Does yes always mean consent

It is rape because yes you gave your consent but you only gave it reluctantly and under pressure which means that you have not been given the free will to make your decisions. Your boyfriend is so controlling and mysogynistic because he is basically treating you like a sex toy. You actually need to leave him to prevent yourself from being used and abused like that.

That was barely consent, if consent at all.
Im really sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves that.
Do you feel comfortable getting professional help? If you are, that can really help a lot and I would highly suggest it.

I wouldn’t know where to start, it’s been a whole year since I last saw him, so I feel like I should be over it by now

I WAS in a long term relationship with someone that I thought I trusted. Some Times I wouldn’t feel like having sex but if he wanted to, he would get angry and tell me if I loved him then I wouldn’t say no and it wasn’t normal for someone to say no all the time. So I’d eventually say yes, to stop him being mad at me. I would cry whilst he did it and just lie there, I never pushed him off or told him no because I knew it was a easier option to just let him do it. It happened multiple times throughout the relationship, but it’s only now effecting me. I know it’s not rape because I always gave consent. But why is it making me feel so disgusting, even a year later?