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    (Original post by BigScouser)
    It's a very long story. I'll try and fill you in on it sometime.
    Please do.
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    A girl who wants to meet guys and who is decent looking, has it fairly easy. You just have to make guys understand that you're approachable when you're out.


    It doesn't have to be on a night out, but just in your everyday life, say a few words to a guy you see and you like the look of, anything as stupid as what time it is, the directions for some place or ask him if you should buy Romaine or Iceberg lettuce. Seriously, guys don't expect you to make amazing conversation. They're the ones who spend years struggling to perfect the art of making conversation! All they need to know is that you're approachable. YOU (for once) make the first step and the guy will do all the rest of the work.


    Maybe as a natural instinct, a lot of girls are very standoff-ish or rude when approached by guys and trust me, that scares the **** out of guys and is the main reason why they won't approach a lot of girls.


    I know female friends who, when approached by a guy they find attractive will act in an incredibly rude and cold way and when I ask them why they just did that, they say they're not even sure. It's just a habit.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    A girl who wants to meet guys and who is decent looking, has it fairly easy. You just have to make guys understand that you're approachable when you're out.

    It doesn't have to be on a night out, but just in your everyday life, say a few words to a guy you see and you like the look of, anything as stupid as what time it is, the directions for some place or ask him if you should buy Romaine or Iceberg lettuce. Seriously, guys don't expect you to make amazing conversation. They're the ones who spend years struggling to perfect the art of making conversation! All they need to know is that you're approachable. YOU (for once) make the first step and the guy will do all the rest of the work.


    Maybe as a natural instinct, a lot of girls are very standoff-ish or rude when approached by guys and trust me, that scares the **** out of guys and is the main reason why they won't approach a lot of girls.


    I know female friends who, when approached by a guy they find attractive will act in an incredibly rude and cold way and when I ask them why they just did that, they say they're not even sure. It's just a habit.

    Thanks for replying, but again, that wasn't really the answer I was looking for. My problem is not that I'm not getting approached by guys, it's that I don't meet any guys my age.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    Thanks for replying, but again, that wasn't really the answer I was looking for. My problem is not that I'm not getting approached by guys, it's that I don't meet any guys my age.
    I gathered that from your posts but I'm assuming that you are not enclosed within a bubble containing only 18 and 19 year olds and that when you're out and about, 20-somethings are not banned from being any closer than 10m from you.
    When you go out, on campus, when you walk or use public transport, when you go shopping, you see noone your age?
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    I gathered that from your posts but I'm assuming that you are not enclosed within a bubble containing only 18 and 19 year olds and that when you're out and about, 20-somethings are not banned from being any closer than 10m from you.
    When you go out, on campus, when you walk or use public transport, when you go shopping, you see noone your age?
    No, of course not. But it's not like I can walk around wearing a sign saying that I'm looking for 20+ guys. If I see someone in the campus shop looking like he could be my age, I don't see that as a legitimate excuse to chat him up. (But maybe I should! :P)
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    A girl who wants to meet guys and who is decent looking, has it fairly easy. You just have to make guys understand that you're approachable when you're out.


    It doesn't have to be on a night out, but just in your everyday life, say a few words to a guy you see and you like the look of, anything as stupid as what time it is, the directions for some place or ask him if you should buy Romaine or Iceberg lettuce. Seriously, guys don't expect you to make amazing conversation. They're the ones who spend years struggling to perfect the art of making conversation! All they need to know is that you're approachable. YOU (for once) make the first step and the guy will do all the rest of the work.


    Maybe as a natural instinct, a lot of girls are very standoff-ish or rude when approached by guys and trust me, that scares the **** out of guys and is the main reason why they won't approach a lot of girls.


    I know female friends who, when approached by a guy they find attractive will act in an incredibly rude and cold way and when I ask them why they just did that, they say they're not even sure. It's just a habit.
    I dunno about that, I expect women to put as much effort into a conversation as I am putting in or I'll lose interest in them very quickly.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Maybe as a natural instinct, a lot of girls are very standoff-ish or rude when approached by guys and trust me, that scares the **** out of guys and is the main reason why they won't approach a lot of girls.
    I'd think the main reason why girls are stand-offish and rude when approached by guys is because pretty much every time we go out for a fun night out with our friends, we keep getting approached by drunk idiots who won't leave us alone and refuse to take a hint. The rude, stand-offish attitude is something we learn, not because we want to but because we have to.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    No, of course not. But it's not like I can walk around wearing a sign saying that I'm looking for 20+ guys. If I see someone in the campus shop looking like he could be my age, I don't see that as a legitimate excuse to chat him up. (But maybe I should! :P)
    Well that's all I was saying, just maybe be more approachable. The obvious way is to start by saying something.

    If I'm say at a bus stop, the fact that a girl just opens her mouth and says something totally random, automatically triggers a switch in my mind that says she's not an evil ***** that will bite my head off if I say something to her when she's "minding her own business" (for most girls that you see around, that's what you end up assuming)

    It's easier when you're out in a bar or a club though as the social context may make it easier for the guy to feel comfortable chatting with you.

    This is likely due to cultural barriers as well. You appear to be Swedish. My experience of Scandinavia is limited to Denmark but in London I've known quite a few Swedes. From that, I've always had the impression that most of their socialising is done within a group of friends and that you usually don't meet boyfriends/girlfriends randomly but much more through friends. I may be wrong but that's always what I've noticed.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Well that's all I was saying, just maybe be more approachable. The obvious way is to start by saying something.

    If I'm say at a bus stop, the fact that a girl just opens her mouth and says something totally random, automatically triggers a switch in my mind that says she's not an evil ***** that will bite my head off if I say something to her when she's "minding her own business" (for most girls that you see around, that's what you end up assuming)

    It's easier when you're out in a bar or a club though as the social context may make it easier for the guy to feel comfortable chatting with you.

    This is likely due to cultural barriers as well. You appear to be Swedish. My experience of Scandinavia is limited to Denmark but in London I've known quite a few Swedes. From that, I've always had the impression that most of their socialising is done within a group of friends and that you usually don't meet boyfriends/girlfriends randomly but much more through friends. I may be wrong but that's always what I've noticed.
    You're absolutely right about that. You don't approach strangers in Sweden. People who talk to us at the bus stop make us feel very uncomfortable. :o:
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    I'd think the main reason why girls are stand-offish and rude when approached by guys is because pretty much every time we go out for a fun night out with our friends, we keep getting approached by drunk idiots who won't leave us alone and refuse to take a hint. The rude, stand-offish attitude is something we learn, not because we want to but because we have to.
    But that's the danger when assuming that all guys who approach you are the same... Maybe just give them more of a chance and give them a few minutes before you decide that they're not worth your time.

    You have to stroke a balance between making sure that drunk guys after only one thing don't bother you and also that you let decent guys who you might be interested in approach you. If you don't let anyone approach you, then you have nothing to filter out!

    Plus I'm not sure most girls' approach in this area works out anyway, considering the number of female friends I know who fall for the sleazy "smooth operator" who just happens to be looking for only one thing, when they were hoping for a boyfriend.

    (Original post by linda helena)

    You're absolutely right about that. You don't approach strangers in Sweden. People who talk to us at the bus stop make us feel very uncomfortable.
    I guess that's valid to a certain extent pretty much everywhere but there probably is slightly more tolerance to striking up a conversation in public here. Although here in London, there are so many miserable ***** who think they're far too important to have time to chat.

    A bus stop doesn't have to be the only example but just anywhere. If you, as a girl, are available to chat with people, people will chat to you. The guy who makes the move will be more apprehensive as there's the common stereotype of the "creepy guy" at the busstop.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    But that's the danger when assuming that all guys who approach you are the same... Maybe just give them more of a chance and give them a few minutes before you decide that they're not worth your time.
    You have to stroke a balance between making sure that drunk guys after only one thing don't bother you and also that you let decent guys who you might be interested in approach you. If you don't let anyone approach you, then you have nothing to filter out!
    Plus I'm not sure most girls' approach in this area works out anyway, considering the number of female friends I know who fall for the sleazy "smooth operator" who just happens to be looking for only one thing, when they were hoping for a boyfriend.
    The thing is that when we're going out with our friends, we might not be interested in talking to guys at all. It's ok for you to say that we should take a few minutes to talk to a guy and give him a chance, and that would be fine if it could stop there, but usually it doesn't. When we do give a guy a chance, he think he's in and then he will not let us go. It doesn't really matter what you do or what you say to him, he will follow you around for the rest of the night, and that's the thing we want to avoid. It's not that we're so afraid of guys who are looking to get laid, it's just that we want to be left alone.
    Now, I would like to meet a guy so that is of course different.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    The thing is that when we're going out with our friends, we might not be interested in talking to guys at all. It's ok for you to say that we should take a few minutes to talk to a guy and give him a chance, and that would be fine if it could stop there, but usually it doesn't. When we do give a guy a chance, he think he's in and then he will not let us go. It doesn't really matter what you do or what you say to him, he will follow you around for the rest of the night, and that's the thing we want to avoid. It's not that we're so afraid of guys who are looking to get laid, it's just that we want to be left alone.
    Now, I would like to meet a guy so that is of course different.
    Well sorry, you can't have everything!
    If most of the time you want to be left alone, you can't just switch a button on and say "ok, now I don't want to be alone. Where are all the guys gone? "

    If you go out and don't want to meet anyone then indeed, you probably won't meet anyone. Guys will pick up on that.

    I don't believe that you have to reject ALL guys because most are drunk. If you don't actually give them any chance, then you will never develop the skills to actually detect a guy who's drunk and is going to annoy you. I reckon that your reaction to guys that approach you is more about your way of not knowing how to deal with them. You may have to accept a few difficult situations so that you can meet some great guys.

    In any case, it doesn't have to be in bar/club that you have to approach guys.

    Sure, you may meet someone through friends finally but if you want to increase your chances of actually meeting someone, you do have to be more open.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Well sorry, you can't have everything!
    If most of the time you want to be left alone, you can't just switch a button on and say "ok, now I don't want to be alone. Where are all the guys gone? "

    If you go out and don't want to meet anyone then indeed, you probably won't meet anyone. Guys will pick up on that.

    I don't believe that you have to reject ALL guys because most are drunk. If you don't actually give them any chance, then you will never develop the skills to actually detect a guy who's drunk and is going to annoy you. I reckon that your reaction to guys that approach you is more about your way of not knowing how to deal with them. You may have to accept a few difficult situations so that you can meet some great guys.

    In any case, it doesn't have to be in bar/club that you have to approach guys.

    Sure, you may meet someone through friends finally but if you want to increase your chances of actually meeting someone, you do have to be more open.
    I wasn't talking about myself.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    I wasn't talking about myself.
    Well you said "we", as in you want to be alone when going out.

    If you're suggesting now that it's your friends well maybe you can be the one who makes the effort to talk to a guy who approaches you instead of letting your friends make it clear that you want to be left alone?

    There's nothing wrong with chatting and there are millions of ways to make a guy understand that you're not interested. It's stuff that you learn... saying you have to go speak to your friends, go to the toilet, make a call... The mistake is accepting a drink, a dance or a kiss from a guy who you later try to tell you're not interested. Indeed, the further it goes, the more difficult it will be. If you keep it at chatting, then you're not risking that much.

    I sense that your reaction may be more a sign of social shyness rather than a fear of being bugged by guys. If you know how to deal with guys, then what you're saying is less of a problem.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Well you said "we", as in you want to be alone when going out.

    If you're suggesting now that it's your friends well maybe you can be the one who makes the effort to talk to a guy who approaches you instead of letting your friends make it clear that you want to be left alone?

    There's nothing wrong with chatting and there are millions of ways to make a guy understand that you're not interested. It's stuff that you learn... saying you have to go speak to your friends, go to the toilet, make a call... The mistake is accepting a drink, a dance or a kiss from a guy who you later try to tell you're not interested. Indeed, the further it goes, the more difficult it will be. If you keep it at chatting, then you're not risking that much.

    I sense that your reaction may be more a sign of social shyness rather than a fear of being bugged by guys. If you know how to deal with guys, then what you're saying is less of a problem.
    I wasn't talking about my friends either, I was talking about girls and their behaviour.
    Meeting guys in general is not really a problem for me, certainly not in bars. It's just that all the places where I hang out atm are overpopulated by guys a little too young for my liking. But I do talk to them and I think that I'm being very friendly to most of them.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Well you said "we", as in you want to be alone when going out.

    If you're suggesting now that it's your friends well maybe you can be the one who makes the effort to talk to a guy who approaches you instead of letting your friends make it clear that you want to be left alone?

    There's nothing wrong with chatting and there are millions of ways to make a guy understand that you're not interested. It's stuff that you learn... saying you have to go speak to your friends, go to the toilet, make a call... The mistake is accepting a drink, a dance or a kiss from a guy who you later try to tell you're not interested. Indeed, the further it goes, the more difficult it will be. If you keep it at chatting, then you're not risking that much.

    I sense that your reaction may be more a sign of social shyness rather than a fear of being bugged by guys. If you know how to deal with guys, then what you're saying is less of a problem.
    Oh, and if you think that guys in clubs understand hints, you are very, very mistaken.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    Oh, and if you think that guys in clubs understand hints, you are very, very mistaken.
    Make sure you don't give them the wrong idea though.. If you just chat, what are you concerned about? You just find an excuse to leave and if they come chasing after you, you act your usual cold self, as you would with any other guy, with a small polite smile if you have to.
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    Make sure you don't give them the wrong idea though.. If you just chat, what are you concerned about? You just find an excuse to leave and if they come chasing after you, you act your usual cold self, as you would with any other guy, with a small polite smile if you have to.
    It's like what I wrote earlier, many of them are very persistant, which is most likely the reason why girls are stand-offish.
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    (Original post by linda helena)
    It's like what I wrote earlier, many of them are very persistant, which is most likely the reason why girls are stand-offish.
    From what point are they persistant? Please explain to me how ignoring all of them and being standoffish, causes you less grief than if you talk to a few and then act standoffish once you want them to understand you're not interested?
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    (Original post by SamTheMan)
    From what point are they persistant? Please explain to me how ignoring all of them and being standoffish, causes you less grief than if you talk to a few and then act standoffish once you want them to understand you're not interested?
    You clearly don't understand just how persistant a drunk, horny guy can be once he's chosen you to be his victim. There are cases when there's no escaping him, not even a very blunt 'get lost, I want to be left alone' will do the trick. Some guys are just *****. I'm not saying that *I* am stand-offish and ignore all guys when I go out or that I'm promoting *****y behaviour, what I am trying to do is explain why *some* girls are like that, and I can understand why. Oh, and some girls enjoy being *****es too, of course. But for many girls it's just a defense mechanism you develop after having been approached so, so many times by idiots who have had too many drinks and just won't take no for an answer.
 
 
 
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