematic, though, and hinders your own chances in life, do talk with your parents. Ask them about the private school. Ask them if they'll perhaps prepare a special meal for you and your sister. Also talk with your brother. How does he feel about it? He may not like the preferential treatment, either...

Reply 2

gr8wizard10

21

The youngest always comes first. You should be happy for your brother, not ungrateful.

Reply 3

AnharM

21

Original post by Anonymous

I don't know if it's because he's their only son, the youngest or whatever, but he gets preferential treatment all the time. For example, they sent him to private school (10k a year), prepare special meals for him when he comes home from uni (whereas my sister and I never do) etc. It's not that I think state schools are bad either, rather the fact my parents think they're not good enough for him but are for us. As if to say he's worth the expense but we're not. My brother and sister no longer speak (I think friction from this has something to do with it).
Anyone else have parents like this and how do you deal with it?

I'm the youngest, and the only son my mother has, and yeah, I admit she does give me preferential treatment, but that's also partly because of cultural reasons. She didn't send me to private school or anything, my two older sister and I all went to state schools, but my mum does do a lot of things for me such as making meals for me (even as simple as putting rice and curry on the plate), whereas she would go off on one if my sisters asked her to do it. She also wouldn't allow my sisters to go outside of London for university, but she allowed me to go. I think she knows I can take care of myself, but she doesn't think my two older sisters know a lot about the real world. Just a few months ago, my sister got really mugged off on the market for fixing her phone's screen, but if I was there with her, the guy would never have tried mugging her off because they would know I'm with her.

Btw, my sister and I are very close, and we don't let little things like this cause problems. She knows our culture is very patriarchal as well, so she accepts it. Maybe you should talk to your brother and have a chat with him about it, and see if he knows that he gets special treatment from your parents. You don't need to have tension between you guys, look at Ross and Monica in Friends! His parents loved him, but they couldn't give a toss about Monica, and Ross acknowledged that.

Reply 4

Calpurnia

13

Unfortunately, I have a feeling I'm probably the favourite of my siblings - I certainly get preferential treatment by way of different expectations, although in terms of quantifiable treatments, my parents are careful to see that we're equals.

I think the same rules apply here as with any relationship that sees you competing with someone else though. It's often best to just do your own thing and try to make your own way, regardless of their opinions. Ultimately, it doesn't matter a jot if they prefer your brother over you, you're still the same person. If anything, your brother will come to use their support as a crutch and this is definitely not going to work in his favour at some point in the future. Whilst you get the chance to be a wonderful, independent person!

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Kittiara

I know that my younger sister is my parents' favourite. It's very clear. It's something I have learned to live with, and I don't hold it against my sister, as it's not her fault.

If it becomes problematic, though, and hinders your own chances in life, do talk with your parents. Ask them about the private school. Ask them if they'll perhaps prepare a special meal for you and your sister. Also talk with your brother. How does he feel about it? He may not like the preferential treatment, either...

I try to not let it get between us, but it can be difficult when he seems to somewhat enjoy being pandered to so much. I'll definitely ask about the private school though, and the food thing.
Thanks for the reply.

Reply 6

Josb

6

Original post by Anonymous

X

Are you Asian?

Reply 7

username360639

14

Being the youngest, I'm mum's favourite and my sister's my dad's. Sucks for my brother who's the middle child, they're pretty non-existent :eek:

. Are you the middle child, also?

I think you should confront your parents, it's not exactly your brother's fault he's getting this treatment. Is he grateful for what your parents have given him, or does he also act like a spoilt little ****?
My parents own a shop, and my sister never had to work there, but my brother and I did. That's how life is really.

Reply 8

Veggiechic6

14

Original post by Anonymous

I don't know if it's because he's their only son, the youngest or whatever, but he gets preferential treatment all the time. For example, they sent him to private school (10k a year), prepare special meals for him when he comes home from uni (whereas my sister and I never do) etc. It's not that I think state schools are bad either, rather the fact my parents think they're not good enough for him but are for us. As if to say he's worth the expense but we're not. My brother and sister no longer speak (I think friction from this has something to do with it).
Anyone else have parents like this and how do you deal with it?

Had your brother achieved much more academically than you and your sister before the decision about private school was made? Your parents may be playing the odds. It would be very strange to send one child to a private and the others to state if there wasn't a good reason. It seems even more strange that you don't seem to have confronted your parents as soon as you found out about this. Most people would naturally question it with the people involved.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Josb

Are you Asian?

Middle-eastern, which is culturally similar I guess...

Reply 10

MutlohJ

1

Original post by Anonymous

I don't know if it's because he's their only son, the youngest or whatever, but he gets preferential treatment all the time. For example, they sent him to private school (10k a year), prepare special meals for him when he comes home from uni (whereas my sister and I never do) etc. It's not that I think state schools are bad either, rather the fact my parents think they're not good enough for him but are for us. As if to say he's worth the expense but we're not. My brother and sister no longer speak (I think friction from this has something to do with it).
Anyone else have parents like this and how do you deal with it?

He's male, of course he's going to be their favourite.

Reply 11

Josb

6

Original post by Anonymous

Middle-eastern, which is culturally similar I guess...

This explains everything. They favour your brother because he's a boy.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Veggiechic6

Had your brother achieved much more academically than you and your sister before the decision about private school was made? Your parents may be playing the odds. It would be very strange to send one child to a private and the others to state if there wasn't a good reason. It seems even more strange that you don't seem to have confronted your parents as soon as you found out about this. Most people would naturally question it with the people involved.

All three of us got v. similar grades at gcse. My parents want to believe that he's the 'genius' though.

Reply 13

Veggiechic6

14

Original post by Anonymous

All three of us got v. similar grades at gcse. My parents want to believe that he's the 'genius' though.

have you confronted your parents and pointed this out to them? If you all have similar grades and similar attitudes toward studying, there's no good reason for the disparity.