Being the ugly one of a friendship group. Watch

Poll: Being the ugly one of a friendship group.
Talk to someone about it (11)
11.34%
Get over it (28)
28.87%
Find new friends (3)
3.09%
Someone will like you for you (55)
56.7%
account8037
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#1
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#1
I wanted to start an open chat about being the ugly one/DUFF of a friendship group. I personally have really struggled recently with coming to terms with this concept because i know for a fact i am this person in my friendship group. Especially because all my friends are super pretty girls and all the boys would definitely go for them. It’s been really hard as i’ve been stuck in my own head a lot lately and just feel stuck in a position where i can’t move past it and it’s making me really upset but i never show it to my friends because it’s such a stupid reason to be upset- plus i don’t think they’d ever understand because they will never be the unattractive ones in our group. It’s hard for me to hear them all complain about two boys liking them at the same time or constantly hearing “oh he’s flirting with me” or “it’s not like that”. I understand everyone has insecurities and flaws they don’t like about themselves but i am generally quite an outgoing person, however i’ve just been inside my own head a lot and i’m really am not happy with the way i’m feeling about things. If anyone has experiences and advice please comment as i’d like to start an open chat about this.
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goggleyed
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#2
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#2
Someone will like you for you

Remember being the odd one out means you’re unique
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Allie4
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#3
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#3
one persons 'ugly' is another persons 'attractive' and vice versa. most of my former school mates who were deemed 'not attractive' are now happily married. don't stress over it too much. theres so much more to life than fussing over how good looking you are or aren't.
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3121
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#4
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#4
So long as you’re the best version of you, that’s all that matters. Health, confidence and good vibes go a long way.
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PlacidMongoose
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#5
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#5
Hi. I will give you a male perspective. In a few years you will look back and wonder - why did I worry about that? In fact in a few years time its likely that you will not be that close to some or all of your uni friends as time moves on, people move, lives change and friendships fade or end. Sad but true. Now - if these girls are good friends you should keep them as your friend, definitely. Lets say you are the least physically attractive of a group. Thats always going to be the case in a group. Not everyone has the same looks and among the others in your friendship group there will be a gradation of looks among everyone. Unfortunately, looks matter, but they are not the be all and end all. Being a good, loyal, open person is also very attractive, even to horny university boys. At the end of the day most people want to find someone that they can love and who loves them. Now, will some boys talk to you cos they want to get close to one of your friends. Maybe. But that could be happening to any of your friends. Can you meet a guy sho is genuinely interested in you despite your more physically attractive friends. Definitely yes. Just look around at society - there plenty of Plane Janes with beautiful friends who have very nice boyfriends. Life is unfair and full of betrayal and sorrow but the answer is not to fall into your head and worry about things that you can't control. Get out there and join lots of groups, meet lots of people,look for good decent guys. Take your focus away from yourself and put it into being a good citizen, friend and family member and you will flourish. There are no garauntees in life - many beautiful women are unhappy and many planer women are happy. You might end up being unlucky in love but you need to give yourself a fighting chance and not just defeat yourself. Sorry this is full of cliches but I think its true. Please dont worry about your looks - its just pointless wasted energy - there are plenty of good men out there leaning out for love. All the best sister, keep on fighting 😊
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Ray_Shadows
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#6
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#6
get over it , there's more to life than boys noticing you
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sinfonietta
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#7
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#7
None of your poll options are suitable long-term options. They all involve escaping or ignoring the problem when really your best option would be to tackle it head and to improve how you feel about yourself.

A few Qs:
Is there something you particularly dislike about your appearance?
What are the things you like best about your appearance?
What is it about your friends that makes you think they are more attractive than you are?
If you were to take the male attention they receive out of the equation do you think you'd still feel this way?
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Diego Costa
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Allie4)
one persons 'ugly' is another persons 'attractive' and vice versa. most of my former school mates who were deemed 'not attractive' are now happily married. don't stress over it too much. theres so much more to life than fussing over how good looking you are or aren't.
I get the point that some have preferences, but to claim most aspects of beauty are universal.
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Analyst89
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#9
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#9
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, someone will find you attractive.

Be confident in yourself, smile, be happy, take care of yourself, treat yourself well. Hold yourself high and be proud of yourself. Let your personality and qualities shine .
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Bang Outta Order
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#10
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#10
(Original post by goggleyed)
Someone will like you for you

Remember being the odd one out means you’re unique
nope! :nopity:
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Isoshu
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#11
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#11
(Original post by PlacidMongoose)
Hi. I will give you a male perspective. In a few years you will look back and wonder - why did I worry about that? In fact in a few years time its likely that you will not be that close to some or all of your uni friends as time moves on, people move, lives change and friendships fade or end. Sad but true. Now - if these girls are good friends you should keep them as your friend, definitely. Lets say you are the least physically attractive of a group. Thats always going to be the case in a group. Not everyone has the same looks and among the others in your friendship group there will be a gradation of looks among everyone. Unfortunately, looks matter, but they are not the be all and end all. Being a good, loyal, open person is also very attractive, even to horny university boys. At the end of the day most people want to find someone that they can love and who loves them. Now, will some boys talk to you cos they want to get close to one of your friends. Maybe. But that could be happening to any of your friends. Can you meet a guy sho is genuinely interested in you despite your more physically attractive friends. Definitely yes. Just look around at society - there plenty of Plane Janes with beautiful friends who have very nice boyfriends. Life is unfair and full of betrayal and sorrow but the answer is not to fall into your head and worry about things that you can't control. Get out there and join lots of groups, meet lots of people,look for good decent guys. Take your focus away from yourself and put it into being a good citizen, friend and family member and you will flourish. There are no garauntees in life - many beautiful women are unhappy and many planer women are happy. You might end up being unlucky in love but you need to give yourself a fighting chance and not just defeat yourself. Sorry this is full of cliches but I think its true. Please dont worry about your looks - its just pointless wasted energy - there are plenty of good men out there leaning out for love. All the best sister, keep on fighting 😊
This is very sweet and encouraging 😍🥰
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Isoshu
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#12
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#12
(Original post by account8037)
I wanted to start an open chat about being the ugly one/DUFF of a friendship group. I personally have really struggled recently with coming to terms with this concept because i know for a fact i am this person in my friendship group. Especially because all my friends are super pretty girls and all the boys would definitely go for them. It’s been really hard as i’ve been stuck in my own head a lot lately and just feel stuck in a position where i can’t move past it and it’s making me really upset but i never show it to my friends because it’s such a stupid reason to be upset- plus i don’t think they’d ever understand because they will never be the unattractive ones in our group. It’s hard for me to hear them all complain about two boys liking them at the same time or constantly hearing “oh he’s flirting with me” or “it’s not like that”. I understand everyone has insecurities and flaws they don’t like about themselves but i am generally quite an outgoing person, however i’ve just been inside my own head a lot and i’m really am not happy with the way i’m feeling about things. If anyone has experiences and advice please comment as i’d like to start an open chat about this.
I can definitely understand ! Im the only one being big and not having their model type of body, and they have either had a bf or constantly being chased by some guys, and Im more of a brother type of person to guys. My friends won’t say something like what u said ur friends said, they are rather supportive and always emphasis that inner beauty is more important, but I still feel bad and self conscious about myself. And sometimes I just got mad that why are guys all so shallow to always go after a pretty good looking skinny girls and treat the people like us differently. (There are still nice and good ones, I am lucky to have met plenty of them ).

Altho I am still not confident on myself but I try to think another way round which is that, if a guy loves u for who u are, ur intelligence, ur good heart good personalities all those characters of u, instead of ur pretty face and hot body, it is really a high chance u have met ur true love. While if a guy chose u because u are pretty and hot, then u might be constantly care about your appearance thinking it’s the key of your relationship.

So, love yourself. (Say to u and me )
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Crazy4Creativity
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#13
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#13
I know this is weird and although I've never seen you, I think you're absolutely beautiful. It's not really about your outward appearance really, it's about how you define yourself as a person. Be yourself, whether you're absolutely mental (like myself) or an introvert, extrovert whatever you are. Just be that. Spend your life being awesome and simply rocking it. I mean who cares what other people think of you. Be confident in yourself and LOVE yourself (obviously don't be self-centered). Flaws are AWESOME!! I have loads, I swear I can be a president for flaws but it's not about me. Flaws are what makes you perfect (it doesn't make sense but it kind of does in a way...). So yeah. You're unique!

From the master of third wheeling (loool not funny at all)
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chooseanother
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#14
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#14
I have experience feeling like this. My friends are all so conveniently beautiful and I never used to feel like I was. Comparing ourselves to others never does anything good. Try to think more about the good things about yourself, you're outgoing and you have your own individual quirks and talents.

Male validation will never truly give you the fulfilment you crave, because most men tend to focus on looks. Appearances change over time, but I'm sure you'll find a partner one day who loves you for being you. They'll end up loving things about you that you've always hated, just stay hopeful.
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I'mComingOxford
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#15
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#15
you can't be the ugly ones if you find uglier people.
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Zarek
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#16
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#16
I would vote for options 1,2 & 4. I think unless you are in the well above average attractiveness set (which most of us are not) you have to contend with friends having more dating success than yourself. This is not to say that it is not quite often soul destroying but I do believe with that with the right attitude everyone finds success. Attractiveness is about looks and personality and you can play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses with both. Keep at it.
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Theuglybox
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#17
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#17
I know how you feel. My friends are all way more attractive than me. Then again, everyone is way more attractive than me.
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Crazy4Creativity
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Theuglybox)
I know how you feel. My friends are all way more attractive than me. Then again, everyone is way more attractive than me.
That ain't true. You are pretty
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Theuglybox
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Crazy4Creativity)
That ain't true. You are pretty
You don’t know what I look like.
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Crazy4Creativity
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Theuglybox)
You don’t know what I look like.
Even if I don't know I believe that you are and you are awesome and smart and probably nice and all good qualities. I have terrible flaws but that doesn't stop me or you either
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