sexual consent

Okay so I'm a bit confused about sexual consent.
I saw on reddit about this man who woke up to his wife 'doing it' with him. But the thing is he enjoyed it and I saw really similar things on Quora.
This made me confused about what consent really is because even though they enjoyed it (and maybe consented) when they were awake, they couldn't consent when they were sleeping/their wives took advantage of them when they were sleeping. In these cases where you wake up to find your partner doing it to you but you enjoy it, is it something to be concerned about? Because no one that commented on reddit or quora ever saw an issue with the sleeping part. Sorry if it's a stupid question.

Reply 1

Zarek

In general I’d say it’s best to avoid initiating sex with a partner while they are asleep. There can be a valid thing of implied consent, say if your partner had said to you previously, I love the way you come on to me when I’m asleep. However you need to be very careful about implied consent and particularly with someone you don’t know well and when alcohol is involved

Reply 2

OiFelixCmereBro

things like this need to be discussed before hand, if it's something someone would want to try, they would most likely ask their partner if they would like to try it too, and then give consent before they sleep. some couples might be more lenient with it if its something they both really enjoy and just do it as a surprise for them in the morning. but something like this needs clear boundaries put in place, usually there will be some sort of safe word or they'll just tell their partner to stop.
some people are completely uncomfortable with it though, since as you said you can't consent whilst your asleep, and even if you consent before falling asleep, you don't know if you'll still be up for it in the morning.
i think it's just one of those things where if both of them discussed it beforehand and was consensual, then people won't really have a problem with it since it's their sex life and it's not for others to judge. although if it hasn't been talked about and there wasn't any sort of consent, or they didn't stop when asked, then it's a problem.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I think there’s a bit of a stereotype/stigma that men should always be ready, and enjoy, sex, no matter what, which is utter bs.

If it’s something you’ve discussed with your partner beforehand, and they’ve consented that they’d enjoy if you woke them up having sex, then it’s okay, of course. Though for me personally, I find the idea of having sex with an asleep partner is creepy, and straight up weird. But, each to their own.

Def a big no to doing it before discussing with your partner; that’s rape, plain and simple. Just because it’s with a partner, doesn’t making any less terrible than if it were a stranger.

If we’re thinking of the same post, I believe they later added they’d discussed it beforehand; and both were up for the idea.

Hope it helps! Just because you think someone wants tea, doesn’t mean they want the tea. (If you get the reference :wink: