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Am I wasting my time in this relationship?

I'm in my early twenties, family to me is far more important than having an ambitious career. I know I'm not old, but I'm not a spring chicken any more either and do not wish to waste my time in a dead end relationship. I just feel like it's hard to judge if it's dead end or not when I love him and he's become one of my closest friends.

The things that make me think it is dead end, is that we've been together over six months and he has not said .'I love you'. He says he doesn't not love me but doesn't know if he does yet. He also flits between wanting children and thinking 'they're so annoying i don't understand why anyone has children'.

On the other end, I'm at university and we were only together in the summer for about a month before going long distance. The fact that we survive when I know long distance is so hard even for well established couples gives me hope.

But most the time I feel like I'm more into him then he's into me, it doesn't feel nice and I don't know even if he does commit (he's admitted he and I getting married isn't out of the realm of possibility) if I'll still feel like I don't know like he never had that honeymoon period of being infatuated with me. I know that's not real love, but can real love develop in the absence of that?

If it helps...here is a list of his boyfriend behaviours:
+ He calls me every day
+ I've met his family and friends
+ He spent all his time off in the xmas holidays with me
+ When I come over he's really thoughtful with getting things like milk for me (even though he doesn't drink milk)/ will get something he knows I like
- He doesn't want to bother visiting me at uni...I've made the effort a few times this term - I've made it clear it's now up to him to come to me
- When we talk he wants me to listen more than talk...sometimes I feel like he doesn't care how I am
- He's probably made less of an effort with my family than any of my exes
- No I love you after six months

Guys like that tend to believe those things when they're younger, and 'grow out' of those kinds of thoughts later on in life. What you want now isn't what he wants now, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Different people do things differently, some are more open and expressive, others are more subtle. He doesn't drink milk but he'll buy it for you - a bit trivial, but nonetheless a show of good will.

What you really need to do is take a step back and think about if he makes you happy as a person. No point prodding him with a stick to see how he responds (that should be done before you go out with someone).

At the end of the day he could just be nervous around your parents and a guy who displays emotion silently, but who values your presence though doesn't want to be too imposing.

Or he could be a guy who doesn't like your parents and is driving you both apart by making little effort.

What I'm trying to say is that you won't know unless you ask him. You don't have to if you're not happy; because if you aren't happy then you shouldn't suffer.

Reply 3

Sabertooth

I agree with the guy above. FWIW I didn't say "I love you" to my, now, spouse for 8 months so I wouldn't worry too much about that :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Sabertooth

I agree with the guy above. FWIW I didn't say "I love you" to my, now, spouse for 8 months so I wouldn't worry too much about that :smile:

Wow! Patient lady! However, did she bring it up before you said it? Why did you wait so long?

Reply 5

Sabertooth

Original post by Anonymous

Wow! Patient lady! However, did she bring it up before you said it? Why did you wait so long?

She hinted that she loved me without saying it and I told her not to tell me until I felt the same way (I'm real smooth like that you see :tongue:

). I didn't wait purposely I just wanted to be totally clear about my feelings in my own head, I probably did love her sooner than 8 months but I wanted to be completely sure. :smile: