Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Coping with the loss of a parent as a 16 y/o...AMA Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hideNfreak)
    I remember how hard it was for me too, i hadn't seen my mum for over a week when I was told the news - the moment, that moment when I was told, I'd never experienced anything like it and nor would I wish that experience on anyone. The gut wrenching heart ache and the inability to process what is real or not. I remember standing and I just couldn't stand, it's like my legs just gave out from under me. I just felt numb it was like an 'out of body' experience, I could see myself and how I was reacting and I couldn't move. I remember going to see her before the burial, entering through these large steel doors and seeing this body covered with fabric and was told it was my mother.

    Before her death, she was really ill. She was also severely depressed and wasn't the same person she once was. She was very ill and had a major heart surgery and complications arose. And well.. something had gone very wrong where she was pronounced brain dead and the only thing keeping her alive was the machine that literally pumped the life into her. I've never really shared this before and I remember during that time I was alone, my family were with my mother were all at the specialist hospital (which was a couple of hours away) leaving me sent to go live with different relatives that I barely knew.

    Seeing these moments on t.v you never think twice, you never think that you'd be that person mourning someone close to you. I remember the cloth was removed revealing her face and how I was just frozen, I was so scared in that moment seeing her face so calm and peaceful with a ghost of a smile; I felt haunted. In that moment she wasn't ill, she was depressed, she was the mother I once knew who looked so carefree before her depression. Sometimes I think back to this moment and think how I wish I got to spend more time with her and how I wish I was there holding her hand til her last breath or how I wish I remembered the last conversation we had together, but sadly I don't. I overheard the news of my mother's death from a phone call and from there everything was a blur.

    Even now to this day, I still can't quite believe it it's as though every time I hear the key in lock turn I feel like she'll be back, like she's just gone on holiday- but maybe I'm denial. But staring at her face in that room, it seemed fake thinking it was all a big joke like everyone was going to jump out but then I was told 'to say my goodbyes' to her, but I remember shaking my head trying to form the word 'no' and even now I look back at that moment and wish I had the courage to kiss her cheek one last time.

    The only way I cope is to try and forget to pretend it ever happened because when I do let myself think that there is even a little possibility that it's true then I'll lose it. The only thing I remember very clearly was when I found out that's when I had a panic attack.

    I honestly think you're very brave. I told you my story because I wanted you to know unlike me you have people to help you through this. I remember going to school, I didn't cry, I didn't want to be 'weak' so I didn't cry at all- nothing. It was like a numb feeling all over, I tried to act normal at school thinking it could keep my mind off of it but somehow people found out. I thought they'd be understanding. I remember people accusing me of lying about my mother's death and how it was all for attention and there was even this one girl who asked me 'didn't you love your mother? why aren't you crying?' and then other people spread rumours around like how there was something wrong with me and even how her death was my fault.

    This is just to show you, even though I had no one who understood what I went through or was there for me I still made it through - even if I'm still in denial. Everyone has their own way of coping and if feel you don't have anyone whose there for you through this difficult time then I'm here to be that person who wasn't there when I needed someone.
    I shed a tear at this, thank you for sharing your story with me. I feel truly honoured and I want to say, although it was some time ago, my thoughts are with you and I send all my love. Just know she loved you, and in some comforting way, her suffering was eased by her passing. My mum was screaming when she collapsed, screaming and fitting and I was so scared, I just wanted to take her pain away. In a way, her death was a relief, because it ended six days of unbearable suffering. I can only think that people who have passed must be in a better place now. I also can completely relate with the thing about feeling empty. When my dad looked into my eyes and told me my mum wasn't ever going to wake up I couldn't cry, I couldn't say anything. I was just weak and I felt cold, like all life had been sucked out of me. People asked me, 'why don't you cry?' and I just said 'I've been awake for almost a week, I don't have the energy to feel anything anymore. It was only after the grief of the situation had passed that I could sleep properly again. I'm still having issues though, two months on. I also went back to school extremely quickly too, possibly too soon. It was only 4 days after she had passed away that I was back in lessons, however I have had a month off since then, here and there. The only comfort I can offer you is that I share in all these emotions equally, I send you every ounce of love that I possibly can, you are so brave to talk about what happened to you. Thank you for your support xxx
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PalindromeGirl)
    As the title says, I recently lost my mum. Talking about it does me good, and will help others too. I know there is already a sticky thread about bereavement but this is specifically for the loss of parents. Anyone else out there going through this hell? If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. Here to support everyone xx
    My father died during 2010, when I was 12. We never had a bond as close as yours, though. Did you and your mother speak quite often about feelings and things, connecting a lot, emotionally?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinemither)
    My father died during 2010, when I was 12. We never had a bond as close as yours, though. Did you and your mother speak quite often about feelings and things, connecting a lot, emotionally?
    Hi, first of all I'd like to pass on my condolences to you. I suppose we had a typical mother-daughter relationship and I told her anything and everything, she was my confidant. I'm finding it hard though, as a 16 y/o who was a mummy's girl, its difficult to talk to my dad but we're getting closer and building our relationship. Is that the case with your mum? xx
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PalindromeGirl)
    Hi, first of all I'd like to pass on my condolences to you. I suppose we had a typical mother-daughter relationship and I told her anything and everything, she was my confidant. I'm finding it hard though, as a 16 y/o who was a mummy's girl, its difficult to talk to my dad but we're getting closer and building our relationship. Is that the case with your mum? xx
    That's so sweet. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I couldn't cope if I lost mine.

    Not at all, we aren't overly close. We speak, but aren't too close. My mother is very busy and rarely sits down to talk. I never got along with my dad, but I do with mum. We just don't talk often. I usually stay silent irl.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinemither)
    That's so sweet. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I couldn't cope if I lost mine.

    Not at all, we aren't overly close. We speak, but aren't too close. My mother is very busy and rarely sits down to talk. I never got along with my dad, but I do with mum. We just don't talk often. I usually stay silent irl.
    Awh fair enough, everyone is different I suppose. just make sure you tell her when you're sad okay? or tell someone at least xx
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PalindromeGirl)
    Awh fair enough, everyone is different I suppose. just make sure you tell her when you're sad okay? or tell someone at least xx
    I'll have to ponder it. I don't tend to talk about it because people dislike listening. But I shall do, thank you. And same for you. Xx
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinemither)
    I'll have to ponder it. I don't tend to talk about it because people dislike listening. But I shall do, thank you. And same for you. Xx
    Hey you know where I am if you ever wanna chat or vent xx
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PalindromeGirl)
    Hey you know where I am if you ever wanna chat or vent xx
    Thank you. And the same thing for you! xx
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PalindromeGirl)
    As the title says, I recently lost my mum. Talking about it does me good, and will help others too. I know there is already a sticky thread about bereavement but this is specifically for the loss of parents. Anyone else out there going through this hell? If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. Here to support everyone xx
    any advice for those of us who still have both parents but take them for granted?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    any advice for those of us who still have both parents but take them for granted?
    I'm sure you don't take your parents for granted but I would just say spend every free moment with them. Sure, do school work and see your friends, but do one thing every weekend with them, like go for a walk, go swimming, whatever, so you've got all those lovely memories to look back on xx
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd be devastated if I lost my mother since she's all I have.. She's my precious. (My father abandoned us when I was 3 so I don't know how it is to have two parents)


    I have no clue how one's supposed to deal with the loss of a parent who'd always been there for you and actually cared about you. My condolences to everyone who had to go through this.. ;_; but the fact that you're still able to ace your studies is truly amazing and just proves that your mum did a fabulous job. Mama would be so proud :')

    Wish you all the best for your future! Stay awesome!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Condolences and lots of hugs. Stay strong girl xxx

    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 16, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.