How often do you message with a male friend?

Since finishing uni, me(f) and this guy have drifted apart, understandably as I moved back to my home city and so did he. We have reconnected recently and this is the first time I had to maintain a long distance friendship. I’m not too sure how often friends should be texting.

I feel like I have been initiating the conversation most of the time. And it’s kind of weird that I had to wait for him to text me first. It’s actually been days now since we last spoke. I know, as a young professional, people do have busy lives. I do want to maintain the friendship but I just don’t know how much texting should we do without it feeling like I’m annoying him or constantly have to talk.

Me and this guy do have a back story. We did like each other, stuck like glue in uni but it never progressed into anything further. He’s a good friend but we both know it can’t go any further, for cultural and religious reason/differences.

Any advice is appreciated.

there is no time stamp in how much you and your friends should be messaging as with every friend you have it will differ. some friends im sure you could message everyday, whereas others you could message every other day or every other week comfortably. it all depends on the individual.

even if you have been initiating more, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to talk or anything. he reached out first and is engaging in your conversations (i hope) so i wouldn't take that as you annoying him.

maybe wait a couple more days and see if he reaches out to you first before reaching out again, as maybe he is the type of person who doesn't like to initiate conversations. i was in a similar situation where the person i spoke to ended up moving away after we knowingly liked each other but didn't go into anything because of religious reasons on their side. we still spoke when we could but we were both busy with exams (like you and they might be as you're young professionals!) and we both understood that and accepted we couldn't talk all the time.

at the end of the day, i wouldn't stress. he is a good friend and since he reached out first i would 100% take that as a sign that he wants to talk and he isn't finding you annoying or anything like that. i also wouldn't worry about the amount you text. you're both busy and if you let it get to your head by thinking youre doing too much or too little it will impact your relationship and theres no need when he clearly wanted to reconnect

Thank you for your reply! I guess I’m those people who likes consistency in their life, that’s probably why I only have my work colleagues as my friends because I don’t have to maintain online communication as much, as I meet up and hangout with them in person every so often. I don’t want my friendship with this guy to be just the occasional “hi..how are you..talk to you later” and the occasional holiday/birthday greetings. Maybe I’m just setting myself up with disappointment with expecting us to talk regularly and actually be friends. Am I expecting too much? This is the first time I had long distance friendship. This waiting when he will text me first is quiet frustrating. What should I do?

no i don't think you're expecting too much! if you're used to be super close back at university and he's reached out i would be having the same expectations as you!!

maybe the fact that you don't want it to be an occasional messaging thing could lead into you trying to get his number of something? so that you can call or facetime rather than texting. and maybe, to stop it from just being a hi how are you talk to you later kinda friendship, once you start talking a little bit more, you could just start messaging him random stuff to make it feel and seem as though you don't need these hi how are you basic conversation starters everytime you talk! as with your closer friends im sure you don't do that in every conversation. for example if something really funny or exciting happened in your day i would just message him like omg this happened or youll never guess what happened today or something. i dont know thats what i would do anyways! to make the conversations seem less forced even though they're not forced but still lol

waiting for a text is a long and slow process and all you can do is wait it out to be honest. theres nothing to quicken up the process unless maybe you posted something to catch his attention or... idk. i think im thinking in a highschool type of way but theres nothing much you can do when waiting for a text sadly :/

Since finishing uni, me(f) and this guy have drifted apart, understandably as I moved back to my home city and so did he. We have reconnected recently and this is the first time I had to maintain a long distance friendship. I’m not too sure how often friends should be texting.

I feel like I have been initiating the conversation most of the time. And it’s kind of weird that I had to wait for him to text me first. It’s actually been days now since we last spoke. I know, as a young professional, people do have busy lives. I do want to maintain the friendship but I just don’t know how much texting should we do without it feeling like I’m annoying him or constantly have to talk.

Me and this guy do have a back story. We did like each other, stuck like glue in uni but it never progressed into anything further. He’s a good friend but we both know it can’t go any further, for cultural and religious reason/differences.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you for your reply, I really do appreciate it!
Maybe I should just accept that we aren’t going to as close as we used to and that he has now new circle of friends. Last night, I did a little snoop to see if he was online(very bad and unusual of me) he was actually online but hasn’t messaged me at all. I know we’re just friends but it does kinda hurt and made me feel kinda insecure. Maybe I should just stop trying to force things and just go with the flow, and stop stressing. Thank you for you suggestions tho! I appreciate it!