I want to have children but not be married.

Original post by Evan2002

I am 19 years old and my brother is 15. Our parents aren’t married but are still together. Personally, I want to have kids in the future but not be married. Yet, I do want to be in a longtime relationship with a woman. What criticism will I get for this? And is it okay for a man to think about children before marriage when it comes to thinking about a future or am I unreasonable?

3/6 of my friends have parents who are together but not married. It's very common!

Reply 21

Evan2002

OP

8

Original post by londonmyst

That's fine. :smile:

I'm a 26 year old female with a very similar attitude.
I'll be going down the ivf coparenting route and probably won't get married.

It is important to be totally honest with potential dates and coparents to ensure that you have compatible ambitions & lifestyle preferences.
Best to avoid getting closely involved with those girls who prefer to wait until marriage or come from a socially conservative background and have plans for an expensive engagement party/fancy wedding.
Good luck!

Okay thanks for the advice. I was thinking of having a child naturally though. But still be in a full time relationship.

Reply 22

Evan2002

OP

8

Original post by LexiLoo2

Many people do exactly that - have children and not get married.

That said, I don't see why you need to make this decision now i.e. in advance of meeting someone. You don't know how you'll feel once you meet someone (the right someone).

I’m probably just worrying about nothing tbh. It’s just I listen to all these cynics and I get worried about being on the wrong end of one.

Reply 23

Evan2002

OP

8

Original post by burberry_butter

No ofc, I am fully aware of this, but OP, didn't seem like that's what he meant, and put greater emphasis on the kids part, and seemed like he isn't in a relationship rn. But ofc to freely co-parent a child conceived naturally is v common too in this day and age.

By co-parent, do you mean just have joint custody of a child and aren’t together. Or do you mean it as I was thinking about where you are together as partners just not married?

Reply 24

anosmianAcrimony

20

My aunt and uncle are not married, have two kids, and are one of the happiest families I know. Go for it! (But since you're 19 maybe not anytime soon; maybe wait a while and get stable and well-established first...)

Reply 25

Evan2002

OP

8

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

My aunt and uncle are not married, have two kids, and are one of the happiest families I know. Go for it! (But since you're 19 maybe not anytime soon; maybe wait a while and get stable and well-established first...)

Yeah definitely, I’ve never even had a girlfriend anyway.

Reply 26

LexiLoo2

10

Original post by Evan2002

I’m probably just worrying about nothing tbh. It’s just I listen to all these cynics and I get worried about being on the wrong end of one.

I can understand. Cheating and divorce (for all sorts of reasons) is really common these days - it's scary!

Just don't rush into anything, I certainly won't be :smile:

Focus on finding someone you want to spend time with, the rest is secondary to that. There's no point settling with someone that's happy not to get married but isn't suited to you.