University of Exeter
Exeter
Controlling mother choosing my university
Posting this anonymously but I really want some unbiased opinions or just some plain facts to do with this. Basically, I've got offers for law from both Birkbeck and Exeter university, clearly I'd rather go to Exeter since I no longer want to do night classes and the education at Exeter is (supposedly) a lot better.
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
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Original post by Anonymous
Posting this anonymously but I really want some unbiased opinions or just some plain facts to do with this. Basically, I've got offers for law from both Birkbeck and Exeter university, clearly I'd rather go to Exeter since I no longer want to do night classes and the education at Exeter is (supposedly) a lot better.
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
From what I can see, the child tax credit will stop once you start at university. If that's the case, it won't matter which university you're going to.
University of Exeter
Exeter
you do what you want, as simple as that. Yes it will be be hard. Im presuming you're 18, at 18 years old are you really going to let your mother decide where you will study? you sit her down, and you tell her what you are doing, you don't ask, you tell. It's up to her wether she accepts it or not, but you are not a child anymore and you can do what you want. As for the open day, go. what do you mean she's not allowing you? your an adult and your applying for university, she needs to understand that you are not here to lie under her control, and you should stop asking if you are allowed, and start telling. Be serious with her, sit her down and tell her that this is a serious issue and not something that you want her to brush under the carpet, if she doesn't listen and refuse to accept then she needs to understand that this is going to be a big issue and that it isn't going to go away. You need to be independent and you own person. I do apologise if it sounds harsh, but I had this issue, now I don't ask I tell. Be you own person, do what you need to do.
You are clearly very respectful of your mother's viewpoint on this and concerned about making decision which could impact your future relationship - as well as your future. Whilst I agree with the other posters that this is not her decision, I understand that it is difficult not to be strongly influenced by the views of parents and it is not always easy or practical to simply ignore parents and do your own thing - particularly if you are not financially independent.
If you are sitting your A levels/ Level 3 exams this summer, and are looking to progress to uni in Sept, then the child tax credits will cease.
Exeter is a very well regarded university and well done for securing a law offer here. Studying at Exeter will hold you in good stead for future career prospects ( far better than Birkbeck) and in all probability broaden your horizons and offer opportunities that will be very different to that offered by staying at home.
If it is impossible to stand your ground on this (and assuming that you would not have financial support)- perhaps consider explaining your circumstances to Exeter and ask for a deferral. You can then work for the year and save money to support yourself through Exeter in the following year.
A good friend once told me that the uni choices of her 2 kids and their subsequent (very different) uni experiences, very much shaped the adults that they have become. In this instance - follow your heart. Not only will this be the sounder academic prospect, it will also give you space to make your own decisions.
If you are sitting your A levels/ Level 3 exams this summer, and are looking to progress to uni in Sept, then the child tax credits will cease.
Exeter is a very well regarded university and well done for securing a law offer here. Studying at Exeter will hold you in good stead for future career prospects ( far better than Birkbeck) and in all probability broaden your horizons and offer opportunities that will be very different to that offered by staying at home.
If it is impossible to stand your ground on this (and assuming that you would not have financial support)- perhaps consider explaining your circumstances to Exeter and ask for a deferral. You can then work for the year and save money to support yourself through Exeter in the following year.
A good friend once told me that the uni choices of her 2 kids and their subsequent (very different) uni experiences, very much shaped the adults that they have become. In this instance - follow your heart. Not only will this be the sounder academic prospect, it will also give you space to make your own decisions.
(edited 1 year ago)
I guess the whole point of the discussion is the TS should be bravely standing up as a grown independent adult, but no more under his/her mother's unreasonable control... though I still have a little curiosity: is the TS's mother really that ignorant to not knowing that the child tax credit will cease once the TS becomes 18 and going for uni education (she cares the credit so much, but is missing such an important point of the system?), and making use of this as a reason to hold the TS in London? Has the TS told us the whole story already?
Well, my curiosity is not the crux, after all I certainly agree that the TS should go with his/her own preference. I also agree that studying law in Exeter is a good choice. Meanwhile, we do not need to bad mouth Birkbeck for the purpose of making blurb to Exeter, especially what Trinculo said are mostly not facts, i.e. "BBK is not a good choice under almost any circumstances......, unless you are a student over 30 with low-paid full time day job in central London". The TS requests for plain fact and unbiased opinion, so let's clarify a bit: 1) at least 70% undergraduate students in BBK are under 30-years old; 2) According to THE2023, BKK is ranked around the first quartile among 112 UK institutions offering law degrees. 3) If ones care so much about wage and job prospect, should know that wages of BKK's fresh graduates is one of the Top 3 in the UK, obviously higher than most of the Russell Group institutions.
Besides child tax credits, is there any other reasons that a daughter/son should try to consider mother's strong view (just a wild guess: she's still not confident to manage her detachment anxiety and see if there is still other ways to stay with her beloved kid for a couple of years further? It is very uncommon in counselling service documents, isn't it?) Then, let's do so brainstorming (I believe TSR is such a place to do brainstorming): why doesn't the TS try to get a place in UCL, KCL, LSE or QMUL for studying law? I believe these institutions are as good as Exeter for job prospect, aren't they? As MadMathsMum mentions about deferring one year for saving money, deferral and retaking the examination is also making my suggestion technically feasible too. I believe it is worthwhile to do it for "the best of two worlds"!
DoI: I am studying law in an UoL institution, but not BKK. I care about plain fact and unbiased opinion, with no offence. Just my two pennies.
Well, my curiosity is not the crux, after all I certainly agree that the TS should go with his/her own preference. I also agree that studying law in Exeter is a good choice. Meanwhile, we do not need to bad mouth Birkbeck for the purpose of making blurb to Exeter, especially what Trinculo said are mostly not facts, i.e. "BBK is not a good choice under almost any circumstances......, unless you are a student over 30 with low-paid full time day job in central London". The TS requests for plain fact and unbiased opinion, so let's clarify a bit: 1) at least 70% undergraduate students in BBK are under 30-years old; 2) According to THE2023, BKK is ranked around the first quartile among 112 UK institutions offering law degrees. 3) If ones care so much about wage and job prospect, should know that wages of BKK's fresh graduates is one of the Top 3 in the UK, obviously higher than most of the Russell Group institutions.
Besides child tax credits, is there any other reasons that a daughter/son should try to consider mother's strong view (just a wild guess: she's still not confident to manage her detachment anxiety and see if there is still other ways to stay with her beloved kid for a couple of years further? It is very uncommon in counselling service documents, isn't it?) Then, let's do so brainstorming (I believe TSR is such a place to do brainstorming): why doesn't the TS try to get a place in UCL, KCL, LSE or QMUL for studying law? I believe these institutions are as good as Exeter for job prospect, aren't they? As MadMathsMum mentions about deferring one year for saving money, deferral and retaking the examination is also making my suggestion technically feasible too. I believe it is worthwhile to do it for "the best of two worlds"!
DoI: I am studying law in an UoL institution, but not BKK. I care about plain fact and unbiased opinion, with no offence. Just my two pennies.
Original post by Anonymous
I guess the whole point of the discussion is the TS should be bravely standing up as a grown independent adult, but no more under his/her mother's unreasonable control... though I still have a little curiosity: is the TS's mother really that ignorant to not knowing that the child tax credit will cease once the TS becomes 18 and going for uni education (she cares the credit so much, but is missing such an important point of the system?), and making use of this as a reason to hold the TS in London? Has the TS told us the whole story already?
Well, my curiosity is not the crux, after all I certainly agree that the TS should go with his/her own preference. I also agree that studying law in Exeter is a good choice. Meanwhile, we do not need to bad mouth Birkbeck for the purpose of making blurb to Exeter, especially what Trinculo said are mostly not facts, i.e. "BBK is not a good choice under almost any circumstances......, unless you are a student over 30 with low-paid full time day job in central London". The TS requests for plain fact and unbiased opinion, so let's clarify a bit: 1) at least 70% undergraduate students in BBK are under 30-years old; 2) According to THE2023, BKK is ranked around the first quartile among 112 UK institutions offering law degrees. 3) If ones care so much about wage and job prospect, should know that wages of BKK's fresh graduates is one of the Top 3 in the UK, obviously higher than most of the Russell Group institutions.
Besides child tax credits, is there any other reasons that a daughter/son should try to consider mother's strong view (just a wild guess: she's still not confident to manage her detachment anxiety and see if there is still other ways to stay with her beloved kid for a couple of years further? It is very uncommon in counselling service documents, isn't it?) Then, let's do so brainstorming (I believe TSR is such a place to do brainstorming): why doesn't the TS try to get a place in UCL, KCL, LSE or QMUL for studying law? I believe these institutions are as good as Exeter for job prospect, aren't they? As MadMathsMum mentions about deferring one year for saving money, deferral and retaking the examination is also making my suggestion technically feasible too. I believe it is worthwhile to do it for "the best of two worlds"!
DoI: I am studying law in an UoL institution, but not BKK. I care about plain fact and unbiased opinion, with no offence. Just my two pennies.
Well, my curiosity is not the crux, after all I certainly agree that the TS should go with his/her own preference. I also agree that studying law in Exeter is a good choice. Meanwhile, we do not need to bad mouth Birkbeck for the purpose of making blurb to Exeter, especially what Trinculo said are mostly not facts, i.e. "BBK is not a good choice under almost any circumstances......, unless you are a student over 30 with low-paid full time day job in central London". The TS requests for plain fact and unbiased opinion, so let's clarify a bit: 1) at least 70% undergraduate students in BBK are under 30-years old; 2) According to THE2023, BKK is ranked around the first quartile among 112 UK institutions offering law degrees. 3) If ones care so much about wage and job prospect, should know that wages of BKK's fresh graduates is one of the Top 3 in the UK, obviously higher than most of the Russell Group institutions.
Besides child tax credits, is there any other reasons that a daughter/son should try to consider mother's strong view (just a wild guess: she's still not confident to manage her detachment anxiety and see if there is still other ways to stay with her beloved kid for a couple of years further? It is very uncommon in counselling service documents, isn't it?) Then, let's do so brainstorming (I believe TSR is such a place to do brainstorming): why doesn't the TS try to get a place in UCL, KCL, LSE or QMUL for studying law? I believe these institutions are as good as Exeter for job prospect, aren't they? As MadMathsMum mentions about deferring one year for saving money, deferral and retaking the examination is also making my suggestion technically feasible too. I believe it is worthwhile to do it for "the best of two worlds"!
DoI: I am studying law in an UoL institution, but not BKK. I care about plain fact and unbiased opinion, with no offence. Just my two pennies.
I made a number of typos, so I repost the last two paragraph below. I am sorry.
Besides the child tax credits, is there any other reasons that a daughter/son should try to consider mother's strong view (just a wild guess: she's still not confident to manage her detachment anxiety and see if there is still other ways to stay with her beloved kid for a couple of years further? It is not very uncommon in counselling service documents, is it?)? If so happens, let's do some brainstorming (I believe TSR is such a place for doing brainstorming): why doesn't the TS try to get a place in UCL, KCL, LSE or QMUL for studying law? These institutions are as good as Exeter for job prospect (if not even better), aren't they? As MadMathsMum mentions about deferring one year for saving money, considering deferral and retaking the examination is also making my suggestion technically feasible too, if the TS is hard working and capable enough. I believe it is worthwhile to do it for "the best of two worlds", if the TS truly cares!
DoI: I am studying law in an UoL institution, but not in BBK. Like the TS, I care about plain fact and unbiased opinion, with no offence. Just my two pennies.
Original post by Trinculo
BBK is not a good choice under almost any circumstances. Exeter is the better university by a country mile, unless you are a student over 30 with low-paid full time day job in central London and significant ties keeping them there.
Dragging BBK doesn't make your point relevant at all.
Original post by ageshallnot
...says the guy studying at Birkbeck from September...
well duh... that's why they're defending birkbeck, but it doesn't mean their point is wrong
Original post by ageshallnot
...says the guy studying at Birkbeck from September...
Sure am! Got a problem with it?
Did you not get any offers from the good London unis? Can u take a gap year and reapply to the top London unis (and take the LNAT). If its such a big deal u moving out?
Alternatively have you considered studying at the University of Law or BPP? They might have a good reputation
Alternatively have you considered studying at the University of Law or BPP? They might have a good reputation
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Posting this anonymously but I really want some unbiased opinions or just some plain facts to do with this. Basically, I've got offers for law from both Birkbeck and Exeter university, clearly I'd rather go to Exeter since I no longer want to do night classes and the education at Exeter is (supposedly) a lot better.
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
To be honest, it's your choice where you want to go. I'm going to Exeter next year and I had a bit of a similar problem with my dad and his side of the family wanting me to choose MCR/Salford so that I can be a babysitter/third parent and I just picked where my heart wanted to go. Once you accept the offer and get your place confirmed, there isn't much else your mum can do about it.
Even if you stayed in LDN, the CTC she gets from you isn't going to last forever, most probably after you hit 20 she'll stop receiving it so really, she only has limited time left with the CTC regardless of where you go.
Original post by ageshallnot
...says the guy studying at Birkbeck from September...
It's never cool to bring down one university just to uplift another, nor is it cool to try to shame those attending that university. If you get a degree you get a degree.
Original post by Anonymous
Posting this anonymously but I really want some unbiased opinions or just some plain facts to do with this. Basically, I've got offers for law from both Birkbeck and Exeter university, clearly I'd rather go to Exeter since I no longer want to do night classes and the education at Exeter is (supposedly) a lot better.
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen
if you want to go for exeter, go for exeter your mother should not be able to decide where you go for university as you are now, or will be legally an adult and she wont need as much money in regards to child benefits if she isnt having to feed you as you will be at university supplying yourself with your student loan. I don't see why your mother would be anti it as in the long run she will probably be better off if you dont stay at home
Original post by steviestevieee
It's never cool to bring down one university just to uplift another, nor is it cool to try to shame those attending that university. If you get a degree you get a degree.
Yes, but some degrees hold more weight than others. Especially for a degree such as law.
Original post by Dnsnnssn
Yes, but some degrees hold more weight than others. Especially for a degree such as law.
Ik but my point is there was no need to slander BBK just to uplift UoExe lol. ageshallnot and Trinculo both made unnecessary comments.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by ageshallnot
Nope, but I do have a problem with you telling another user to "shut up" because they rate another university better than yours.
PRSOM
Original post by Anonymous
Posting this anonymously but I really want some unbiased opinions or just some plain facts to do with this. Basically, I've got offers for law from both Birkbeck and Exeter university, clearly I'd rather go to Exeter since I no longer want to do night classes and the education at Exeter is (supposedly) a lot better.
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen@
The problem is we live in London and she will NOT let me move out for Exeter and isn't even allowing me to go to the visit day this Saturday and I really don't know what to do. I've tried telling her job prospects are better but she's adamant on me staying in London, mostly because she relies on the child tax credit she gets from me. I really really don't know what to do I've tried to fix this but she just won't listen@
@martin7 Is right she wont get Tax credit when you go to university so you may as well go to Exeter. Just accept the Exeter offer. She will thank you in the end. You will have a great job in the city and can afford to help her out.
Have you confirmed your student maintainence loan eligibility? 
Do you have access to savings or a regular monthly source of income?
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
It is your life, your future, your career, your 3 years of study and will be your student debt.
Your right to choose where you want to study, regardless of your mother's opinions.
Good luck!
Do you have access to savings or a regular monthly source of income?
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
It is your life, your future, your career, your 3 years of study and will be your student debt.
Your right to choose where you want to study, regardless of your mother's opinions.
Good luck!
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