Post anonymously something you want to get off your chest

I just wish I could talk about my feelings and what's on my mind more openly..
I just don't know how to and I keep pushing everyone away because of it.
I don't mean to, but my friends pop up and complain because I don't talk to them enough but how can I tell them I don't like having the deep conversations everyday or any day.. I can't talk about my feelings nor do I want to. I've had a lot of bad things happen in my life - a lot. But by nature I'm an extremely optimistic person, I don't think or talk about any of it because I don't like it, it ruins my mood and the atmosphere around me so I just like to ignore it, it's my preference there's nothing forcing me to not talk about it.

How can I explain this to my friends ?

They are constantly pushing me to "let it out" and they say "you can talk to us about it" and I know they're just being good friends but I don't want to talk about it and I've told them why but they don't get it! And secondly, the other day, I opened up to a close friend about something I havnt talked to anyone
About and later she made some pathetic excuse about why she had to send the whole chat to her boyfriend and that he felt "really sorry" for me. It isn't much of a big deal but I just didn't know how to feel, like they push me to open up and then instead of keeping it to themselves they feel the need to tell others?

Idk any advice anyone? I'm just feeling really down, I don't really know what advice you could give to be honest , I just wanted to say this and found this thread so thank you to the thread starter @andrewSCO

You are welcome

First of all I think it's good you have friends that care. I would say to more or less say to them what you just said in this post. However, you should get ahead of it and reach out to them. If the other times have happened in a situation where you might seem a little down and they ask you what's wrong and you are kinda replying in a way that's coming across as defensive or stubborn that might make them want to try and get it out of you.

I think you should just message them at a normal time when nothing's happened and be like "hey guys, I just wanted to say I've been doing some thinking and I really appreciate the fact you all care about how I'm doing and stuff, I'm not trying to shut you guys out it's just the way that works for me looking forwards instead of back" and basically just tell them what you just said in your post. If you message them yourself and say thanks but it's honestly okay I appreciate it, instead of every time you have the convo being in a defensive situation when they already think you're upset about something and not being yourself. This way hopefully that would come across as more genuine and rational to them and they can accept it's the truth. Some people might get offended in a way or feel like they aren't that close to someone as a friend if the other person doesn't want to share things so I would also make it clear you do consider them close friends and appreciate it and it's just you.

But yeah, I would just reach out to them and basically just say to them what you just said here

I know, I'm extremely lucky that I have great friends and I appreciate them more than anything in my life. My relationship with my family is rough and unstable so really my friends are the only true family I have. I have explained as nicely as I can that I don't like to bring up the past because it only hurts me more, but they just don't understand... and they have conversations behind my back to try and get stuff out of me. It's like a game to them.

The "thing" I told my friend, as well as her boyfriend she also told some other people... and now I have random people popping up to me asking me about it. I really don't know what to say, it's my private life which I want to keep private and keep in the past.

I'm in 6th form, moving into year 13, my entire focus is on my A levels so I can hopefully get into the course I want and open up a bright future... I want to move on from my past and I'm trying really hard to, but it seems like everyone and everything is pulling me right back into it.

And then thing with this is, it isn't actually everything, nor is it everyone. It's three people, three people, but it is having such an impact on me that I feel like everything around me is just suffocating.. especially when I'm around them. I moved schools for 6 form, so my new friends are amazing - they don't know much about my past and they accept the fact that I don't want to talk about it! So for me school is great.. but after school when I have to come home is when it starts, and it's the summer holidays... so it's been even worse lately.

I'm not depressed but I feel depressed and upset. Results day being so close isn't helping

Job Interview tomorrow, please wish me luck!!

I was with a boy for 1 and a half years and he was extremely controlling like he wouldn't allow me to go out with my friends for the whole relationship but I'm not a weak person so yeno I went out with them and he rang me like 150 times while I was out with them and he kept doing the find my iphone alarm noise which was obviously getting very stressful as he'd do it repetitively. He used to tell me to change what I was wearing and it was getting to the point where he would try to stop me from going out with my own parents and he used to yell at me and all sorts so I had counselling for this relationship as it was worse than it probably sounds and we haven't been together for like a year now and he kept on attempting to message me throughout this year by making secret accounts and saying he has still got things that resemble me such as keyrings of me and him and he loves me and misses me and all sorts but I just blocked him each time as he treated me so poorly and he would not change. He has been trying to get hold of me within the post month or so too and then today on instagram I seen him commenting on some girls post that was in our year (I just left year 11 so she's not really in my year now) and they arent together (yet) and even though he's blocked I could see the message but then I refreshed the page and it disappeared so it must have been a fault or something. This message has made me feel very low and jealous and I feel so stupid for saying that as everyone around me says I should be over him and I'm nearly there but I keep having setbacks. I also feel really ugly because he obviously prefers her over me. I just wish she wasnt in our year as I'm going to have to see them both on results day and results day is enough stress by itself.

I have never been diagnosed with anxiety but Im pretty certain I have it as I feel sick and sometimes I am when I'm nervous and I have pretty bad anxiety about results day as I need a 7 for further maths and maths at college and I dont know if I'm going to get a 7. I do edexcel and I think I got 152-165.

Just remind yourself of all the bad things. That doesn't make you ugly, she's second choice and you should feel sorry for her not yourself. She's the one that may be about to bring him into her life. Just don't get involved and focus on moving forward. If I was to ask you what your ideal relationship would be, would it include anything of what you mentioned in your post just now? No it wouldn't. You don't miss him, you miss the fantasy you thought you had and the feeling of being with someone. But there's plenty of better people to experience that with than him, focus on finding the new, better person

I'm wearing girls underwear.

EDIT Oh noes forgot to anon