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Is wanting to dump a friend because they are a drop out wrong?

My friend from uni is basically a drop out. Everyone I know from uni (I graduated nearly 4 years ago) either has a graduate level job or is still studying apart from this one guy who wants to party and get drunk like he is several years younger. He doesn't have a job, he got a really good job after uni but hated it and packed it in to go travelling and since coming back last year he has been unemployed and doing bar jobs here and there to cover his rent in his house share. He got fired from his last job for not turning up and said he never wants an office job again, but doesn't seem to have any career ideas at all. All he wants to do is party, listen to music, go on bike rides and try to meet girls, even though he doesn't have much success there, because I think a lot of girls probably think he is a loser to be honest. I met up with him at christmas and he said he wanted to go out to this club and get hammered and did I want to come. I said no thanks. We were really good mates at uni but now I can't stand him to be honest and I am dreading the next time he calls me or messages me. Is it normal feeling like this or am I being really boring?
Yeah you are coming across as a bit intolerant and judgemental here, you 'can't stand' a friend and call them a loser because they haven't met your narrow career expectations?

It often takes people trying a few things or a few false starts to find where they're really supposed to be.
Original post by StriderHort
Yeah you are coming across as a bit intolerant and judgemental here, you 'can't stand' a friend and call them a loser because they haven't met your narrow career expectations?

It often takes people trying a few things or a few false starts to find where they're really supposed to be.

Don't entirely agree. The thread title is definitely judgemental. But I think the post itself, whilst I don't agree with labelling him as a loser, does suggest that this is a friendship that has genuinely drifted apart not because of the lack of success of the other person, but because their approach to life now is just not compatible with the OP. It is absolutely right that people shouldn't be judged because their path through life is different to someone else's, because they haven't had the success that others have or because they simply don't know what they want to do with their life. It isn't unusual for people to stay in this 'partying phase' either, and not wanting to be restricted to a particular job. Most people get out of that phase, but some stay in it longer than others. I don't think the friend should be judged for that here. But at the same time, it probably does make them incompatible with the OP as a friend at this point. Does that mean that situation can't change? No, it doesn't. But right now, I can't say that the OP not prioritising this friendship anymore is unreasonable based on what's been said. Whether the OP's level of judgement is strictly justified, it's difficult to say he should be maintaining a friendship with someone that he 'can't stand'. Life is too short to put effort into friendships with people that you don't like spending time around. From that perspective, I think cutting ties (whether explicitly or just passively) is justified here.
Original post by Crazy Jamie
Don't entirely agree. The thread title is definitely judgemental. But I think the post itself, whilst I don't agree with labelling him as a loser, does suggest that this is a friendship that has genuinely drifted apart not because of the lack of success of the other person, but because their approach to life now is just not compatible with the OP. It is absolutely right that people shouldn't be judged because their path through life is different to someone else's, because they haven't had the success that others have or because they simply don't know what they want to do with their life. It isn't unusual for people to stay in this 'partying phase' either, and not wanting to be restricted to a particular job. Most people get out of that phase, but some stay in it longer than others. I don't think the friend should be judged for that here. But at the same time, it probably does make them incompatible with the OP as a friend at this point. Does that mean that situation can't change? No, it doesn't. But right now, I can't say that the OP not prioritising this friendship anymore is unreasonable based on what's been said. Whether the OP's level of judgement is strictly justified, it's difficult to say he should be maintaining a friendship with someone that he 'can't stand'. Life is too short to put effort into friendships with people that you don't like spending time around. From that perspective, I think cutting ties (whether explicitly or just passively) is justified here.


I get what you mean and agree that a friendship may have simply run it's course, but as the OP hasn't mentioned anything about the friendship beyond their work ethic I have to assume that's all they care about.

The OP asked if people thought their feelings were normal, and basically I don't. Going from being 'really good mates' to despising and insulting someone over something indirect like that feels unreasonable.

Like many I suppose I've had people I've drifted away from by accident or purpose over the years as our lifestyles and views don't get along, but I don't despise them over it.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 4
What annoys me is that he always wants to go out to bars and clubs and gets drunk and then tries to chat up girls, like we did at uni. It was different at uni though because we went to all the student nights and people (and girls) were always up for a laugh and we were all students. I've been there when this guy has tried hitting on girls recently but the girls at the bars and clubs we have been to don't like it or lose interest as soon as he tells them he's unemployed. He then gets angry and doesn't seem to have any understanding why people with normal working lives don't approve of him or want to hang out with him. It is like he wants a life of constant fun and partying doesn't want to work at all. I know his dad paid his rent recently because he couldn't even hold down a part time job at a bar, as I said he got fired because he slept in after a night out and didn't show up for his day shift. I have tried to talk about work with him but he doesn't want to get a job at all, and when he does he just seems to get sacked, tbh I find that lazy and immature. I have to work to survive and that is the main reason why I find him annoying.
Original post by Anonymous #1
My friend from uni is basically a drop out. Everyone I know from uni (I graduated nearly 4 years ago) either has a graduate level job or is still studying apart from this one guy who wants to party and get drunk like he is several years younger. He doesn't have a job, he got a really good job after uni but hated it and packed it in to go travelling and since coming back last year he has been unemployed and doing bar jobs here and there to cover his rent in his house share. He got fired from his last job for not turning up and said he never wants an office job again, but doesn't seem to have any career ideas at all. All he wants to do is party, listen to music, go on bike rides and try to meet girls, even though he doesn't have much success there, because I think a lot of girls probably think he is a loser to be honest. I met up with him at christmas and he said he wanted to go out to this club and get hammered and did I want to come. I said no thanks. We were really good mates at uni but now I can't stand him to be honest and I am dreading the next time he calls me or messages me. Is it normal feeling like this or am I being really boring?

You don't have to be his friend. If I am being honest he seems like a bit of a waster.

Surround yourself with people you want to be around and don't waste time with people you don't. It will make your life easier.
It's natural to drift apart from friends as you get older and your life changes, people grow and have different priorities
Original post by Anonymous #1
My friend from uni is basically a drop out. Everyone I know from uni (I graduated nearly 4 years ago) either has a graduate level job or is still studying apart from this one guy who wants to party and get drunk like he is several years younger. He doesn't have a job, he got a really good job after uni but hated it and packed it in to go travelling and since coming back last year he has been unemployed and doing bar jobs here and there to cover his rent in his house share. He got fired from his last job for not turning up and said he never wants an office job again, but doesn't seem to have any career ideas at all. All he wants to do is party, listen to music, go on bike rides and try to meet girls, even though he doesn't have much success there, because I think a lot of girls probably think he is a loser to be honest. I met up with him at christmas and he said he wanted to go out to this club and get hammered and did I want to come. I said no thanks. We were really good mates at uni but now I can't stand him to be honest and I am dreading the next time he calls me or messages me. Is it normal feeling like this or am I being really boring?

i say your feeling are your feelings, especially if you feel that friend is dragging you down. it sounds like they could be a bad influence on you with all that partying and drinking, and your friends are a representation of you.
Reply 8
Original post by bones-mccoy
It's natural to drift apart from friends as you get older and your life changes, people grow and have different priorities

Completely agree! It's life... It's an integral part of growing up.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous #1
My friend from uni is basically a drop out. Everyone I know from uni (I graduated nearly 4 years ago) either has a graduate level job or is still studying apart from this one guy who wants to party and get drunk like he is several years younger. He doesn't have a job, he got a really good job after uni but hated it and packed it in to go travelling and since coming back last year he has been unemployed and doing bar jobs here and there to cover his rent in his house share. He got fired from his last job for not turning up and said he never wants an office job again, but doesn't seem to have any career ideas at all. All he wants to do is party, listen to music, go on bike rides and try to meet girls, even though he doesn't have much success there, because I think a lot of girls probably think he is a loser to be honest. I met up with him at christmas and he said he wanted to go out to this club and get hammered and did I want to come. I said no thanks. We were really good mates at uni but now I can't stand him to be honest and I am dreading the next time he calls me or messages me. Is it normal feeling like this or am I being really boring?

It's completely normal to feel concerned about your friend's current lifestyle, especially if it contrasts with the goals and values you've set for yourself. It's important to recognize that people take different paths in life, and their priorities and interests may evolve over time.Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own well-being and surround yourself with people who align with your values. If maintaining the friendship becomes too challenging, it's okay to distance yourself while still wishing your friend all the best. I know it's not easy because I've been through it myself. However, it's essential to realize that doing so will be better in the long run.

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