I feel bad for leaving my Mum by going to university
I'm due to start a Russel group University this month, it's been a long journey (applying a few years later), but it's a great opportunity.
My father passed away when I was 13, it's just been me and my mother since then, we are very close and help each other through difficult times. We aren't very well off money wise, but we do get by, she works but has several problems affecting her, such as depression and fibromialgia.
I hope by getting a degree I will be able to make more money to eventually support her and myself so that she can retire one day. I feel bad for leaving her as I imagine she will be lonely without me, and feel guilty for doing so. (I too will miss her very much)
She is very supportive and hasn't asked me to stay, but I do feel a sadness about her because of this. This would be the first time that she has ever been alone. We have a dog and a cat (also I have other siblings but they only visit when they can as they have their own lives).
I like the course but I am still unsure, as I'm not totally aware of where it will take me after postgrad, and being slightly older than other students is making me feel a little anxious and I'm quite quiet in general. Any advice is very much welcomed, thank you in advance.
My father passed away when I was 13, it's just been me and my mother since then, we are very close and help each other through difficult times. We aren't very well off money wise, but we do get by, she works but has several problems affecting her, such as depression and fibromialgia.
I hope by getting a degree I will be able to make more money to eventually support her and myself so that she can retire one day. I feel bad for leaving her as I imagine she will be lonely without me, and feel guilty for doing so. (I too will miss her very much)
She is very supportive and hasn't asked me to stay, but I do feel a sadness about her because of this. This would be the first time that she has ever been alone. We have a dog and a cat (also I have other siblings but they only visit when they can as they have their own lives).
I like the course but I am still unsure, as I'm not totally aware of where it will take me after postgrad, and being slightly older than other students is making me feel a little anxious and I'm quite quiet in general. Any advice is very much welcomed, thank you in advance.
It’s lovely to see you so close you your mum, and it’s great that you care about her so much!
I think you know deep down that going to uni is the right thing to do for you, and probably for your mum as well. Uni is a great experience, and a time to learn more about yourself and learn to be independent. It is so natural to be scared when you go to uni for the first time (I cried, but then my new room was awful with no windows). You may be projecting your fears slightly on to your mum, (you sure she can’t for the last bird to fly the nest
)
In terms of your mum, it sounds like she will certainly miss you and be lonely for a while, but you can’t stop that from you doing what you want in your life. It may also encourage her to do more outside the family. Does she have friends? Has she considered dating? Societies? Groups of friends? You leaving might be a good start for her. Is she having counselling for the depression?
You could talk to your siblings and arrange visiting her? Take it in turns?
I phone my parents everyother day and I’m in my mid 20s. And there’s no shame visiting home regularly to begin with, as long as it doesn’t stop you intergtadung with uni.
Being older shouldn’t make you nervous, I knew lots of undergrads from socials who were late 20s/ early 30s and they fit in just find. If you’re quiet by nature make sure you’re just friendly and personable and you’ll make friends quickly! Joining socials/sports always helps.
Good luck!
I think you know deep down that going to uni is the right thing to do for you, and probably for your mum as well. Uni is a great experience, and a time to learn more about yourself and learn to be independent. It is so natural to be scared when you go to uni for the first time (I cried, but then my new room was awful with no windows). You may be projecting your fears slightly on to your mum, (you sure she can’t for the last bird to fly the nest
)In terms of your mum, it sounds like she will certainly miss you and be lonely for a while, but you can’t stop that from you doing what you want in your life. It may also encourage her to do more outside the family. Does she have friends? Has she considered dating? Societies? Groups of friends? You leaving might be a good start for her. Is she having counselling for the depression?
You could talk to your siblings and arrange visiting her? Take it in turns?
I phone my parents everyother day and I’m in my mid 20s. And there’s no shame visiting home regularly to begin with, as long as it doesn’t stop you intergtadung with uni.
Being older shouldn’t make you nervous, I knew lots of undergrads from socials who were late 20s/ early 30s and they fit in just find. If you’re quiet by nature make sure you’re just friendly and personable and you’ll make friends quickly! Joining socials/sports always helps.
Good luck!
Thanks, I'm just very worried about her.
On one hand, you have the right to be worried, and it would be good to get things in place so that the transition for you leaving is easiest. Get a schedule for when you’ll call her? Encourage her to get a support network going? Make sure she has numbers if there is an emergancy. Consider Counselling?
In the other hand, it’s not your job to look after her. If it’s to a point where youre her carer, I can understand the dependence and it’s a slightly different story, but if it’s just loneliness then you’d have to leave home eventually. People tend to take to this stuff better than expected, and your mum may not be happy for a bit, but she will learn to adapt. It might be the best for both of you to get some space.
There’s a good psychology trick for worry, called a ‘worry tree’. You ask yourself ‘why am I worried?’. Your worried about your mum, and how she’ll cope. ‘Is there anything I can do about that?’. You could quit uni (which you’ll regret), you could change uni to a local one (which won’t allow independence for you), or you go to uni. ‘Is there anything you can do about that now?’ ‘No, I’m going to uni and i’ll See how it is’ or ‘yes, I can prepare her for my departure’. If no, there is no point worrying, if yes, do those things then repeat tree.
It’s a rough tree, but you can see what I mean. There’s no point worrying if you’ve made a decision and you’ve stuck to it.
In the other hand, it’s not your job to look after her. If it’s to a point where youre her carer, I can understand the dependence and it’s a slightly different story, but if it’s just loneliness then you’d have to leave home eventually. People tend to take to this stuff better than expected, and your mum may not be happy for a bit, but she will learn to adapt. It might be the best for both of you to get some space.
There’s a good psychology trick for worry, called a ‘worry tree’. You ask yourself ‘why am I worried?’. Your worried about your mum, and how she’ll cope. ‘Is there anything I can do about that?’. You could quit uni (which you’ll regret), you could change uni to a local one (which won’t allow independence for you), or you go to uni. ‘Is there anything you can do about that now?’ ‘No, I’m going to uni and i’ll See how it is’ or ‘yes, I can prepare her for my departure’. If no, there is no point worrying, if yes, do those things then repeat tree.
It’s a rough tree, but you can see what I mean. There’s no point worrying if you’ve made a decision and you’ve stuck to it.
I’m also in the same position. Best thing to do is call her everyday just to converse and check on her 
. You will be home during the holidays at least
. You will be home during the holidays at leastOriginal post by Anonymous
I'm due to start a Russel group University this month, it's been a long journey (applying a few years later), but it's a great opportunity.
My father passed away when I was 13, it's just been me and my mother since then, we are very close and help each other through difficult times. We aren't very well off money wise, but we do get by, she works but has several problems affecting her, such as depression and fibromialgia.
I hope by getting a degree I will be able to make more money to eventually support her and myself so that she can retire one day. I feel bad for leaving her as I imagine she will be lonely without me, and feel guilty for doing so. (I too will miss her very much)
She is very supportive and hasn't asked me to stay, but I do feel a sadness about her because of this. This would be the first time that she has ever been alone. We have a dog and a cat (also I have other siblings but they only visit when they can as they have their own lives).
I like the course but I am still unsure, as I'm not totally aware of where it will take me after postgrad, and being slightly older than other students is making me feel a little anxious and I'm quite quiet in general. Any advice is very much welcomed, thank you in advance.
My father passed away when I was 13, it's just been me and my mother since then, we are very close and help each other through difficult times. We aren't very well off money wise, but we do get by, she works but has several problems affecting her, such as depression and fibromialgia.
I hope by getting a degree I will be able to make more money to eventually support her and myself so that she can retire one day. I feel bad for leaving her as I imagine she will be lonely without me, and feel guilty for doing so. (I too will miss her very much)
She is very supportive and hasn't asked me to stay, but I do feel a sadness about her because of this. This would be the first time that she has ever been alone. We have a dog and a cat (also I have other siblings but they only visit when they can as they have their own lives).
I like the course but I am still unsure, as I'm not totally aware of where it will take me after postgrad, and being slightly older than other students is making me feel a little anxious and I'm quite quiet in general. Any advice is very much welcomed, thank you in advance.
Your life is characterised by your aspirations, do not let another's suffering cast a leash upon you.
Pity is the transmission vector of suffering. Overcome and swallow pain like its antidote. Pain is the strain between you and a better world, make sure you're the designator and not the afflicted.
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