Is mine and my boyfriend's relationship toxic?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
We've been together for 7-8 months and have seen each other everyday (basically live with eachother).
When we're good, we are good and I'm genuinely so happy with him. I'm so comfortable with him, I know he'd never cheat, he's always happy to see me and spend time with me, always supportive. But here's the thing... we argue a lot.
We argue probably at least once a week now, and it always results in him leaving my flat, us deleting eachother off everything, me calling him the next day trying to sort things out, and us eventually getting 'back together again'.
It's over little things but a lot of things are to do with him: he'll make up little lies about things that don't actually matter e.g his past, he'd never help out in my flat we both stay in (in regards to cooking or washing), him getting too f**ked when partying and when we argued he came to my flat started banging my bedroom door at 4am and waking up me and my flatmates AND then broke my front door (I forgave him and put this down to just being very drunk/c*ked up and upset), he knows I have a problem with him taking xanax (unless its occasionally and not when I'm around) but he has taken it secretly in the past which leads to me to sometimes not trust that he hasn't taken it etc. But I also have flaws e.g a massive temper so when I'm angry with him I tend to call him names and be overemotional.
Yesterday we had a argument because I realised he was hiding from his friends that we were together. I saw messages of him saying that "He had spoke to me but had spent this week doing his own thing and hasn't seen me. This whole week he has been spending every day with me - which was his idea and choice, not mine. We argued and the same thing happened: he left (in his defence, the more he kept saying he wanted to leave, the more I started to tell him to just get out)
He ignored my texts and calls today so I went to his house because I wanted to speak and sort it out. He said his friends think we broke up last time we argued and said he is better off without me and that's why he's hiding me. I'm confused that's a thing as some of my friends disapprove of him (especially because he did break our front door) but I don't hide him from people.
I was crying in his room and he didn't really comfort me, kind of just watched. He sounded really done and fed up, the opposite of me. He said he wants to be with me but doesn't know if it's going to work because we keep arguing. He says he knows it's his fault. I said to give it time and I will message him in a few days, but I was crying loads at his and now I've gone home he hasn't sent me anything.

Here's the deal: I don't want to waste time and give myself false hope and I don't want to message him in a few days if this relationship is toxic and there's no hope of saving it. Or if I'm crazy for wanting to save it. Opinions?
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amalack14
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#2
Report 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We've been together for 7-8 months and have seen each other everyday (basically live with eachother).
When we're good, we are good and I'm genuinely so happy with him. I'm so comfortable with him, I know he'd never cheat, he's always happy to see me and spend time with me, always supportive. But here's the thing... we argue a lot.
We argue probably at least once a week now, and it always results in him leaving my flat, us deleting eachother off everything, me calling him the next day trying to sort things out, and us eventually getting 'back together again'.
It's over little things but a lot of things are to do with him: he'll make up little lies about things that don't actually matter e.g his past, he'd never help out in my flat we both stay in (in regards to cooking or washing), him getting too f**ked when partying and when we argued he came to my flat started banging my bedroom door at 4am and waking up me and my flatmates AND then broke my front door (I forgave him and put this down to just being very drunk/c*ked up and upset), he knows I have a problem with him taking xanax (unless its occasionally and not when I'm around) but he has taken it secretly in the past which leads to me to sometimes not trust that he hasn't taken it etc. But I also have flaws e.g a massive temper so when I'm angry with him I tend to call him names and be overemotional.
Yesterday we had a argument because I realised he was hiding from his friends that we were together. I saw messages of him saying that "He had spoke to me but had spent this week doing his own thing and hasn't seen me. This whole week he has been spending every day with me - which was his idea and choice, not mine. We argued and the same thing happened: he left (in his defence, the more he kept saying he wanted to leave, the more I started to tell him to just get out)
He ignored my texts and calls today so I went to his house because I wanted to speak and sort it out. He said his friends think we broke up last time we argued and said he is better off without me and that's why he's hiding me. I'm confused that's a thing as some of my friends disapprove of him (especially because he did break our front door) but I don't hide him from people.
I was crying in his room and he didn't really comfort me, kind of just watched. He sounded really done and fed up, the opposite of me. He said he wants to be with me but doesn't know if it's going to work because we keep arguing. He says he knows it's his fault. I said to give it time and I will message him in a few days, but I was crying loads at his and now I've gone home he hasn't sent me anything.

Here's the deal: I don't want to waste time and give myself false hope and I don't want to message him in a few days if this relationship is toxic and there's no hope of saving it. Or if I'm crazy for wanting to save it. Opinions?
Firstly, you can’t say you have flaws when you get “over emotional” and call him names, literally EVERYONE does that it’s normal, not necessarily nice but we’ve all done it. Secondly, I personally think that your relationship is toxic not trying to be rude but the way he is there’s no point being with him. I know it’ll probably hurt, but you deserve so so so much better and hopefully in sometime you’ll look back like i’m glad that ended bc now i know my worth. I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting to save it, you’re in love. Also if i’m going to be 100% honest he’s an absolute tw*t and there’s no other way i can describe him. I hope this helps I’m not very good at writing but I dunno good luck
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RacerBoy
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Sorry to hear about it. You can easily catch your boyfriend cheating if you want by using a simple app which I usually do. This guide will help you how to catch your boyfriend cheating visit here www.minspy.com/catch-cheater/how-to-catch-your-boyfriend-cheating/. Much interesting app so far. You should try!
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
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To look at things from the other side, is there anything good about staying with him? To me it sounds like the relationship just makes you both feel bad. I know you said it's good sometimes, but does the good outweigh the bad? Is the affection worth the stress and anxiety you have described to us? Do you need his support and company to be happy, or can you be just as supported and loved by your friends/family? Or even, do you need to be dating in order to be happy together? Could you be just as happy if you were just friends? Maybe you work better as distant friends rather than intimate partners. If you're happier without him than with him, I think the relationship should end. Regardless, in the immediate short term I think you should try to put some distance between you guys - at the very least - to let you both clearly think about what's best for the two of you. It could serve as a good test for you to take a break from him for a few weeks or something and see if you feel happier without him.
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Anonymous #3
#5
Report 1 month ago
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(Original post by RacerBoy)
Sorry to hear about it. You can easily catch your boyfriend cheating if you want by using a simple app which I usually do. This guide will help you how to catch your boyfriend cheating visit here www.minspy.com/catch-cheater/how-to-catch-your-boyfriend-cheating/. Much interesting app so far. You should try!
Don’t ****ing do this lol, you’ll start driving yourself crazy over it and if you get caught you’ll be labeled as crazy and horrible

That’s bc you would be, stalking your partner isn’t right just break up with em if you wanna - how would you feel about your location, messages photos snd calls were being monitored without your knowledge?

Sorry to say anyway that aside, your relationship sounds super toxic and it probably is beyond healing - I had a long relationship like yours and it was a year and a half after the 6 month point we argued all the time
The arguments got worse with time and overall it was a waste of time and we now hate eachother - compared to other relationships of mine where we are still friendly and left before it got too bad

Just call it quits, life is for enjoying and it’s a waste sitting around arguing all the time!
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