Boyfriend doesn’t seem to get I can’t always answer my phone when I am doing uni work

Hi ,

Having a few issues with my boyfriend and the amount he wants to call and how he gets when I don’t answer the phone. He works 9-5 and I am at uni. When we first started going out a year ago we would message in the day and have one call at night. However since then uni work has Step up and I often don’t get chance to reply until 3 hours later . I try not to have my phone as get distracted easily.

He wants to call on his lunch break for a 5-10 mins. He will often say will call at 12 in a morning and then it’s 1. But then when I don’t answer or do answer and say I can’t talk for long 1/2 mins because I am on a live lecture. He gets all pissy.

Then he always calls me after he’s done work . Sometimes I am ok lectures or I am deep in study on calls etc. It’s not like he calls once and leaves it for a bit. He will call 10 or more times one after the other . Then message and he will try social media e.g. Facebook. I have my laptop connect to my phone so it only gets calls coming through. So like if I am studying and my mum need me in an emergency I know my phones ringing . But it’s bringing up my BF calls. He gets really grumpy if I say I can’t speak right now on a lecture etc . So I tend to ignore him and his constant messages.

He also doesn’t like how I stop doing work to have tea when it’s ready cooked by mum. But don’t ring him back to after.

It’s not like I don’t want to speak to him but he doesn’t get I will ring him when I can. What should I do ! I have tried to explain to him .

Reply 1

candydiva

Insecure demanding and potentially controlling behavior by him.

U have a sensible and mature approach to ur studies and will be successful. I can already tell coz u r specific about how u handle ur phone during study. It means U R IN CHARGE of ur phone/msgs and they are not in charge of u... for him it is the other way around.

U must understand this rel will not last coz it's not about the msg or phone the conflict stems from a fundamentally different understanding of what it means to be in a rel and what personal boundaries/ownership can be.

And be careful with males who have this habit. It's a stage-one red flag that often leads to escalations.