rephrase this sentence please.

do you think there is anything wrong with it.

My AS levels have ascertained my desire in studying them and subjects that have immediate relevance in greater depth.

My tutor thought i shouldn't use the word ascertained and he doesnt like the immediate relevance bit.

the best i could do was:

My as levels have consolidated my desire in studying them and related issues in greater depth.

What do think?

Reply 1

Mishael

2

What's 'them'?

It's difficult to comment when I don't know the context. :tongue:

Reply 2

confused?

OP

1

Accounting Management And Economics Are The Subjects Im Refering To By The Word Them.

Reply 3

confused?

OP

1

Are There Any Thoughts Or Should I Consider As A Perfect Sentence In This Context.

Reply 4

paymaster

1

confused?

My AS levels have ascertained my desire in studying them and subjects that have immediate relevance in greater depth.

Ok... well the original makes no sense.... 'ascertain your desire??'.
What AS-Levels did you do? How did they help? Skills developed... content... etc. At the moment, there is no point putting that sentence in, as it doesn't say anything

Reply 5

-mb-

6

How about this?

"The in-depth nature of AS-level study has consolidated my passion for these subjects..."

Hope this helps.

Reply 6

david_brent

"The in-depth nature of AS-level study has consolidated my passion for these subjects..."

Or "the in-depth nature of AS-level study has confirmed that these are subjects which I have a real interest in continuing at university."

Keep it simple. "Passion" is a word used far too often in personal statements - I know from bitter experience, having been bollocked for overusing it in mine.

Reply 7

marabara

1

david_brent

"The in-depth nature of AS-level study has consolidated my passion for these subjects..."

Or "the in-depth nature of AS-level study has confirmed that these are subjects which I have a real interest in continuing at university."

Keep it simple. "Passion" is a word used far too often in personal statements - I know from bitter experience, having been bollocked for overusing it in mine.

that's much better - the second suggestion omitting passion - as the first attempt doesn't make any sense

keep it real, and keep it simple - when you start trying to overcomplicate things, it just doesn't work

rephrase this sentence please.

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