im 21 and forced
hello
i am 21 yrs old with my own job and im saving up for my house, will be moving soon. my problem is that my parents force me to go to church and do not allow me to get tattoos or piercings. i also have to ask permission to go out with friends and not allowed to go to bars. my curfew is 9pm.
i am aware i am under their roof so follow their instructions because i don't want to disappoint or disrespect my parents. i am afraid they will kick me out/yell at me and they have threatened to do this. i do like living somewhere rent free, it gives me a chance to save money and to move out eventually.
although i would like to have a bit more freedom.
so what should i do?
i am 21 yrs old with my own job and im saving up for my house, will be moving soon. my problem is that my parents force me to go to church and do not allow me to get tattoos or piercings. i also have to ask permission to go out with friends and not allowed to go to bars. my curfew is 9pm.
i am aware i am under their roof so follow their instructions because i don't want to disappoint or disrespect my parents. i am afraid they will kick me out/yell at me and they have threatened to do this. i do like living somewhere rent free, it gives me a chance to save money and to move out eventually.
although i would like to have a bit more freedom.
so what should i do?
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following your parents' rules when you live with them during adulthood should extend as far as keeping the house clean and orderly, turning up for dinner on time and being a good tennant, not being dragged to church or prevented from getting tattoes
if you want you parents to treat you like an adult, make sure you treat them as good parents for letting you stay then make your demands respectfully
if you want you parents to treat you like an adult, make sure you treat them as good parents for letting you stay then make your demands respectfully
You haven't really got many options
1. Sit down and discuss your concerns with them
2. Offer to pay some rent and in return they allow you to do what you want, and if they won't allow 100% see if they'll meet in the middle
3. Move out
4. Continue to live the same way
But all the time you live under their roof you want to maintain a good relationship with them but being 21, I dont see that they should be preventing you getting tattoos, forcing you to church or preventing you socialising at night especially with a curfew of 9PM
1. Sit down and discuss your concerns with them
2. Offer to pay some rent and in return they allow you to do what you want, and if they won't allow 100% see if they'll meet in the middle
3. Move out
4. Continue to live the same way
But all the time you live under their roof you want to maintain a good relationship with them but being 21, I dont see that they should be preventing you getting tattoos, forcing you to church or preventing you socialising at night especially with a curfew of 9PM
Move out if you can. 21 is too old to be living with parents in any case
lol i have just graduated and got my job what are u talking about
Original post by Anonymous
lol i have just graduated and got my job what are u talking about
Pretty much everyone I know irl moved out at 18, 19 tops. Unless you live in London of course, nobody can be expected to pay those ridiculous rent prices
did they move out for university ??
Original post by Anonymous
did they move out for university ??
Some of them, yes, some of them just got a full time job, had saved up a deposit and already had bought their own property
having a £45k deposit for their house is very good.
Original post by Anonymous
having a £45k deposit for their house is very good.
I don’t think it was quite that much tbf, we’re talking northern prices here
you can get a two bed for 30K up here if you don’t mind living in a ****ty areaahh, well i dont live up north and dont want to live in a ****ty area.
Your parents sound like controlling religious traditionalists, my mother's ultra traditionalist catholic family behaved in this way.
Obedience is the price that they demand in exchange for free accommodation, affection and regular interaction.
If you can't bear to live by your parents strictly enforced rulebook and comply with their chosen lifestyle- your only real choice is to find another place to live.
That's what I did, left before a level results were out and I will never go back to my parents home.
Over the last six years, I've moved all over London.
Rented with student flatmates, house-shared with professionals & pets, been a property guardian and now live alone.
It is expensive and the costs of living are high.
But I value my freedom, peace and privacy.
Obedience is the price that they demand in exchange for free accommodation, affection and regular interaction.
If you can't bear to live by your parents strictly enforced rulebook and comply with their chosen lifestyle- your only real choice is to find another place to live.
That's what I did, left before a level results were out and I will never go back to my parents home.
Over the last six years, I've moved all over London.
Rented with student flatmates, house-shared with professionals & pets, been a property guardian and now live alone.
It is expensive and the costs of living are high.
But I value my freedom, peace and privacy.
Original post by Fermion.
I beg to differ 
some of us are still studying at that age and can’t afford to move out at 18. It’s not too old at all.
some of us are still studying at that age and can’t afford to move out at 18. It’s not too old at all.Unless you live in London it isn’t that expensive if you house/ flat share. I moved out when I was 19 and I’m very glad I did
It is quite similar in London.
Rent is expensive and London living costs are high.
But living with parents tends not to be viewed as a viable or palatable option.
Except for 18-19 year olds who are religious, from culturally traditionalist backgrounds or unable to find regular employment.
Rent is expensive and London living costs are high.
But living with parents tends not to be viewed as a viable or palatable option.
Except for 18-19 year olds who are religious, from culturally traditionalist backgrounds or unable to find regular employment.
Original post by londonmyst
It is quite similar in London.
Rent is expensive and London living costs are high.
But living with parents tends not to be viewed as a viable or palatable option.
Except for 18-19 year olds who are religious, from culturally traditionalist backgrounds or unable to find regular employment.
Rent is expensive and London living costs are high.
But living with parents tends not to be viewed as a viable or palatable option.
Except for 18-19 year olds who are religious, from culturally traditionalist backgrounds or unable to find regular employment.
Certainly wasn’t for me, I’d rather live in a homeless shelter than go back to dealing and living with my narcissistic, alcoholic, emotionally and physically abusive excuse of a mother. Trying to get good grades is hard enough without having your main parent actively try and undermine your efforts and celebrate when you achieve less than your full potential
On a separate note, I have no idea how you manage in London, all credit to you
Original post by londonmyst
Your parents sound like controlling religious traditionalists, my mother's ultra traditionalist catholic family behaved in this way.
Obedience is the price that they demand in exchange for free accommodation, affection and regular interaction.
If you can't bear to live by your parents strictly enforced rulebook and comply with their chosen lifestyle- your only real choice is to find another place to live.
That's what I did, left before a level results were out and I will never go back to my parents home.
Over the last six years, I've moved all over London.
Rented with student flatmates, house-shared with professionals & pets, been a property guardian and now live alone.
It is expensive and the costs of living are high.
But I value my freedom, peace and privacy.
Obedience is the price that they demand in exchange for free accommodation, affection and regular interaction.
If you can't bear to live by your parents strictly enforced rulebook and comply with their chosen lifestyle- your only real choice is to find another place to live.
That's what I did, left before a level results were out and I will never go back to my parents home.
Over the last six years, I've moved all over London.
Rented with student flatmates, house-shared with professionals & pets, been a property guardian and now live alone.
It is expensive and the costs of living are high.
But I value my freedom, peace and privacy.
hi, how exactly did you move out? summer job and living frugally for example?
i can relate to the force of religion, what were some of the rules that were forced on you in regards to religion?
Original post by Anonymous
hi, how exactly did you move out? summer job and living frugally for example?
i can relate to the force of religion, what were some of the rules that were forced on you in regards to religion?
i can relate to the force of religion, what were some of the rules that were forced on you in regards to religion?
My mother swiped my life savings when I was 18, then told me I would not be allowed a student loan or to move out for uni and charged rent for my bedroom.
I left with a small amount of cash and as many of my things as I could carry with me.
Turned up at my boyfriend's apartment, he was happy for me to move in and I used his address for ucas & student finance.
My mother's family were ultra traditionalist catholics who rejected vatican ii.
My mother is in the habit of appeasing religious hardliners of various backgrounds and makes a habit of collecting all types of religious cranks.
My grandmother is a toxic religious fanatic in her 80s who really enjoys spewing the most vile of bible verses.
Her favourite hobbies are terrifying people with nonsense about the hell, sin, the devil, his wife and their large family of human sinners.
My grandmother has a very long list of things and people she considers evil: all alcohol except wine, atheists, catholics who don't go to church at least three times a week/disagree with her about anything, divorced people, electricity, protestants, the telephone, all other religions, yoga, painkillers, vaccinations, secular sweets, takeaways, palm reading and widowed spouses who remarry.
You can probably guess her attitude towards children with unmarried parents and the LGBT community.
Original post by Fermion.
I beg to differ some of us are still studying at that age and can’t afford to move out at 18. It’s not too old at all.
some of us are still studying at that age and can’t afford to move out at 18. It’s not too old at all.There's no real 'too old' age to leave home if your parents still want you there. Young people are super obsessed with independence and being 'cool' away from their parents, but you get older and see that we're a pretty trash culture in terms of family, and this obsession contributes to why we have so many homeless and depressed people with no family networks to help them and scores of old folks who were good parents now sitting alone in a home waiting for death.
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