parents wont let me move out (ucl)
my parents wont let me move out to uni accomodation. I live like 40 min - 1 hour away from london and said this is good enough to commute. I tried to give reasons as to why it would be better for me to stay there but they called up a bunch of families who live near us and have got kids that go to unis in london. None of them have moved out so now my parents are even more certain that I shouldn't. Any advice?
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Original post by Anonymous
my parents wont let me move out to uni accomodation. I live like 40 min - 1 hour away from london and said this is good enough to commute. I tried to give reasons as to why it would be better for me to stay there but they called up a bunch of families who live near us and have got kids that go to unis in london. None of them have moved out so now my parents are even more certain that I shouldn't. Any advice?
Charge it
Just say that you want independence!
Whilst an adult does not need parental permission to move out or apply for student accomodation, student finance assesses most childless uni students on their parents incomes.
Parental refusal to cooperate with student finance result in the student not getting accessed for anything beyond minimum loans.
Unless they have been classified as estranged from parents or household members for at least 12 months or there is a court order with a professional like a police officer/social worker/parole officer involved.
Have you checked your student finance maintainence loan entitlement?
What savings do you have access to?
Do you do any regular part time work?
Is there any history of violence in your household or criminality within your extended family?
Are your family religious traditionalists?
Do your parents expect you to continue living with them until marriage or they die?
Parental refusal to cooperate with student finance result in the student not getting accessed for anything beyond minimum loans.
Unless they have been classified as estranged from parents or household members for at least 12 months or there is a court order with a professional like a police officer/social worker/parole officer involved.
Have you checked your student finance maintainence loan entitlement?
What savings do you have access to?
Do you do any regular part time work?
Is there any history of violence in your household or criminality within your extended family?
Are your family religious traditionalists?
Do your parents expect you to continue living with them until marriage or they die?
They can't stop you once you turn 18 you'll be banished from the family home but just use your loan to rent somewhere.
Original post by howifeltoday
They can't stop you once you turn 18 you'll be banished from the family home but just use your loan to rent somewhere.
Sometimes the loan that SFE gives are not enough. Parents would need to "support" the application to get the intended amount.
Original post by ateben
Sometimes the loan that SFE gives are not enough. Parents would need to "support" the application to get the intended amount.
majority of the times not some - i’m estranged and even with the maximum loan it’s not enough, considering you don’t get money for summer accommodation and other expenses
Original post by KhaoticCarnage
majority of the times not some - i’m estranged and even with the maximum loan it’s not enough, considering you don’t get money for summer accommodation and other expenses
Some universities offer a bursary, which may help. Always good to ask or check the website.
Original post by londonmyst
Whilst an adult does not need parental permission to move out or apply for student accomodation, student finance assesses most childless uni students on their parents incomes.
Parental refusal to cooperate with student finance result in the student not getting accessed for anything beyond minimum loans.
Unless they have been classified as estranged from parents or household members for at least 12 months or there is a court order with a professional like a police officer/social worker/parole officer involved.
Have you checked your student finance maintainence loan entitlement?
What savings do you have access to?
Do you do any regular part time work?
Is there any history of violence in your household or criminality within your extended family?
Are your family religious traditionalists?
Do your parents expect you to continue living with them until marriage or they die?
Parental refusal to cooperate with student finance result in the student not getting accessed for anything beyond minimum loans.
Unless they have been classified as estranged from parents or household members for at least 12 months or there is a court order with a professional like a police officer/social worker/parole officer involved.
Have you checked your student finance maintainence loan entitlement?
What savings do you have access to?
Do you do any regular part time work?
Is there any history of violence in your household or criminality within your extended family?
Are your family religious traditionalists?
Do your parents expect you to continue living with them until marriage or they die?
I am eligible for the max loans. I'm the first in my family to go uni so I literally know nothing. Hence, I've never had a part time job (parents said ill stay stuck in it if i get one). But I'm planning to get one in the summer
Original post by KhaoticCarnage
majority of the times not some - i’m estranged and even with the maximum loan it’s not enough, considering you don’t get money for summer accommodation and other expenses
yeah I agree with this. Even with the max + uni bursary of 3000 per year, it still isn't enough. The other day, ucl's accomodation prices were updated for next year and my mouth was left wide open looking through them
Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll try what I can and look at what I can get in terms of financial aid. However, it would be really hard for me to move out without my parents being happy with it. If anyone has ever been in this situation and convinced their parents, please let me in on the secret to hacking my asian parents.
Original post by Anonymous
my parents wont let me move out to uni accomodation. I live like 40 min - 1 hour away from london and said this is good enough to commute. I tried to give reasons as to why it would be better for me to stay there but they called up a bunch of families who live near us and have got kids that go to unis in london. None of them have moved out so now my parents are even more certain that I shouldn't. Any advice?
Cant you just arrange it secretely and arrange the removal date while they're at work. If not can you just commute from home?
If it were me i think id try and have a conversation with my parents, and try to understand where they are coming from, it could be that they are worried for you, of course if they are being overly controlling a conversation may not help in this situation. But if you feel you could reason with them its always worth an attempt before things get out of control.
Original post by ateben
Some universities offer a bursary, which may help. Always good to ask or check the website.
mine doesn’t - i didn’t know they didn’t offer bursaries until it was already too late. there’s so little information about estrangement.. and it doesn’t help not many unis did the course i specifically wanted.
i picked up a job as a teaching assistant so that helps, but of course it makes uni a bit harder being as i’m a full time student.
Original post by Anonymous
If it were me i think id try and have a conversation with my parents, and try to understand where they are coming from, it could be that they are worried for you, of course if they are being overly controlling a conversation may not help in this situation. But if you feel you could reason with them its always worth an attempt before things get out of control.
I'm trying to build up the courage to do this. So far, they straight up say no but this time I will (respectfully) stand my ground a bit more. I know that if I stay at home I'll be stuck there for a very long time or at least my university life will be very restricted. My future self would regret it if I didn't try one more time.
Original post by howifeltoday
They can't stop you once you turn 18 you'll be banished from the family home but just use your loan to rent somewhere.
Yeah, but some students aren't 18 at uni. They may be 16-17.
P.S. I think the laws should be loosened in this area. But that's just me
Original post by nicolekimberly
Just say that you want independence!
PRSOM
I'll go further: even if OP is under 18 or even under 16 they should ask for independence.
I might offer a different perspective and reasons. I have also considered staying wheee I lived before and commuting to London for university and I am so glad that I decided to move to London. Granted, I am a postgrad and my course might be a bit more intense than for example first year undergrad. BUT! You still will need a lot of time to study and it is very full on and tiring. Add a long commute on top of that and you might be extremely tired after just the first couple of months.
It sounds like your reasons for moving out are based on getting a “university experience” and independence, and honestly this is also very important, but another factor to consider is how close to the campus you are. If you find it difficult to study and focus in your family home, you might struggle with commute times if you are planning on doing your work on campus (train times, travelling late on your own). Also, if you would like to get a part time job while you’re studying, there are plenty of options in London and some very flexible jobs that will work with your schedule. The time you spend on commute could be spent on getting a valuable work experience. Especially if you’ve never worked before, it’s always nice to have some experience with transferable skills on your cv, be it an events or a retail role, it all matters!
On the other hand, staying in your family home is a great way to save money… it is SO expensive to live in London, no matter how much student load you get.
It sounds like your reasons for moving out are based on getting a “university experience” and independence, and honestly this is also very important, but another factor to consider is how close to the campus you are. If you find it difficult to study and focus in your family home, you might struggle with commute times if you are planning on doing your work on campus (train times, travelling late on your own). Also, if you would like to get a part time job while you’re studying, there are plenty of options in London and some very flexible jobs that will work with your schedule. The time you spend on commute could be spent on getting a valuable work experience. Especially if you’ve never worked before, it’s always nice to have some experience with transferable skills on your cv, be it an events or a retail role, it all matters!
On the other hand, staying in your family home is a great way to save money… it is SO expensive to live in London, no matter how much student load you get.
Original post by howifeltoday
They can't stop you once you turn 18 you'll be banished from the family home but just use your loan to rent somewhere.
If parents don’t provide financial information they will be given £5K. Impossible to rent, eat and pay transport with that. They won’t be counted as estranged as it’s too recent unless they have proof of abuse or similar. They would have to juggle studies with working to afford London prices.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm trying to build up the courage to do this. So far, they straight up say no but this time I will (respectfully) stand my ground a bit more. I know that if I stay at home I'll be stuck there for a very long time or at least my university life will be very restricted. My future self would regret it if I didn't try one more time.
Commuting isn;t cheap and wastes so much time when you could be studying. You don;t have the library at hoemto refer either or labs or workshops to use.
Calculate travel time - remembering you need to leave earlier than the actual bus/train times - strikes are frequent. You can't join societies or clubs or sports teams - you'll miss out on creating a CV to help you get a job.
First I’d try and find out exactly what your parent fears are not just we don’t want you to go they might have specific fears you can try to ally these fears like you don’t know how to cook make some food to prove you can do it in fact learning to cook is a good skill to have anyway if it’s a religious reason tell them about the ISOC at uni you don’t have to join just make your parent aware there is one and hopefully they will think you plan to join even you don’t you get the idea just try to parry their objections.
if you can do that just go anyway you might need to be a little sneaky about it though. Bare in mind that the following is a last resort kind of nuclear option if you like:
The set up
1/ You’ll need to get all your university post sent to someone else like a friend you trust so the address should read:
“your name c/o”friends name”
Friends address
You can collect it from them or they can give it to you at Collage/School.
2/ Get yourself a new pay as you go sim card usually you have to put some credit on to these things but the card it’s self is free. You’ll need this later.
3/ Get yourself a big hold all and either hide it in your wardrobe or closet or if your going to see your friend everyday or really often leave it at their house also get a back pack “for uni”.
Preparing for departure
4/ As you approach the start date slowly start moving clothes over to your hold all you’ll want to do it slowly so your parents don’t notice too many of your clothes missing.
5/ write your parents a little note Saying you’ve gone to uni and anything else like
"Dear Mum and Dad
I’ve gone to uni I feel i will be able to work better here with everything I need to study well right on my doorstep get good grades and a a better join the end. I will phone you tonight. I love you and hope you understand why I have to do this.
Lots of love "your name””
Do not tell them what halls your in nor tell them what room you’re in.
6/ On the night before you go put all your chargers and electronics into your back pack and put your hold all somewhere you can easily grab it but your parents won’t see it.
Departure
7/ Get up as early as possible before your parents get dressed grab your bags leave the letter in the kitchen and sneak out get to the station as soon as you can and get the earliest train.
8/ Block your parents number because they will attempt emotional blackmail and you don’t wan to deal with that.
9/ Get on the train and your on your way
Arrival
10/ Once you Arrival at UCL go and see if you can get int to your halls if they say yes great if they say not quite yet you can either wait or see if you can drop your bags and go and buy stuff you’ll need like shower gel tooth paste toothbrush food etc.
11/ Unpack and get your roomiest up.
12/ At 7pmstick in your pay as you go sim and give your parents a ring just so they know your safe. They might try to employ emotional black mail at this point “your mother is crying” “If you don’t come back we’ll kill ourselves” You’ll need to nip this in the bud tell them to stop or you’ll hang up if they don’t’t hang up and put your main sim card back in (oh and make sure you withhold your number Call every night until they stop this blackmail hanging up if they start crying and stuff. trying to manipulate you.
Good luck and enjoy uni and remember this is a last resort if you can’t change their mind.
if you can do that just go anyway you might need to be a little sneaky about it though. Bare in mind that the following is a last resort kind of nuclear option if you like:
The set up
1/ You’ll need to get all your university post sent to someone else like a friend you trust so the address should read:
“your name c/o”friends name”
Friends address
You can collect it from them or they can give it to you at Collage/School.
2/ Get yourself a new pay as you go sim card usually you have to put some credit on to these things but the card it’s self is free. You’ll need this later.
3/ Get yourself a big hold all and either hide it in your wardrobe or closet or if your going to see your friend everyday or really often leave it at their house also get a back pack “for uni”.
Preparing for departure
4/ As you approach the start date slowly start moving clothes over to your hold all you’ll want to do it slowly so your parents don’t notice too many of your clothes missing.
5/ write your parents a little note Saying you’ve gone to uni and anything else like
"Dear Mum and Dad
I’ve gone to uni I feel i will be able to work better here with everything I need to study well right on my doorstep get good grades and a a better join the end. I will phone you tonight. I love you and hope you understand why I have to do this.
Lots of love "your name””
Do not tell them what halls your in nor tell them what room you’re in.
6/ On the night before you go put all your chargers and electronics into your back pack and put your hold all somewhere you can easily grab it but your parents won’t see it.
Departure
7/ Get up as early as possible before your parents get dressed grab your bags leave the letter in the kitchen and sneak out get to the station as soon as you can and get the earliest train.
8/ Block your parents number because they will attempt emotional blackmail and you don’t wan to deal with that.
9/ Get on the train and your on your way
Arrival
10/ Once you Arrival at UCL go and see if you can get int to your halls if they say yes great if they say not quite yet you can either wait or see if you can drop your bags and go and buy stuff you’ll need like shower gel tooth paste toothbrush food etc.
11/ Unpack and get your roomiest up.
12/ At 7pmstick in your pay as you go sim and give your parents a ring just so they know your safe. They might try to employ emotional black mail at this point “your mother is crying” “If you don’t come back we’ll kill ourselves” You’ll need to nip this in the bud tell them to stop or you’ll hang up if they don’t’t hang up and put your main sim card back in (oh and make sure you withhold your number Call every night until they stop this blackmail hanging up if they start crying and stuff. trying to manipulate you.
Good luck and enjoy uni and remember this is a last resort if you can’t change their mind.
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