Hiding my gap year from my parent?
My mother hates the idea of me taking a gap year and any mention of one causes her to become entirely manic and withhold food, college travel money and any parental support. I'm aware of how this is a problem in itself but there's nothing I can do, as much as I've tried to ask for help with my college and the council family support services.
I'm applying this year and will be deferring my place to take a gap year. I'll be living at my partners house in that year in order to work in his village and save up, whilst also gaining independence from my mother without having to go straight to uni. However, I cannot tell my mother this plan because otherwise my life would become very difficult. Once I am 18 (next June) I can move out and my life won't be controlled by her anymore, but until then I need to make her believe I'm applying to go to uni for September 2024.
How do I hide this?
I'm applying this year and will be deferring my place to take a gap year. I'll be living at my partners house in that year in order to work in his village and save up, whilst also gaining independence from my mother without having to go straight to uni. However, I cannot tell my mother this plan because otherwise my life would become very difficult. Once I am 18 (next June) I can move out and my life won't be controlled by her anymore, but until then I need to make her believe I'm applying to go to uni for September 2024.
How do I hide this?
Go for it, I'd say that you apply for a uni which starts half way through the year, then show her the uni saying that you think its the best choice for you, live with your partner, 6 months is a decently long enough period to get on your own feet and say that you're thinking of transferring to a different uni, which starts on time but a year later, she can't really do anything, but the number one thing I'd recommend is getting a job as fast as possible, the only real leverage she has over you is money, start applying for jobs right now and start saving up, if it really blows up their are funds available from the government for people experiencing issues.
Original post by Anonymous
My mother hates the idea of me taking a gap year and any mention of one causes her to become entirely manic and withhold food, college travel money and any parental support. I'm aware of how this is a problem in itself but there's nothing I can do, as much as I've tried to ask for help with my college and the council family support services.
I'm applying this year and will be deferring my place to take a gap year. I'll be living at my partners house in that year in order to work in his village and save up, whilst also gaining independence from my mother without having to go straight to uni. However, I cannot tell my mother this plan because otherwise my life would become very difficult. Once I am 18 (next June) I can move out and my life won't be controlled by her anymore, but until then I need to make her believe I'm applying to go to uni for September 2024.
How do I hide this?
I'm applying this year and will be deferring my place to take a gap year. I'll be living at my partners house in that year in order to work in his village and save up, whilst also gaining independence from my mother without having to go straight to uni. However, I cannot tell my mother this plan because otherwise my life would become very difficult. Once I am 18 (next June) I can move out and my life won't be controlled by her anymore, but until then I need to make her believe I'm applying to go to uni for September 2024.
How do I hide this?
A year is a long time.No uni has terms starting later for undergrad so take above comment with a large dose of salt.I would suggest you apply to uni as normal this year,concentrate on getting good A levels and then decide what you are wanting to do after that.You can always defer for a year or decide to reapply the next year from fresh start.This will make keeping your mum on side easy plus insure you against a change of heart or circumstances.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you two break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Original post by Scotney
A year is a long time.No uni has terms starting later for undergrad so take above comment with a large dose of salt.I would suggest you apply to uni as normal this year,concentrate on getting good A levels and then decide what you are wanting to do after that.You can always defer for a year or decide to reapply the next year from fresh start.This will make keeping your mum on side easy plus insure you against a change of heart or circumstances.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you thttps://study-uk.britishcouncil.org/scholarships-fundingwo break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you thttps://study-uk.britishcouncil.org/scholarships-fundingwo break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
https://study-uk.britishcouncil.org/scholarships-funding <- If you get the grades and really show your interest uni's will try to get you
Original post by Scotney
A year is a long time.No uni has terms starting later for undergrad so take above comment with a large dose of salt.I would suggest you apply to uni as normal this year,concentrate on getting good A levels and then decide what you are wanting to do after that.You can always defer for a year or decide to reapply the next year from fresh start.This will make keeping your mum on side easy plus insure you against a change of heart or circumstances.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you two break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you two break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Hi there!
Do you know if I can defer my place after results day? When applying on my UCAS, I have the option to apply for the course for 2024 entry or 2025 entry, and I don't know if this is something that can be changed at a later point?
I've been with my partner for multiple years now and our relationship is stable. I'm completely aware that there is the concern of what if we break up and that is a factor I am keeping in mind, but realistically I don't have any other option here. If it falls through mid gap year, I have enough money saved to rent an apartment in my town until my intended course begins next september.
Financially, my mother is refusing to support me for uni and has already been withdrawing her financial support, so I have no interest or need to keep her in my life once I turn 18.
I have been discussing this plan with my partner's parents. They're completely on board and are willing to support me for the gap year as they understand how difficult my mother is.
I just don't want to go straight into university after a-levels and I really want to take a gap year before committing myself to university, which my mother can't seem to understand even though she never went to uni. All I need is to make her believe im going to university next year until I can finally move out.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi there!
Do you know if I can defer my place after results day? When applying on my UCAS, I have the option to apply for the course for 2024 entry or 2025 entry, and I don't know if this is something that can be changed at a later point?
I've been with my partner for multiple years now and our relationship is stable. I'm completely aware that there is the concern of what if we break up and that is a factor I am keeping in mind, but realistically I don't have any other option here. If it falls through mid gap year, I have enough money saved to rent an apartment in my town until my intended course begins next september.
Financially, my mother is refusing to support me for uni and has already been withdrawing her financial support, so I have no interest or need to keep her in my life once I turn 18.
I have been discussing this plan with my partner's parents. They're completely on board and are willing to support me for the gap year as they understand how difficult my mother is.
I just don't want to go straight into university after a-levels and I really want to take a gap year before committing myself to university, which my mother can't seem to understand even though she never went to uni. All I need is to make her believe im going to university next year until I can finally move out.
Do you know if I can defer my place after results day? When applying on my UCAS, I have the option to apply for the course for 2024 entry or 2025 entry, and I don't know if this is something that can be changed at a later point?
I've been with my partner for multiple years now and our relationship is stable. I'm completely aware that there is the concern of what if we break up and that is a factor I am keeping in mind, but realistically I don't have any other option here. If it falls through mid gap year, I have enough money saved to rent an apartment in my town until my intended course begins next september.
Financially, my mother is refusing to support me for uni and has already been withdrawing her financial support, so I have no interest or need to keep her in my life once I turn 18.
I have been discussing this plan with my partner's parents. They're completely on board and are willing to support me for the gap year as they understand how difficult my mother is.
I just don't want to go straight into university after a-levels and I really want to take a gap year before committing myself to university, which my mother can't seem to understand even though she never went to uni. All I need is to make her believe im going to university next year until I can finally move out.
Yes in most cases you can defer after results day.Ring up your desired unis in Sept and double check.Just say you are considering a gap year but have not decided yet.You then just defer when you get your results.The only downside is if you do decide to go after all accomodation might be a problem.Maths and medicine are the two least keen on a break.
I understand what you are saying about not going straight to uni.I had two gap years as I was tired of studying after A levels.It was a good way to get some money together and did mean I was ready to enjoy my course more when I got there.Doing it the way I suggested means you are going through all the normal motions so why would she suspect anything.
Good luck and I am sorry she is behaving in this way
(edited 1 year ago)
You can certainly ask to defer your offer after results day. However the uni might not agree to it, in which case you’d have to apply again in the next cycle.
Original post by Scotney
Yes in most cases you can defer after results day.Ring up your desired unis in Sept and double check.Just say you want to go on a gap year.Maths and medicine are the two least keen on a break.
I understand what you are saying about not going straight to uni.I had two gap years as I was tired of studying after A levels.It was a good way to get some money together and did mean I was ready to enjoy my course more when I got there.Doing it the way I suggested means you are going through all the normal motions so why would she suspect anything.
Good luck and I am sorry she is behaving in this way
I understand what you are saying about not going straight to uni.I had two gap years as I was tired of studying after A levels.It was a good way to get some money together and did mean I was ready to enjoy my course more when I got there.Doing it the way I suggested means you are going through all the normal motions so why would she suspect anything.
Good luck and I am sorry she is behaving in this way
Thank you so much for your help!
Luckily I'm applying for an english degree so hopefully that should be okay, I'll definitely give it a go
Original post by Scotney
A year is a long time.No uni has terms starting later for undergrad so take above comment with a large dose of salt.I would suggest you apply to uni as normal this year,concentrate on getting good A levels and then decide what you are wanting to do after that.You can always defer for a year or decide to reapply the next year from fresh start.This will make keeping your mum on side easy plus insure you against a change of heart or circumstances.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you two break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Contrary to what previous poster said there is very little financial help available for young people plus if you go ahead with a gap year and then apply for student finance she may not be willing to supplement or support your application.The amount of loan you get in dependant on your mother's income and she has to supply these details to SFE.Is it really worth putting her offside.Once you are at uni you will be away from her control anyway.You can get summer jobs in your uni town so avoid coming home except for big family days like Xmas and Easter.
You cannot hide it from her unless you are a great liar and have enough money to support yourself.How sure are you your partner's family are on board.Have his parents discussed this with you seriously because no offence a year is a long time to take in someone to your house plus what if you two break up during this year or next year when you are living at theirs.You are only 17 and being a parent myself these young romances rarely last or run smooth.
Original post by dirtmother
Hi, although I think you may happen to be correct for the particular subject the OP is intending to apply for, I think you'll find that your opening statement is no longer universally correct and an increasing number of courses offer January start date options. (I can't say I'd recommend taking up the option for most students' circumstances, but there it is...)
Original post by Scotney
Oh interesting!Do you have any links so I can read up on this.Genuinely have not heard of this in UK for undergrad.
https://www.derby.ac.uk/undergraduate/nursing-courses/nursing-adult-bsc-hons/
https://www.tees.ac.uk/undergraduate_courses/art_design/BA(HonsComicsand_Graphic_Novels.cfm
I think the move to a semester based timetable may be relevant
Original post by dirtmother
Just a couple of example courses at different institutions:
https://www.derby.ac.uk/undergraduate/nursing-courses/nursing-adult-bsc-hons/
https://www.tees.ac.uk/undergraduate_courses/art_design/BA(HonsComicsand_Graphic_Novels.cfm
I think the move to a semester based timetable may be relevant
https://www.derby.ac.uk/undergraduate/nursing-courses/nursing-adult-bsc-hons/
https://www.tees.ac.uk/undergraduate_courses/art_design/BA(HonsComicsand_Graphic_Novels.cfm
I think the move to a semester based timetable may be relevant
Original post by SuperChoco3211
https://study-uk.britishcouncil.org/scholarships-funding <- If you get the grades and really show your interest uni's will try to get you
That's for international students, we're talking about support for UK students.
OP I'm kinda with @Scotney that this plan sounds a bit iffy, the idea that this Bfs parents will just let a 17 year old move in for a year with no money and without telling their mum is a bit of a red flag to put it mildly, bearing in mind your mum is still legally responsible for you till 18 this is the sort of thing that can end with police at the door and I've seen it myself, maybe not to arrest anyone but a lot of drama.
You would pretty much be putting all your eggs in the basket of this guys family, where ANY one of them can ask you to leave at any time, this is an extremely precarious way to live and would likely lead to imbalance in your relationship as you need to keep everyone sweet or be homeless - like one argument or bad day and that could be you on the street 5 min later.
What would you do then if you HAD broken up or been told to leave? At 17 or even 18 you would have a hard time renting somewhere yourself and would need a lot of money saved (thousand+) and unless things haven changed a lot, you would be unable to claim any state benefits like universal credit, housing payments etc without your mum being involved till 18.
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