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My friend is rude and ignorant and he doesn't realise it

So me and my best friend have been friends since primary school but over the last few years he's become rude and ignorant. There have been many examples of how he's been recently but I think this is the worst one. We have season tickets to our rugby team, I drive to every home game and the majority of the away games we go to. I pay for a season parking pass at the start of every season and not once has he offered to split the cost 50/50 with me. He never offers to drive to any games and he never offers to share the petrol if we go to an away game that involves a fair bit of travelling.

On top of this every time we go to a game he texts me saying "what time are you picking me up?" even though me driving to pick him up means then having to drive back past my house to go to the rugby. And numerous times I've said "I'll pick you up at 12:30" for example he'll reply and say "can you make it 12:45 as I won't be ready then?" even though I've given him plenty of hours notice as to when I'll be picking him up.

And then when we get to the stadium he'll very often drink 6 pints during the game, I only have one tops but most of the time I will just have a coke to drink and when he's going to the bar and I ask him to get me a drink he says "give me your card then." Completely forgetting the fact that I drive and pay for parking.

What should I do? How should I approach this?
Reply 1
Options:
1) Talk to him and bring up all up these points, telling him you feel it's unfair for you to do everything and that he's taking advantage of you.
2) Stop bringing this friend to the games and go alone or being another friend
3) Ghost him and stop being his friend
Tell him the parking costs have gone up and that you'll struggle to cover the costs alone going forward. Tel him how much the parking and petrol adds up to.

His reaction will tell you whether he's a friend worth persisting with.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
So me and my best friend have been friends since primary school but over the last few years he's become rude and ignorant. There have been many examples of how he's been recently but I think this is the worst one. We have season tickets to our rugby team, I drive to every home game and the majority of the away games we go to. I pay for a season parking pass at the start of every season and not once has he offered to split the cost 50/50 with me. He never offers to drive to any games and he never offers to share the petrol if we go to an away game that involves a fair bit of travelling.

On top of this every time we go to a game he texts me saying "what time are you picking me up?" even though me driving to pick him up means then having to drive back past my house to go to the rugby. And numerous times I've said "I'll pick you up at 12:30" for example he'll reply and say "can you make it 12:45 as I won't be ready then?" even though I've given him plenty of hours notice as to when I'll be picking him up.

And then when we get to the stadium he'll very often drink 6 pints during the game, I only have one tops but most of the time I will just have a coke to drink and when he's going to the bar and I ask him to get me a drink he says "give me your card then." Completely forgetting the fact that I drive and pay for parking.

What should I do? How should I approach this?


Next time just say that you thought it would make a nice change if he drove etc because you’d like to have a beer whilst watching the game for once.
You then let him pay the petrol and parking, drink a couple of beers without offering to buy him one and see how he reacts.
If everything works out well suggest taking it in turns to drive afterwards.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Euapp
Next time just say that you thought it would make a nice change if he drove etc because you’d like to have a beer whilst watching the game for once.
You then let him pay the petrol and parking, drink a couple of beers without offering to buy him one and see how he reacts.
If everything works out well suggest taking it in turns to drive afterwards.

I did try a similar tactic once and he said he’d drive only at the last minute to say he had a puncture that needed repairing…I’ve since found out that there was nothing wrong with his car
Original post by Anonymous
I did try a similar tactic once and he said he’d drive only at the last minute to say he had a puncture that needed repairing…I’ve since found out that there was nothing wrong with his car

not a real friend then if hes lying and doesnt want to help surely
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I did try a similar tactic once and he said he’d drive only at the last minute to say he had a puncture that needed repairing…I’ve since found out that there was nothing wrong with his car

So you are going to be more honest than him and tell him that although it’s fun going to the game together you really would prefer that you take it in turns to drive. You feel that you are missing out on some of the fun as it’s always you having to be the responsible sober person. Don’t accept that he can’t afford it as he manages to drink whilst at the match when you drive, and the money he saves on drink he can put into petrol and parking!
Reply 7
Original post by Euapp
So you are going to be more honest than him and tell him that although it’s fun going to the game together you really would prefer that you take it in turns to drive. You feel that you are missing out on some of the fun as it’s always you having to be the responsible sober person. Don’t accept that he can’t afford it as he manages to drink whilst at the match when you drive, and the money he saves on drink he can put into petrol and parking!

I think I am just going to have it out with him as there is too much at the moment that annoys me. Another thing he does which I forgot to mention is, after he’s dictated to me what time we go to the rugby I will arrive at his house on time but it will then take him another 10 minutes to actually be ready and leave his house. It’s as though he has no respect for anybody else’s time other than his own, I have come close to just driving off in the past when he’s been late.
Original post by Anonymous
I think I am just going to have it out with him as there is too much at the moment that annoys me. Another thing he does which I forgot to mention is, after he’s dictated to me what time we go to the rugby I will arrive at his house on time but it will then take him another 10 minutes to actually be ready and leave his house. It’s as though he has no respect for anybody else’s time other than his own, I have come close to just driving off in the past when he’s been late.


he sounds self-centred. it's tough or impossible to maintain a relationship with a self-centred person. you could connect with better people :smile:

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