hating university

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

bump

OP

please could somebody offer some advice im really struggling

Reply 3

SilverPebble

14

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

This sounds like one of those situations where everything seems to snowball. You sound very lonely, but you do recognise that joining a society could possibly help. That would be my best advice too! No need to answer this question on here, but I'm wondering if you have a religious faith and could perhaps start by just going to a university service or meeting? They are usually very welcoming of people turning up on their own, and make it very easy to meet new potential friends.

Alternatively, is there a class like dance or yoga that you could sign up to? It wouldn't be so noticeable that you turned up on your own to something like that because everyone is following the same directions in their own space, if you see what I mean!

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. Feeling lonely at uni can be very hard.

I would suggest to talk to your course mates if you like the group of friends you have made there and suggest things you can do together! I have felt the same where it feels like everyone has a different group that they prefer to you but I'm sure they will be up for doing things with you, maybe a coffee, lunch or just suggest to go to the library to work together and this will allow you all to become more friendly and they might start asking you to do more things.

With your other friend group, this can be a tricky situation as it's not nice to hear that people have been making plans and not including you. I would say to still ask them if they want to meet up and do something that isn't clubbing and then see how they react to this as they may have just thought you wouldn't want to meet them so they didn't invite you.

Aside from this, as you mentioned a society is a really good way to meet people who have similar interests and hobbies to you. In January, a lot of Universities put on something called a 'refreshers fair' or something similar which is when lots of societies have a stall like they do in freshers week and you can look round and see if any of these appeal to you. This is a good way to look at everything that is on offer and see if there is anything you like the look of. Societies are very varied, from ones where you attend a few sessions a week and then socials and others you only meet once a month for example but still go on socials in between. If you find one you are interested in, sometimes they offer free taster sessions or a paid taster session but with no commitment to sign up if you don't enjoy it so you might as well do this and see if you like any. Most people will be really friendly and open to making friends and lots of people also join in January time so you won't be the only person who is new.

I would also say as hard as it is, a lot more people then you think feel like this and you are not alone! Lots of people are willing to make friends but don't know where to start and I think you may find people like this in a society. I'm not sure if you are living in a flat and if so if you get on with your flat mates, but if you live in an accommodation building sometimes they put on events so if yours does you could always see if there's anything happening in any social spaces your building has as you may meet people here too.

Also asking your home friends to come up can be really comforting so asking them to come and visit every so often if nice and it also might encourage you to go to places you haven't been or wouldn't go on your own where you may meet people too.

I hope this helps and I hope second semester is better for you,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 5

StevenWong1

8

I mean it is what is is really. You can remain on good terms with these people despite them not seeing you as a full member of their clique.

I know many people who have had zero contact with people they considered really good friends since graduating or even between semesters. People dirft apart over time. And thats okay.

I would suggest looking towards societies and sports as they are a good way to meet new people.

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 6

Lancaster Student Ambassador

Official Rep

15

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

Hi anon, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time at university. I definitely understand that going to a society alone is intimidating, but it is worth it in the end if you can get yourself to do it! I joined a pole society this year and I went completely alone the first time, but I soon got talking with other people who were there and also didn't know anyone else. Additionally, talking to your coursemates in seminars or workshops may help you to bond with some people on your course. Spending more time with the people that you already know may help you to become closer with them and integrate into their friendship groups.
I hope things get better for you!
-Kat (2nd year psychology undergraduate at Lancaster University)

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

Hey, are you from LSE? I saw another post of yours about struggling to find friends because you don’t drink like they do. I’m having the same problem. I’m a first year law student. Maybe we could hang out?

Reply 8

sadfhjvl

6

Original post by Anonymous #2

Hey, are you from LSE? I saw another post of yours about struggling to find friends because you don’t drink like they do. I’m having the same problem. I’m a first year law student. Maybe we could hang out?

Hey!! I'm so sorry I'm not I'm at Bristol. I don't think I have made any other posts so that might be someone different from LSE? I wish you the best!!

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by sadfhjvl

Hey!! I'm so sorry I'm not I'm at Bristol. I don't think I have made any other posts so that might be someone different from LSE? I wish you the best!!

Oh, okay! No worries! My bad. Good luck to you too!!

Reply 10

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

Anon,

Did they go clubbing over Christmas?

I think it's okay for a group of friends to not always meet up and do things together. Some friends may have more in common with each other and so may arrange to do different things e.g. they both like going to the gym, and so they don't ask everyone if they want to go the gym because they know some people don't like the gym, or are not sporty, or prefer going to a sports society etc.. I know it may feel hurtful, but try not to take it too personally. It doesn't mean they don't like you. Perhaps if you think about the group, there may be some who you find it easier to talk to than others or who you have more in common with and that's okay. The level of friendship in a friendship group can vary.

It's great that you have your friends from home : ) so try and call them when you are feeling particularly lonely or down. Talk to them about how you've been feeling. Perhaps, you can arrange a get together soon so that you have something to look forward to.

Try not to spend all your time in your room, if it makes you feel down. Go to places where there are people e.g. the library, a coffee shop, supermarket etc...rather than heading straight to your room. Though you may need to get used to spending time on your own, it doesn't need to be a negative experience. Listening to music, watching telly or a movie or reading a good book can all help with loneliness and be a positive experience. Perhaps you can plan to listen to a new album from a band you like when you get back to your room or could listen to an old album?

It's nice, if you have someone to go with to different things, but in general there will be times that you are interested in things that other people are not, and if you wait for someone to go with you, then you might find that you miss out on a lot of opportunities and feel frustrated or resentful. I think you are going to have to pluck up courage. Any society should be happy to see another person who wants to potentially join their group, so they should be welcoming! If you go and you're not interested then at least you would have tried. You would also have boosted your confidence, and will feel more able to go to things on your own.

Finally, it's not about people liking others 'better'. You are likeable. It's about friendship being complicated! I might like someone but I might not have much in common with them, or I might have loads in common with them, but I might not like them. Friendships are complicated but they don't determine your worth! Friendship is also not necessarily hanging out with one group, all the time. It can be hanging out with different friends from different groups and they become your group of friends, even if they are not all friends with each other.

Hope that helps,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Reply 11

jonathanemptage

21

I've been there maybe your just not ready I'd drop out I did at first and didn't regret it for a second i went back at 21 as a mature student and had a much better time and actually got a degree.

Original post by Anonymous #1

I've never really struggled with making friends before university. In the first semester i had this group of friends who were nice but all they spoke about is clubbing and im not really big on that, i'd like to say they're still my friends but they all met up over christmas and i didn't know about it. i feel so lonely and i just want to go home all the time. i just don't know how to make more friends, i know i should join a society but i just really don't want to have to go alone, i know it's stupid but i just can't do it. i still have all my friends from home and i really miss them when i'm here.
i feel like i'm wasting my life i tried so hard for my a levels and did so well but now i feel like everything is falling apart. i really don't know what to do.
i like my course and i like the group of friends i have on my course but they all have groups of friends who they like better.
any advice would be appreciated - i feel like i'm constantly on the brink of tears and as soon as i get back to my room i just fall apart.

Hi there,

So sorry to hear that you are finding it tough - it is completely normal to feel this way and you are not alone!

My advice would be not to assume the people on your course aren't open to having more friends just because they already have a 'clique' or a steady group of friends. People love to meet new people, and honestly you could be surprised at how many people are in the same boat and do actually want to be friends with you.

It sounds like your current group of friends from the first semester are just into different things than you, but that's okay! I know it's a cliché, but societies and sports groups are such a good way to make friends due to you being surrounded by like minded people and you are likely to hit it off with other people due to your common interest. As difficult as it is, try to be brave and put yourself out there. Even studying on campus and engaging with familiar faces in the library is a great way to start!

It's brilliant that you are enjoying your course, and it's great to hear that you have all your friends at home too! Maybe reach out to them when you are feeling lonely, if they are at University too they might know exactly how you feel, or have some some tips for meeting other people and making friends.

I hope this helps and good luck!
G

hating university

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