It could have all been so different

In fairness some girls that are not decent I don't have interest in, I don't date down.

had I been as a 6ft guy I would be scoring with the women all the time - in fact I'm pretty sure they would be chasing me and I wouldn't really have to make any real effort at all.

Well it just so happens that my Father WAS good socially but misfortune happened with some women he was dating that messed up his relationship. As a result he ending up dating my Mother, a lovely person and a good mother but not good socially.

Okay…speaking as someone who has never met you…yikes.

Immediately reading this, you sound like a guy who believes in “alpha males” and “beta males”, who would listen to Andrew Tate and probably ranks the girls he walks by out of 10. Maybe thats not who you are, but from this post alone, those are the vibes you’re giving off. And that is doing NOTHING for you. No woman with a ounce of self-worth wants to be with that guy, because they tend to treat women like ****. And, unfortunately, you’re starting to sound like that guy, especially with “i dont date down”. You’re likely overestimating where you sit on that scale too. Don’t care how physically attractive you are, you might look like a greek god, but your attitude knocks you down a few pegs off the bat.

Social skills help, yes, but if you try to be a genuinely nice person (ie: nice without the hope of something more behind it, just nice), and try to work on not emitting reddit incel vibes, you’ll find you actually can pull.

Work on yourself too, not because you need to be Mr Chad, but because if you feel good about yourself, you will feel more confident, and that will bring you social skills. I don’t even mean to lift weights (but feel free to), I mean get a haircut you like, find aftershave that you think smells good, chew gum for fresh breath. Longer term, try developing your interests. I don’t care if your interest is looking at paint dry, like it enough and you’ll attract someone who likes it too. And with a common interest, you always have something to talk about - it’s a cheat code for lousy social skills (I would know). All of these can help you feel better about yourself, and that’s all it takes.

And those women might not be traditionally “hot”, but if you try making decisions with your brain, you might find you enjoy the company of some of those sort of women more. Do you really want a model-type woman who blindly thinks you’re “Mr Wonderful” without knowing you, or do you want an average (but still decent) looking woman who genuinely wants to know more about you than your looks and your bank balance, and genuinely cares about you? I recommend you take a good hard look at yourself and figure that out. Yes, you might be able to find both, but realistically, that is hard. You can do it, of course, if you try, you just might be waiting a while.

Social skills aren’t genetic, dude. You’re not doomed to be socially inept forever. Work on it, and stop blaming your poor mother for her “poor social genes”. Maybe you take after her social skills, yes, but you can fix them, if you want to make the effort.

Basically. Look in the mirror and decide if you really want to be the d**k that complains women don’t want him, as if he’s entitled to them, and work to be the man that women actually want to be around. Work on your attitude, work on your confidence, evaluate your preferences and then please, go give your mum a hug.

ok now go pull dude

Don't blame your mother for your social skills. Instead, take some responsibility for yourself and spend more time developing them. You can learn to be a better listener and conversationalist.

You also don't need to be 6ft to get girls.

So might as well pony up with my situation here. Well like many guys here I haven't had much success with women. In fairness some girls that are not decent I don't have interest in, I don't date down.

Like many guys here I'm not that great socially and that's a real bummer as had I been as a 6ft guy I would be scoring with the women all the time - in fact I'm pretty sure they would be chasing me and I wouldn't really have to make any real effort at all.

So I say it could have been different. Well it just so happens that my Father WAS good socially but misfortune happened with some women he was dating that messed up his relationship. As a result he ending up dating my Mother, a lovely person and a good mother but not good socially. Anyhow guess whose social genes I ended up inheriting?

Yep that's right, I was born both a guy and had the misfortune of inheriting not good social genes of my Mother. I kind of curse the number of scenarios where an alternate me would have had an easier dating life situation. The number of hot women I could have had and missed out on grates on me.

I know there is not much that can be done and in fairness I could have had a worse life as I live in decent accomodation and had caring parents growing up but then it could have been better also. I kind of envy these guys who have girls thinking their all 'Mr Wonderful' because they are good socially without even really knowing who they are.

I mean if both parents were poor socially it would stand to reason and not be much chance of being otherwise in it. However if one parent is good socially I can't help but feel I've been suckered something bad. I know there isn't really anything I can do about it, it's just bad happenings on something I had no control over. Just feel the need to air my anguish over it really to get it off my chest if that makes any sense.

Okay…speaking as someone who has never met you…yikes.

Immediately reading this, you sound like a guy who believes in “alpha males” and “beta males”, who would listen to Andrew Tate and probably ranks the girls he walks by out of 10. Maybe thats not who you are, but from this post alone, those are the vibes you’re giving off. And that is doing NOTHING for you. No woman with a ounce of self-worth wants to be with that guy, because they tend to treat women like ****. And, unfortunately, you’re starting to sound like that guy, especially with “i dont date down”. You’re likely overestimating where you sit on that scale too. Don’t care how physically attractive you are, you might look like a greek god, but your attitude knocks you down a few pegs off the bat.

Social skills help, yes, but if you try to be a genuinely nice person (ie: nice without the hope of something more behind it, just nice), and try to work on not emitting reddit incel vibes, you’ll find you actually can pull.

Work on yourself too, not because you need to be Mr Chad, but because if you feel good about yourself, you will feel more confident, and that will bring you social skills. I don’t even mean to lift weights (but feel free to), I mean get a haircut you like, find aftershave that you think smells good, chew gum for fresh breath. Longer term, try developing your interests. I don’t care if your interest is looking at paint dry, like it enough and you’ll attract someone who likes it too. And with a common interest, you always have something to talk about - it’s a cheat code for lousy social skills (I would know). All of these can help you feel better about yourself, and that’s all it takes.

And those women might not be traditionally “hot”, but if you try making decisions with your brain, you might find you enjoy the company of some of those sort of women more. Do you really want a model-type woman who blindly thinks you’re “Mr Wonderful” without knowing you, or do you want an average (but still decent) looking woman who genuinely wants to know more about you than your looks and your bank balance, and genuinely cares about you? I recommend you take a good hard look at yourself and figure that out. Yes, you might be able to find both, but realistically, that is hard. You can do it, of course, if you try, you just might be waiting a while.

Social skills aren’t genetic, dude. You’re not doomed to be socially inept forever. Work on it, and stop blaming your poor mother for her “poor social genes”. Maybe you take after her social skills, yes, but you can fix them, if you want to make the effort.

Basically. Look in the mirror and decide if you really want to be the d**k that complains women don’t want him, as if he’s entitled to them, and work to be the man that women actually want to be around. Work on your attitude, work on your confidence, evaluate your preferences and then please, go give your mum a hug.

ok now go pull dude

You also don't need to be 6ft to get girls.

Here's an idea if you want to get girls, how about you go to the gym and work on being less whiny

How do you know I don't already do gym?

You seem to think, from what I judge based on this post, that women are weird, obscure creatures who immediately run after a guy if he’s over 6ft, and can hold a conversation.

Basic social skills are learnt, they’re not a genetic feature you’re stuck with for life. You can easily push to work on yourself, rather than spend your time wishing your situation were different. I’m talking as someone who suffered with severe diagnosed social anxiety, which I’d say lasted till I was around 16, where between the ages of 14 and 16, I’d spend most of my time forcing myself to overcome these fears, in order to better. I was conventionally attractive, and was a commercial model for New Look etc. I’m just adding this in as comparison. You’re nothing without good social skills, sure, you might have more people approach you, but how many actually stay?

In addition, 6ft isn’t the be all and end all of attractiveness. I think you’ve got to be pretty single minded to only think about height in terms of a guy. I’m not saying ‘looks don’t matter, personality matters’. That’s a load of s***. Looks do matter, but looks don’t mean you’ve got to be gifted with a god-like build, and being 6’5. Personality is what gets girls to stay.

Really work on yourself, rather than moaning about the situation you’re in.

If you were a model for New Look then odds are you are above average in looks. That's a big bonus and you no doubt get a load of guys after you as a result. If I were above average in looks rather than everyday average I would get girls after me who were decent. Same if I was good socially if I had both I would be plagued with women after me.

Some people think they have improved socially, but in reality the improvement is little to non-existant. People who are good socially tend to naturals, genetic. That's or they have a reason to be confident, good look, wealthy guy, etc. Most people who think they have improved socially would be left in the dust by someone who is naturally good socially, I've seen that happen.

If you were a model for New Look then odds are you are above average in looks. That's a big bonus and you no doubt get a load of guys after you as a result. If I were above average in looks rather than everyday average I would get girls after me who were decent. Same if I was good socially if I had both I would be plagued with women after me.

Some people think they have improved socially, but in reality the improvement is little to non-existant. People who are good socially tend to naturals, genetic. That's or they have a reason to be confident, good look, wealthy guy, etc. Most people who think they have improved socially would be left in the dust by someone who is naturally good socially, I've seen that happen.

So might as well pony up with my situation here. Well like many guys here I haven't had much success with women. In fairness some girls that are not decent I don't have interest in, I don't date down.

Like many guys here I'm not that great socially and that's a real bummer as had I been as a 6ft guy I would be scoring with the women all the time - in fact I'm pretty sure they would be chasing me and I wouldn't really have to make any real effort at all.

So I say it could have been different. Well it just so happens that my Father WAS good socially but misfortune happened with some women he was dating that messed up his relationship. As a result he ending up dating my Mother, a lovely person and a good mother but not good socially. Anyhow guess whose social genes I ended up inheriting?

Yep that's right, I was born both a guy and had the misfortune of inheriting not good social genes of my Mother. I kind of curse the number of scenarios where an alternate me would have had an easier dating life situation. The number of hot women I could have had and missed out on grates on me.

I know there is not much that can be done and in fairness I could have had a worse life as I live in decent accomodation and had caring parents growing up but then it could have been better also. I kind of envy these guys who have girls thinking their all 'Mr Wonderful' because they are good socially without even really knowing who they are.

I mean if both parents were poor socially it would stand to reason and not be much chance of being otherwise in it. However if one parent is good socially I can't help but feel I've been suckered something bad. I know there isn't really anything I can do about it, it's just bad happenings on something I had no control over. Just feel the need to air my anguish over it really to get it off my chest if that makes any sense.

Ah, perhaps you’ve misunderstood. The point I was making were that even though I may have been classed as being pretty attractive, I didn’t have many ‘guys after me’, because my own lack of social skills definitely drove most people away.

I think your view of self-improvement has been tainted, for whatever reason. I know for a fact I’ve improved socially, massively. Even down to the fact I wouldn’t leave the house, unless I was going to job, because I was simply so scared to speak to people. As of last week, I did my first public talk, in a room of about 120 people. If that isn’t improvement, I don’t know what is.

Being good socially isn’t a genetic characteristic, It’s learnt, as is confidence. I hope you’re able to overcome this mindset you’ve got, and you’re able to better yourself for the future.

I too didn't use to be good at public speaking but can now also speak in front of a crowd that size or probably any size, I now can be quite decent at it. However I don't class that as being good socially, you can be a good public speaker but be bad socially. Sure I too can go out and speak to people but there is speaking to people then there is really speaking to people. Some people can engage others from the get go and I don't believe it's something that can be learned. If the person has social proof on their side of being pretty or whatever then people will have their attention from the get go.

Social skills aren’t genetic. As a girl, from what you’re saying here I would absolutely not want to date you. Sounds like in this entire post you’re blaming everyone else for the reasons why you can’t pull. It’s your mothers fault because she “passed on poor social skills” (???). It’s women’s fault because they only want 6ft tall men. Ya da ya da ya da.

the vast majority of men - and the average height - is 5’10. If girls only wanted 6ft guys, wouldn’t they all be single? And again. If they only wanted guys with “good social skills”, wouldn’t like half of guys be single and never get a girl too?

You need to take responsibility. You aren’t owed or entitled to a woman’s affections. Develop your social skills because YOU'RE responsible for them; they’re not genetic. If women don’t want to date you, it’s time to start asking why - without blaming the people around you.