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Flatmate is feeling left out

wondie

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

LalaKitten

Original post by wondie

I've got a big big problem.

I met my best friend when we were living together in halls and we quickly became super close, we use to do all these crazy things and just be silly around each other all the time. We decided to move into a house with a few other people for our second year.

After summer we moved in together and we kept having loads of fun, but by the end of the year she started to change. She didn't want to go out or do stuff anymore and she seemed to spent all her time by herself in her room or hanging out inside the house with the other housemates. I didn't mind it, but I need to get out much more than her, so I started hanging out with other friends.

Now we are in our third year and everyone in the house is new but us two. We tend to hang out a lot, wether it is just to watch a movie or to go out, but my friend never wants to join us. I've got really close to all my new housemates, but I've always made the effort to try and include her in everything we do: I keep popping up in her room to talk to her and get her to socialise, but she doesn't want to.

At first I thought she might had been going through some down time, so I didn't bring it up, but it's been almost a year now. She spends the whole day in the library and the gets home and locks herself in her room. She keeps using the fact that she has too much work to avoid socialising, but I know that is not the case - I have friends in the same course. She is also getting extremely annoyed by things like the house not being spotless, when last year she didn't give a ****.

I'm scared that she's using the work and cleaning excuses to hide the fact that she's depressed and feels left out, but I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to her about seeing a therapist but she refuses to do it and she's just making herself more and more miserable every day. I can see the sadness on her face and it breaks my heart to know that something like this is making us grow apart.

Has any of you faced a problem like this before? Is there anything I can do to stop it?

Thanks!

Hi! Woah, that's quite the problem you have there and I can honestly say that I am going through something similar at college.

My friend feels left out because of the time I spend with a mutual friend, even though we're studying and I frequently invite my left out friend but she always declines.

I honestly think that your friend avoiding you socially is due to a deeper rooted problem that's going on in her life. You cant force her to tell you and you cant force her to join you, but you can sit down with her and bring it up, gently tell her if something is bothering her, or she ever needs to talk you're there for her to be her listening ear. Be patient with your friend, she might not want to spill the beans at first, but just be really supportive of her.

Reply 2

SmellyProtein

Maybe she doesn't like you anymore.

People who try and get others to socialise with them are the most annoying type of people.

Reply 3

wondie

...

(edited 6 years ago)

(edited 6 years ago)

Original post by wondie

I feel so sorry for you... Have you talked about it with her? I can imagine how you must be feeling. Seeing someone you love fall into depression is one of the worst things I've ever had to experience.

It sounds cold of me, but I've left her to it, I'm not as worried as you are because she does socialise with others and she isn't completely isolating herself, it's more or less she's angry with me even though I have tried.

You really need to talk to her. Depression is a complex issue and alot of the time you wont ever find out what was bothering them until it is too late. So please, just sit down with her in private and take a soft approach.

Reply 6

shawn_o1

Third year is most important for any uni course, you can't have the same amount of fun as in first or second because of the workload and how much it contributes to the overall degree classification you'll get (first, 2:1 or 2:2). Maybe she'll be "back to normal" once the year ends, if not, something is going on with her but please, don't put her under any pressure, only let her know that you are there for her and will listen if she decides to talk about it.

(edited 6 years ago)

if she won't tell you what the problem is there's not much you can do...

just try and encourage her to talk to you about what the problem is so you can solve it, perhaps try and spend some time together doing stuff inside just you two?

Reply 9

robinfr

maybe shes just really anti social and/or an introvert. people nag me for not wanting to go out but some of us just like sitting inside reading a book with a cup of tea. :u: