Don't get me wrong, I'm doing well in my life. I have a boyfriend who I have a house with, I have a good job with a decent (well, very good actually) wage, and a good car plus hobbies that I enjoy.
But.. particularly recently, I've found myself getting overly nostalgic.
I miss being a child, and having nothing to worry about. I miss waking up every morning, having some breakfast while listening to music, and getting ready for school. I miss school and seeing my friends. I miss coming home and sitting in my cosy warm bedroom doing my homework (which I always enjoyed). I miss my mum shouting me downstairs for dinner, where the four of us would sit around the table, then eat dessert in front of the TV together.
I miss weekends where we'd go on family days out, even if only shopping, and I miss school holidays where we'd go away in the caravan and see new places and meet all kinds of people.
I miss that feeling I'd get at the beginning of a school holiday where days off just seemed to stretch ahead of me. I knew it'd take me a day to get all my homework done, then I'd be free, so I did that right away. I always made a list of things to do in the holidays, and my mum used to take me and my brother to all kinds of places.
I miss how excited I used to get about Christmas, Halloween, even Easter to a lesser extent. I remember not being able to sleep on Christmas Eve, and just loving every second of Christmas Day with my family, beautiful food, TV with nibbles in the evening and obviously some amazing presents too.
Now, I feel almost like I don't get excited about anything. I just have too much to do, and everything seems to cost a lot of money. Also, my parents split a couple of years ago, so nothing to do with family is the same anymore - it's now just stressful trying to see everyone I need to see, as we can't all just go out together anymore like we used to.
I just sit sometimes and long for that contentment that I had when I was sitting in my teenage bedroom chatting to friends on MSN, or I wish I had any kind of positive feeling at all about Christmas other than oh dear it costs so much, and when am I going to see Mum and Dad now I can't see them together.
It feels like, quite frankly, being an adult sucks. I had such an amazingly happy childhood, and teenage years, and time at uni as well to be honest, but since graduation - and more specifically since my parents split up - I feel like everything has been ruined, and I will never feel that uncomplicated happiness of childhood again.
Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? I sometimes feel so down just thinking about how nothing is, or ever will be, the same.
I love my boyfriend and I love living with him, but there's just so much about the past that I miss, I could sit here listing things forever.