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    I was on the phone with my girl with whom I have only been dating for a couple of days, when she confessed that she still loved had love for her ex.

    I told her that I wanted the relationship to end, but she said that it was up to me, then I cut the phone. But this morning she called me to tell me that she wanted to be with me and that I was the one she wanted to be with but that she still needed time to get over her ex as we have only been dated for a couple of days and she was with her ex for 3 years, so what should I do?

    Should I call it quits or continue in hopes that she gets over him?
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    I don't understand. What does not being over someone means? If he's going to ask her to get back with him she would?
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    (Original post by SuckMeBeautiful)
    I don't understand. What does not being over someone means? If he's going to ask her to get back with him she would?

    So you think I should leave her?


    She said she won't return with him as it's all over, but still needs time to move on.
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    So you think I should leave her?


    She said she won't return with him as it's all over, but still needs time to move on.
    Well, if she needs that time why did she get into a relationship with you? :erm: :moon: I think you guys should get back together after she gets over him otherwise it will become unhealthy with you getting jealous etc - you're already having second thoughts so whilst it's only a beginning of relationship I think it's the best thing to do.
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    (Original post by SuckMeBeautiful)
    Well, if she needs that time why did she get into a relationship with you? :erm: :moon: I think you guys should get back together after she gets over him otherwise it will become unhealthy with you getting jealous etc - you're already having second thoughts so whilst it's only a beginning of relationship I think it's the best thing to do.
    It was right after their break-up and then I intervened I think a week later while she was still going through the heart ache of the break-up, and she decided to offer me a chance, but when we started conversing about our ex's she said that she "still had love for him", but I don't want to be with her if she still loves someone else, that wouldn't be right. She said it takes her a while to get over those she loves so I don't know whether to stick it out with her and wait it out, or just call it quits.
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    It was right after their break-up and then I intervened I think a week later while she was still going through the heart ache of the break-up, and she decided to offer me a chance, but when we started conversing about our ex's she said that she "still had love for him", but I don't want to be with her if she still loves someone else, that wouldn't be right. She said it takes her a while to get over those she loves so I don't know whether to stick it out with her and wait it out, or just call it quits.
    Make a decision yourself but judge from how much you're into her. If you really really really like her then why not continue.
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    I think postpone the relationship (If you can even do such a thing) and wait till she gets over him completely, then maybe you can restart the relationship. It's dangerous to be in a relationship with a girl who has feelings for another guy, sometimes our emotions take over us and we make irrational decisions.
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    (Original post by SuckMeBeautiful)
    Make a decision yourself but judge from how much you're into her. If you really really really like her then why not continue.

    Yes I do really like her, so I think I might stick it out with her as she said she was fresh out of a break up, so it might take her some time I guess. But if she still loves him a few weeks down the line then I will have to leave her, as she obviously still loves him.
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    (Original post by LauraMayden1)
    I think postpone the relationship (If you can even do such a thing) and wait till she gets over him completely, then maybe you can restart the relationship. It's dangerous to be in a relationship with a girl who has feelings for another guy, sometimes our emotions take over us and we make irrational decisions.

    Yeah, she said that she wanted to remain close friends until she was completely over him, so that we kept in contact but we weren't fully committed, I told her that I would sleep on it, but maybe staying friends with her for now wouldn't be such a bad idea?
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    Yes I do really like her, so I think I might stick it out with her as she said she was fresh out of a break up, so it might take her some time I guess. But if she still loves him a few weeks down the line then I will have to leave her, as she obviously still loves him.
    Good idea, hope it works out for you.
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    It's only been a few days and she's already mentioned her not being over her ex? she's allowing the possibility of a break up hang in the air with the "it's up to you" line? she needs time to get over her ex? how many red flags do you need before you react :nopity:
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    (Original post by thecatwithnohat)
    It's only been a few days and she's already mentioned her not being over her ex? she's allowing the possibility of a break up hang in the air with the "it's up to you" line? she needs time to get over her ex? how many red flags do you need before you react :nopity:

    I asked her if she still loved her ex as we were conversing about our ex's together and she said that still had love for him, when she said that "it was up to me", I told her that it was over, she then called me this morning explaining that she was crying over what she had said and "she wanted to be with me and that I was the one for her" and all this mumbo jumbo, so I told her that I would sleep on it, so Idk really what to do? she said she wanted to be with me but wasn't fully over her ex yet.
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    Yeah, she said that she wanted to remain close friends until she was completely over him, so that we kept in contact but we weren't fully committed, I told her that I would sleep on it, but maybe staying friends with her for now wouldn't be such a bad idea?
    Yeah, I think overall if she's a nice girl and loyal and you really like her then just give her some time. Some people take longer than others and hers will be hard since she was with him for three years. You can't just unlove someone just like that, but maybe as she stays friends with you she'll realise that she loves you and wants to be with you, so give it some time.
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    I asked her if she still loved her ex as we were conversing about our ex's together and she said that still had love for him, when she said that "it was up to me", I told her that it was over, she then called me this morning explaining that she was crying over what she had said and "she wanted to be with me and that I was the one for her" and all this mumbo jumbo, so I told her that I would sleep on it, so Idk really what to do? she said she wanted to be with me but wasn't fully over her ex yet.
    Give it some time. She clearly seems fearful that you'll move on because she isn't over her ex, but it seems that she really has feelings for you too. I suggest that you both take it slowly, because it'll be difficult for the both of you if one half is still hurting over someone from the past.
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    Talking from experience, I think the best thing you guys should do is just be friends for now.

    I do think if you stay together, it can work out. But, if you are in a relationship it is more difficult knowing that she is still thinking of someone else and tbh there's a chance that she won't let him go (however, she may do).

    But, if you say, well, let's just be friends for now and see how it goes, she may come to a point where she realises she wants and loves you more than him and then you know you're good to start with a healthy relationship. But then is she is never sure then well... it's probably just that she does still love him but doesn't want to be single so you're a good option.

    Like, I'm not saying you wouldn't be able to hang out together, but you would know it's not official and shouldn't take things too far until she is clear of her feelings. That way no one will get hurt unnecessarily.
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    (Original post by thecatwithnohat)
    Give it some time. She clearly seems fearful that you'll move on because she isn't over her ex, but it seems that she really has feelings for you too. I suggest that you both take it slowly, because it'll be difficult for the both of you if one half is still hurting over someone from the past.
    Yeah you're probably right it would be best to take it slow, she did say that she wanted us to be friends on a temporary basis until she was "fully over him" so that we stayed in contact but we weren't fully committed yet, so I might have to consider the possibility of staying friends with her until she knows what she wants to do?
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    (Original post by LauraMayden1)
    Yeah, I think overall if she's a nice girl and loyal and you really like her then just give her some time. Some people take longer than others and hers will be hard since she was with him for three years. You can't just unlove someone just like that, but maybe as she stays friends with you she'll realise that she loves you and wants to be with you, so give it some time.
    Yeah thanks for the advice I was thinking that I can't really expect her to get over someone after three years of a relationship it's quite a difficult thing to do, especially as she really loved him.

    But I will definitely stay friends with her for now and see how it goes ,Thanks.
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    (Original post by Rossagle)
    Talking from experience, I think the best thing you guys should do is just be friends for now.

    I do think if you stay together, it can work out. But, if you are in a relationship it is more difficult knowing that she is still thinking of someone else and tbh there's a chance that she won't let him go (however, she may do).

    But, if you say, well, let's just be friends for now and see how it goes, she may come to a point where she realises she wants and loves you more than him and then you know you're good to start with a healthy relationship. But then is she is never sure then well... it's probably just that she does still love him but doesn't want to be single so you're a good option.

    Like, I'm not saying you wouldn't be able to hang out together, but you would know it's not official and shouldn't take things too far until she is clear of her feelings. That way no one will get hurt unnecessarily.
    She offered me the option of me and her staying friends until she was fully over her ex, but she told me that it was completely out of the option of her returning with her ex as they went through a terrible break-up, but I might take her up on her offer as she might eventually forgot about him so only time can tell.

    Thanks for the advice.
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    (Original post by African.Bambata)
    Yeah thanks for the advice I was thinking that I can't really expect her to get over someone after three years of a relationship it's quite a difficult thing to do, especially as she really loved him.

    But I will definitely stay friends with her for now and see how it goes ,Thanks.
    No problem, you're welcome
 
 
 
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