My girlfriend kissed another guy at work? What should I do?

So, this is going to be a long one may be...

So basically it all started almost 7-8 years ago...

I had bad breakup, I was going through a lot family issues, my mother passed away, my real brother left the home n my career went down the way...

Everything happened at once...

I was feeling alone n lonely, all I had was my best friend, but even he didn't know how to help me in that kind of situation, so it was all rough with him too..

After some time I saw a girl who happened to be my best friend's cousin, and cut to the chase I liked her and I proposed her... And she luckily accepted my request.. she was young so she had this idea of love that is kind of teenagish n all and I don't blame her for that at all, we have an age gap of almost 3.5 years.. but I really loved her and cared for her and I really felt grateful when she accepted my proposal...

We were young, but the only difference was I was dealing with some really mature stuff at that time...

So I used to feel much deeper than she could even feel and as a result, in like 15-20 days I felt that it's wrong to be committed in a relationship when all I am thinking about is my expectations not met, when I need a fairly mature person by the side of me, who could understand me, and give me some kind of real life advices...

So, I let her know that we can't be in this relation but I'd like to stay with you as a friend, I didn't have any intentions of hurting her at all.. I really loved her, it's just I didn't know how my life will take turns..

So I requested her to just be there and may be we might end up together and after some really tough conversation, she agreed. I was really happy that at least she has not left me.

Cut to this, that we made promises, we were sleeping together, we didn't have any differences between us..

The only difference was that she was still immature and my life didn't seem to take a paise from increasing my problems, I was in deep high functioning depression.

Trigger warning: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts

Spoiler

The only good thing was she was with me. Looking at her used to make me feel blessed..

I wanted to just say her that you are the only one..

But I couldn't, it used to make me feel good, she never made me feel like that she might go to any other person in life ever..

I used to tell her that please don't hold onto me that tightly, I might not be here forever. please look for someone else.

And she never took my advice seriously ( inside I used to feel good about it though, and I used force myself to get out of that troubling thoughts and be with her completely and make her happy 😊)

Although, we used to have a lot of fights over just some little simple things like daily routine, career issues, working hard, hiding some silly things, but I never thought she could hide or do anything that might hurt me emotionally cuz she was just a childlike and I used to teach her at every step..

Cut to this year... Everything was going smooth (although very rough, but it was the best smooth that I can say) and one of my old friend who betrayed me earlier (one of the different stories that I was going through, and she knew about it) have come back in to our life saying he was wrong and blah blah.. and me being emotionally easily manipulative, I agreed to be together again and work together again for the best of our lives...

This time I introduced her to him as my girlfriend (before this she just knew stories about us but she never met him), alongwith my best friend and his girlfriend too met together and we started to work together... I have always been the type of person who is very focused and hard work driven and whoever in team promises to achieve something, I always push them to their limits for what they want and I work hard along with them.

My girlfriend (whom I accepted as my girlfriend inside my heart, but the things were so fast paced that I was just waiting for the day that I could propose her again in a grand manner, so I was working very hard for this, her birthday was just around the corner) was also working with us for the same business and she used to stay on site doing the work assigned to her (it was the first time she was working professionally and I was so proud and happy for her) alongwith one more guy from his (the old betrayer friend) side..

Everything was going as it should've been, we were working day n night, we'll, I was but there started some conflict between the old friend and me, that too about the same things as before, the commitment, and passion and weaknesses n all...

On the other hand she was doing great but I felt a little distant from her this time, I never felt this from her..

Now let me tell you something, that is we promised together whoever gets crush or whoever starts to like any other person and wants to start any kind of relationship with anybody, we will tell each other first then we will move on to the next step only...

Cut to the last part of it... She broke that promise (ahh it hurts to write this but yeah) the other guy whom she was working all day with.. manipulated her in to his sob stories and as I told you earlier she was very child like and used to like all those teenager love stories.. so she fell for his stories and got close to him emotionally and then she hugged him twice and that guy kissed her on her forehead and upperneck and lips (just a peck, as she described it to me).

I got to know all of this after we again got seperated from that ******* ******* friend.. who again slept on all those promises and betrayed us again.

Although, I proposed her earlier (before she told me all of this) on her birthday (that day was the worst day as we were all having fight with that friend) but still I managed to propose her and little did I know she obviously accepted but I didn't feel it, the happiness.. I felt something was missing. Then I thought maybe it's the fight n all that's going on..

Then a day later or two. She started to fight with me over some petty thing.. and told me she doesn't love me anymore n all.. and then I told her and expressed everything from start to finish of my life (it's long story, I am just making it faster)

Then she again came back. Beside all of this, when we were going to that friends area of work, I specially warned her that people there are bad and manipulative, don't get involved in any kind of talks or anything.. just learn and grow and move on..

But yeah she got manipulated to the level she thought she didn't love me because if she did then how could she do this and that too without telling me (remember our vow?)

So she resisted for a day or two and she contacted him again and told her that she do not want to continue n all... And the next day she came home and confessed to me everything that she did with him (not much, but still to me it was)

Then I fell apart and lost my cool and you can imagine a person who would be nothing but done with life, angry and confused.. ahh...

Then my best friend and his girlfriend and that friend (yes I didn't know what to do, so I contacted him too) everyone was like if it was forced just let us know and we will make him pay for this but she was sure that for that time being she actually liked him and did this and if he would have been the right person ( he was a drug addict, and a lot of shortcomings were, which obviously she could see as I taught her all of this all along) she might consider going back to him..

Ahh, I can't tell how was feeling, my ego, my pride my everything went into this **** hole and only thing I was dreading was breathing...

Although, Inside I knew what she was going through, why she saying what she is saying.. I have seen her grow from a child to teen...

I knew how she got manipulated and what is happening but it was just too much for me to take in...

I knew that betrayer friend must have been happy seeing me in this condition.. the guy who never made a mistake, could not handle her girl and ******** like that. It was eatinge inside...

Now cut to today, after so much hurt and everything, I made her realise what she was doing , what she was feeling was temporary and how she committed her life's biggest mistake.

And yes she regrets it.. she regrets to the most of it.. I know her.. she going through a lot of pain and remorse. I can see it in her eyes...

I couldn't live without her, I amost spent half my life with her, so many memories, so many promises and so much of dependency was there, I really loved her and although I was free in all those 8 years, I never once talked to another girl in that manner.

Everyome outside of us knew were were together and obviously we were happy together. It was just those circumstances and that distance what made it all happen.. I accepted her back..

Now it's been one month and I going through PTSD..I cry randomly.. I want to shout. I don't enjoy anything that I used. I am not competetive now.. she is there with me, but it's like I want to see her all day but when she comes home,. I don't want to face her at all.. she is trying her best I know..but it's just I am very sad and depressed about this. Idk how to take this, Accept this. One thought and I loose my control over my body and mind..

Idk how much longer I can take this... Idk. Please help.. I can't afford or go to any therapist or any professional.. that's why I came here.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

oof,
So first of all, I would like to say , I'm not a pro in relations but writing your story down might make you feel better which is good. Your relations just like any relations, it's like a roller coaster and it's normal you can ask a lot of people and they also went through a lot of hardship during their relations. Some people were weak minded and decided to give up and look for someone better(?) and some people decided to stay in their relationship but suffered a lot. I think all those fights is what determines a relationship's strength. I think before proposing to her, you should have thought about your future with her and maybe questioned yourself on whether it will impact her life or not because you said she was young and I am assuming innocent but marriage also means restrictions. She is young and therefore she might take a different pathway or want to change air, have fun, be free of her own emotions maybe.

I personally, from my own point of view think that you need a serious break. A break from everyone. Start all over again, recreate those feelings you lost when being with her and the only way to do that is to rediscover yourself. Create new, healthy habits and first think about your mental health, that's the most important, you don't wanna hurt your loved ones.
By taking a break I mean, go outside the country, on vacation, or discover new hobbies... and she needs to understand that. All humans need their own space.

I would like to refer to your relationship like hair, right now I guess there is a lot of breakage and in order to repair that you need to start from the roots.

Don't stay away from your problem either because you are just going to make things worse but give yourself a break from your relationship just for one month and gradually make things up like go on a date for example. Don't go too quickly and make sure that it's gradual. rushing things will make you uncomfortable with her.

Hope this helps.