strict parents

my best friend has incredibly strict parents. they won't even let her go to the park which is a 10 minute walk. they won't let her take public transport to school. they don't even want her to be friends with me because i wore a crop top once (they are muslim).

the thing is we are literally both 18. i want to go out with her and have fun, but i can't. i feel really bad for her but i don't know what to do. she's the type of girl to listen to her parents even if she doesn't want to. i can't exactly tell her "you need to stop listening to your parents and walk out". i used to have very very strict parents like her, until i started rebelling and they stopped caring. but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence. so i have no idea what to do.

she complains about how *****y her life is, and her strict parents, but she never actually stands up to them. it's the point that it kind of annoys me. especially since she's literally an adult.

she wants to move out for uni but her parents won't allow it, so she applied to a nearby uni. she was really excited about moving out because she can get some freedom, so i feel soo bad. her parents tell her that she won't get any freedom till she's married (which will be arranged marraige). like i said many times, i feel so sad for her. but i have no idea what to do. she won't stand up for herself, so idk if i should just leave it, even tho i don't want to. her parents are not physically abusive by any means, but idk. any advice would be appreciated

Nothing you can do.

my best friend has incredibly strict parents. they won't even let her go to the park which is a 10 minute walk. they won't let her take public transport to school. they don't even want her to be friends with me because i wore a crop top once (they are muslim).

the thing is we are literally both 18. i want to go out with her and have fun, but i can't. i feel really bad for her but i don't know what to do. she's the type of girl to listen to her parents even if she doesn't want to. i can't exactly tell her "you need to stop listening to your parents and walk out". i used to have very very strict parents like her, until i started rebelling and they stopped caring. but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence. so i have no idea what to do.

she complains about how *****y her life is, and her strict parents, but she never actually stands up to them. it's the point that it kind of annoys me. especially since she's literally an adult.

she wants to move out for uni but her parents won't allow it, so she applied to a nearby uni. she was really excited about moving out because she can get some freedom, so i feel soo bad. her parents tell her that she won't get any freedom till she's married (which will be arranged marraige). like i said many times, i feel so sad for her. but i have no idea what to do. she won't stand up for herself, so idk if i should just leave it, even tho i don't want to. her parents are not physically abusive by any means, but idk. any advice would be appreciated

1) what do you mean they won't even let her go to the park. is it as simple as they say no full stop or is there reasoning. maybe she's living in a neighbourhood full of gangs drugs etc. The thing with parents (especially asian parents so not just muslim parents) is that they can be overprotective of their children especially girls because I mean look at the world all sorts of stuff is happening. they simply don't feel safe letting their children go out alone or with people they simply do not trust.
2) if she is 18 and is complaining about her strict parents I think she is old enough to stand up for herself and speak to her parents in a respectful manner by having a clear conversation face to face without hesitation.
3) Even my parents are hesitant about me moving out because of family issues like my brother married a girl and got her pregnant so there are always family issues and maybe your friends has not told you about. We always have to look at the other side of the story (in this case maybe think about what the parents are thinking/ dealing with)

I really appreciate you saying: 'but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence' because you are 100% right here. There is no need for you to get involved fully or you know make your friend feel worse about her situation because that could affect her whole family and her massively. As a friend I recommend that you are just there for her as a person she can talk to and a person she can rely on for support. And by support I mean giving her hope.

These are my thoughts, please do not get offended or hurt by any of what I have said. I hope this gives you another perspective of how to look at things. Honestly over the years all I have learnt is that you just have to be optimistic and in the end all will settle with time.

If anything has upset you I apologise in advance.

my best friend has incredibly strict parents. they won't even let her go to the park which is a 10 minute walk. they won't let her take public transport to school. they don't even want her to be friends with me because i wore a crop top once (they are muslim).

the thing is we are literally both 18. i want to go out with her and have fun, but i can't. i feel really bad for her but i don't know what to do. she's the type of girl to listen to her parents even if she doesn't want to. i can't exactly tell her "you need to stop listening to your parents and walk out". i used to have very very strict parents like her, until i started rebelling and they stopped caring. but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence. so i have no idea what to do.

she complains about how *****y her life is, and her strict parents, but she never actually stands up to them. it's the point that it kind of annoys me. especially since she's literally an adult.

she wants to move out for uni but her parents won't allow it, so she applied to a nearby uni. she was really excited about moving out because she can get some freedom, so i feel soo bad. her parents tell her that she won't get any freedom till she's married (which will be arranged marraige). like i said many times, i feel so sad for her. but i have no idea what to do. she won't stand up for herself, so idk if i should just leave it, even tho i don't want to. her parents are not physically abusive by any means, but idk. any advice would be appreciated

my best friend has incredibly strict parents. they won't even let her go to the park which is a 10 minute walk. they won't let her take public transport to school. they don't even want her to be friends with me because i wore a crop top once (they are muslim).

the thing is we are literally both 18. i want to go out with her and have fun, but i can't. i feel really bad for her but i don't know what to do. she's the type of girl to listen to her parents even if she doesn't want to. i can't exactly tell her "you need to stop listening to your parents and walk out". i used to have very very strict parents like her, until i started rebelling and they stopped caring. but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence. so i have no idea what to do.

she complains about how *****y her life is, and her strict parents, but she never actually stands up to them. it's the point that it kind of annoys me. especially since she's literally an adult.

she wants to move out for uni but her parents won't allow it, so she applied to a nearby uni. she was really excited about moving out because she can get some freedom, so i feel soo bad. her parents tell her that she won't get any freedom till she's married (which will be arranged marraige). like i said many times, i feel so sad for her. but i have no idea what to do. she won't stand up for herself, so idk if i should just leave it, even tho i don't want to. her parents are not physically abusive by any means, but idk. any advice would be appreciated

1) what do you mean they won't even let her go to the park. is it as simple as they say no full stop or is there reasoning. maybe she's living in a neighbourhood full of gangs drugs etc. The thing with parents (especially asian parents so not just muslim parents) is that they can be overprotective of their children especially girls because I mean look at the world all sorts of stuff is happening. they simply don't feel safe letting their children go out alone or with people they simply do not trust.
2) if she is 18 and is complaining about her strict parents I think she is old enough to stand up for herself and speak to her parents in a respectful manner by having a clear conversation face to face without hesitation.
3) Even my parents are hesitant about me moving out because of family issues like my brother married a girl and got her pregnant so there are always family issues and maybe your friends has not told you about. We always have to look at the other side of the story (in this case maybe think about what the parents are thinking/ dealing with)

I really appreciate you saying: 'but i can't tell her to start rebelling, because that will just make a bad influence' because you are 100% right here. There is no need for you to get involved fully or you know make your friend feel worse about her situation because that could affect her whole family and her massively. As a friend I recommend that you are just there for her as a person she can talk to and a person she can rely on for support. And by support I mean giving her hope.

These are my thoughts, please do not get offended or hurt by any of what I have said. I hope this gives you another perspective of how to look at things. Honestly over the years all I have learnt is that you just have to be optimistic and in the end all will settle with time.

If anything has upset you I apologise in advance.

I feel you on your friend. Instead of rebelling although it is an option you have to build trust. So like you said she can’t go to the park which is only 10 minutes away maybe try going with her mum or something, not for the entire time you’re there but go there and then spend some time together and then you two be alone together for a small while but in sight, come back and she has to be enthusiastic and happy so her parents know she thoroughly enjoyed it. Then slowly step by step keep going like that and then once you’re okay with that, the trust should start building. Then you can start going and spending a bit longer with each other, eventually her parents should be able to trust her and you which will help with their fear of her turning out to be ‘bad’ which she probably isn’t. Do something similar with taking the public transport to school.
It’s not easy, being 18 doesn’t have any effect on strict parents, neither can you ‘stand up’ to them, they have a lot of control and probably would guilt trip her or threaten her or get the wrong idea if she ‘stood up’.
The whole “you can’t have freedom until you’re married” is common in a lot of Muslim households and girls especially are heavily controlled, can’t have any fun (obviously considering it’s halal), it’s entirely cultural and shows that her parents project their irrational fears on to her (high chance they emphasise reputation too). We spend a lot of time fighting for doing basic human things and it’s exhausting but your friend shouldn’t just give up and ‘wait till marriage’. Marriage already gives other responsibilities and god forbid your husband is just as strict and controlling as your parents, that’s just not the intention of marriage and it’s NOT an escape.

1) what i meant is that her parents never let her leave the house. i said her parents won't even let her go to the local park, it's literally the safest/closest place she could go but she's still not allowed. i was just showing how ridiculous it is, and our area is relatively safe. i'm also asian so i definitely understand, but just because the world is not safe doesn't mean parents should lock their daughters in their house.
2) i 100% agree. which is why i don't understand why she doesn't. i guess it's because she's is quite introverted and doesn't like to get into arguments/fights. she's also very dependent on her parents, so she's probably scared to say anything.
3) her parents let both of her brothers move out. they can also come home at anytime even at midnight. it's 2021 and these double standards are ridiculous and not right.

thank you for your advice though. i just want to help her but i have no idea why. i guess the most i can do is just be there for her rn.

it just makes me feel like **** cuz its basically abuse