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Helicopter parents - tips on handling the situation

Hey everyone,

The topic has come up recently on TSR about students who feel their parents are being overbearing or acting like helicopters (e.g., demanding to know where they are all the time, wanting to stay with them in halls, calling their uni about uni work, etc. etc.) when they move to uni.

I'd really like to write an article on how to handle the situation and relationship with their parents in a positive way. I've got a thread in uni life to get some tips and advice but I think it would be really nice to hear some tips from parents point of view, too.

It would be really nice to hear how parents feel when their kids move out for the first time too.

So if anyone's got any advice/tips/insight that they'd like to share, that would be wonderful :smile:

Reply 1

Doones

Original post by Puddles the Monkey

It would be really nice to hear how parents feel when their kids move out for the first time too.

Can't wait!

Got Airbnb lined up for the room already... :wink:

Reply 2

dirtmother

I am looking forward to the bill for chocolate chip brioche going down (may possibly not be enough to cover his uni rent though feels like it sometimes). And having enough plates, glasses etc in the kitchen cupboards instead of stashed in strange places around his room.

Reply 3

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by jneill

Can't wait!

Got Airbnb lined up for the room already... :wink:

Cold!

Original post by dirtmother

Are you going to be worried about him?

Reply 4

Jantaculum

On a more serious note - my daughter found that allowing me to still be her Facebook friend (which I know that not all students like) meant that I didn't bother her so much. Late-night statuses, however drunk, showed me that she was safely back in her room. And I didn't have to ask the 'what are you doing?' question as I knew exactly what she was doing - albeit filtered through social media.

I found it best when texting her, NEVER to ask a question - much better to send a text about something that was going on at home, or a funny story that I'd heard. Asking questions (like 'what are you up to today?') was a sure way not to get an answer. Took me the best part of two years to realise that though.

(It makes me wonder how my parents managed back in the 1980s when I was a student & they'd be lucky to get a weekly call from the communal phone…)

As far as the worry goes, yeah, of course, it's part of the 'job description' of being a parent. But the happier she was (i.e. had supportive friends) the less I worried.

Reply 5

dirtmother

Worried, yes, of course I'll be worried... but probably no more than I have been for the last 18+ years. It will also be a lot more obvious whose problem something is and easier to keep out of it. (Although yes, I do worry about stuff like whether he will be the nightmare flatmate who keeps people awake, doesn't take his fair share of domestic and financial responsibilities... because I feel I should have brought him up not to be like that)

Depends of course whether he is somewhere we've researched and visited and built up some confidence about whether it has a good chance of working out.... if he gets into one of his first three accommodation choices at his Firm. I'll worry more if he doesn't get accommodation or has had to find somewhere through clearing.

Some form of content free yup, still alive, not in desperate bother, button would be great! (He did have his grandfather as a Facebook friend until his uncle told him to just unfriend him as they were getting into too many arguments!)

What will be hard I think is not getting lots of information about the course - I've sat through enough sales talks on the subject to be sold on it, and have now read more about it than he has (not hard)

Reply 6

Klix88

Do be aware that Facebook has all sorts of ways that you can prevent specified Friends from seeing what you post! I'm Friends with my Mum, but as far as she's concerned I never post anything or get tagged :wink:

BTW I'm 52 and she's 74... If any student out there thinks this is ever going to stop, you can think again :biggrin:

EDIT: Sorry! On a more positive note... Remember above all, that as a parent, you've done a good job. You have raised an individual who is ready to leave you and start to take their place in the world. Yes there will be mistakes and the odd crisis, but that will always happen in life and uni is the perfect "halfway house" for your kids to to start learning how to handle them. The fact that you have an undergrad as a child, is proof of a job well done. Try to stop worrying for long enough to feel proud - not only of them, but of yourselves too. And remember that it's only a matter of weeks before it's the Christmas holidays. They'll be back raiding the biscuit tin and leaving laundry everywhere, before you know it!